Topic: “Passing”

[barbie]

For me, passing is meaningless. Everybody I interact with every day knows well who I am. For me, passing is just for strangers in the street.

A problem I recently realized is wearing high heels. Some women are startled at my height. Yesterday, the wife of one of my colleagues bumped into me in the dark corridor, and she seemed to be startled all of sudden at my height, even though she knows me very well, and greeted me just ago in the morning. I was wearing 5-inch heel sandals, making my height 196 cm (6'5").

Nevertheless, I do wear high heels in the street. I do not care what others think, and I do enter women's public restrooms just to avoid a fuss.

barbie~~

[Heather A]

I'm 42 years young and have been on HRT for about 7 months now and I am starting to see changes that make me believe I can pass.  It doesn't happen over night but takes time and a lot of patience.  I have to say Posture was a big one for me just recently Its not muscle memory, but I started to work on that a few days ago and have seen good responses with people I have encountered.  I want to say about 70%-80% of the people I encounter seem to identify me correctly as female I find out in society.  With the remaining percentage being I'm not sure it's only been a few days for me so I'm going to need more time before I get use to the new behaviors and interactions.  I wish I would have known Devlyn's advice last week when I started to dress full time but luckily it didn't take me long to figure out what I needed to improve.

A guy I used to date put it best:

 "You can always spot a transgender girl; back like a bullfrog, no bum, great legs."

For the most part, he's right...and funny. 

[no-moose]

You ladies are too sweet ❤️ Thank you for taking the time to respond. It is so incredibly helpful to hear.

I watched a video on youtube tonight about that feeling of disgust/hate/rejection seeing myself in a dress in the mirror. I'm starting to understand that those voices are my own internalized transphobia that I've accepted over the years living in this culture, and living in the church world. I have a lot of work to do.

I do also agree that mannerisms, posture, taking up less space, walking, not leaning on things, and other sorts of movements carry significance in how we come across. I've been having fun practicing those while even still in boy mode. All the best and thanks again!.

[no-moose]

We have all had the same feelings about being able to pass. It can be scary in the beginning, but over time the fear subsides, and eventually passes. When I started my journey I too was down about myself being read. Even my well-meaning sister told me when I was 6 months into my transition that I looked like a guy in drag.  Then again my sister has ignorant views about transgender. It's been about four years and she doesn't say things like that anymore.

You'll be great, just hang in there and be yourself.
All the best,
Katie76

Thank you Katie! Encouraging ❤️

[ashley7]

Hmm, this is interesting because for me passing is everything and I hate high heels! My first time dressing in public ended due to being unable to walk in high heels!

[AllieSF]

No-Mo,

If that is your pic you are already ahead of the game.  You look wonderful.  And ... if that is your real hair I am jealous!

Allie

[no-moose]

No-Mo,

If that is your pic you are already ahead of the game.  You look wonderful.  And ... if that is your real hair I am jealous!

Allie

Lol thanks!
No, it’s the FaceApp
I still have a beard and short cropped hair


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[NCmuse]

 I have a friend who started at 44 and was 6 foot and 230 lbs when she started, now she is model gorgeous.  Hormones really work on some folks, though physical conditioning and working on the right body parts is important.

[Karen_A]

I have a friend who started at 44 and was 6 foot and 230 lbs when she started, now she is model gorgeous.  Hormones really work on some folks, though physical conditioning and working on the right body parts is important.

And for some (like me) they don't do much... I Started HRT in Jan 1996 at 40.

What also matters is overall build/bone structure, which HRT can not change...  though if not too bad , with excellent results, HRT can help hide some of that.

-Karen

[NCmuse]

I am still working on this picture thing. I started at 48 and I an 6 foot tall. In the bottom picture 4 years ago I am the bald guy on the end. in top picture I am the girl in the middle. At the time of the first pic I thought I didn't have a chance. The second was right before covid literally the last cruise before cruise lines shut down. The only surgery I had was hair transplants.
https://imgur.com/UQuZWlu    I am tall and large I did the family pics with others so you can see that I am tall.  One of my sisters is not in the top pic  the bald guy there is my brother in law.  I am pretty lucky my Mom and Dad are semi supportive.

[Northern Star Girl]

@NCmuse

Terrific example of your dramatic transformation.... 
....thank you for sharing your before and after photos.
HUGS,
Danielle

[barbie]

I am still working on this picture thing.

Quite impressive. Thanks for sharing the photos. A picture is worth a thousand words.

barbie~~

[JoJoWolfe]

So many interesting perspectives, I also had it in my mind I had to pass or I wouldn’t start HRT. I started to grow my hair 14 months ago when I moved house and couldn’t find my hair trimmer, got very positive remarks from the women at work and I am loving it. Thankfully it grows fast as I’ve trimmed about 5” off it and it’s touching my shoulders. Having laser for facial hair was a massive confidence boost, not only did blue shadow go but my skin and jawline was much smoother, can’t wait for lockdown to lift to restart.
Although a runner and triathlete I’ve always had problems with my weight but now gradually losing weight, currently 72kg, I was 67.5kg in my 50s but do want to get sub 65kg. I’m 5’ 7”, tall but not overly so
At first I would cross the road rather than pass someone on the pavement but now don’t bother, in fact at home I’m dressed pretty much all the time, my neighbours are fantastic about it and regularly walk to the village shop and say hello to people as normal when passing. A couple of the young assistants twigged after a while and we now just talk as normal.
Despite all that, I do have insecurities about passing. So objectives are resume laser, lose weight get proper voice coaching.

[Lady Grey]

Is there any way to predict satisfaction with transition before embarking on it? It feels like such an enormous risk with no guaranteed payoff on the other side.

The answer is no.  Transition is a process.  Who you are today.  The way you think about things.  ALL that will change after a while.  You will change. That's the magic of it.  It requires a leap into the unknown. Ask yourself will you always regret it if you don't take the leap?  I know personally that the fears I had back then are all irrelevant to who I am today.  But you are wrong about the no guarantee thing.

[Rakel]

Good morning Lady Grey,

I noticed that this is your first post here at Susan's Place and I would like to take a few moments to send you our Official Welcome Packet.

Susan's Place is a supportive website for everyone with any kind of gender issue. We have many members here who are underage and we must keep Susan's Place Family Friendly for those members. To do this we are moderated and we have rules all members must abide. These rules are listed in the Terms of service. I will post the links to the Terms of Service and to other important information as well.

Again welcome to Susan's Place and if you wish, please consider stopping by the Introductions Forum and tell us a little about yourself.

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[ChrissyRyan]

The answer is no.  Transition is a process.  Who you are today.  The way you think about things.  ALL that will change after a while.  You will change. That's the magic of it.  It requires a leap into the unknown. Ask yourself will you always regret it if you don't take the leap?  I know personally that the fears I had back then are all irrelevant to who I am today.  But you are wrong about the no guarantee thing.

Transition is a process, it is a journey.  We have different routes and different destinations.  We each experience different obstacles and different motivators.  We have our own agendas, timetables, fears, and desires.

Chrissy


@Emma1017

[Northern Star Girl]

Most transitioners are quite aware that there is much more to passing than just appearance. 
As a side note, we are all aware that among cis-women that we can see those that appear very feminine and some that do not... the same thing as it applies to cis-men, some appear very masculine and some can appear to have some feminine features.    We are all very different whether we are male or female

While the makeup and accessories do help with the process of passing, other important things like clothing, hair, nails, mannerisms, voice and voice inflection, body movements, sitting, walking, eating and how we converse with one another....    all of that is obvious if we do any people-watching at a busy place like an airport or a shopping mall, and especially at a restaurant or coffee shop.  It becomes very apparent when we just watch the male/female couples and how they appear, how they interact, converse, eat, and walk with each other.