Author Topic: Chapter 5: I am Emma  (Read 81755 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1600 on: July 01, 2022, 10:52:42 am »


A friend just sent this to me and it's so positive for a change I wanted to share:



  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Jessica_Rose

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 2,050
  • Reputation: +135/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1601 on: July 01, 2022, 12:12:19 pm »
Thanks for posting this Emma!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1602 on: July 03, 2022, 01:57:32 pm »

Thanks Jessica.  felt we needed to hear from some allies.  ;D

  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Online TXSara

  • Family
  • *****
  • *
  • Posts: 578
  • Reputation: +12/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1603 on: July 03, 2022, 04:11:40 pm »
A friend just sent this to me and it's so positive for a change I wanted to share:

I finally had a chance to watch this, and it was fantastic.  Looks like he's right here in town, too!  I guess too bad I'm not Baptist  ;D

Thanks for sharing!

~Sara

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1604 on: July 05, 2022, 01:10:28 pm »

I’m so glad it was valuable Sara. I watched it twice. I was so nice to have rational voice of reason for once, particularly from a religious leader!
  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1605 on: July 11, 2022, 11:18:20 am »


I had my first therapy session in weeks today.  My therapist said that I am not doing enough to express myself and it shows in what I say and what I write. I guess I hate hearing the truth...but probably that is exactly what I want to hear.

This Thursday I arranged for a make up lesson at the hair salon that does my hair and, yes, I am looking forward to it.

Trying so hard to not transition and failing miserably... ::)





  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline davina61

  • *
  • Posts: 8,250
  • Reputation: +15/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • The ramblings of an old dear
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1606 on: July 11, 2022, 12:44:45 pm »
Fail away dear , looks like the universe is winning-------
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1607 on: July 11, 2022, 01:52:23 pm »

 ☺️❤️!!!
  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Alice

  • *
  • Posts: 224
  • Reputation: +15/-0
  • Gender: Female
    • The Battle Within
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1608 on: July 12, 2022, 03:19:11 am »

I had my first therapy session in weeks today.  My therapist said that I am not doing enough to express myself and it shows in what I say and what I write. I guess I hate hearing the truth...but probably that is exactly what I want to hear.

This Thursday I arranged for a make up lesson at the hair salon that does my hair and, yes, I am looking forward to it.

Trying so hard to not transition and failing miserably... ::)

Welcome to the club. I tried not to transition for a long time but I am so glad I tried again.

Alice
 

Offline ChrissyRyan

  • Have a gentle manner ❤️
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 36,447
  • Reputation: +42/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1609 on: July 12, 2022, 07:22:56 am »

I had my first therapy session in weeks today.  My therapist said that I am not doing enough to express myself and it shows in what I say and what I write. I guess I hate hearing the truth...but probably that is exactly what I want to hear.

This Thursday I arranged for a make up lesson at the hair salon that does my hair and, yes, I am looking forward to it.

Trying so hard to not transition and failing miserably... ::)


The makeup lesson sounds good Emma.

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  
.

I am a brown eyed brunette.

Offline Sephirah

  • *
  • Posts: 5,769
  • Reputation: +343/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1610 on: July 12, 2022, 01:26:16 pm »

I had my first therapy session in weeks today.  My therapist said that I am not doing enough to express myself and it shows in what I say and what I write. I guess I hate hearing the truth...but probably that is exactly what I want to hear.

This Thursday I arranged for a make up lesson at the hair salon that does my hair and, yes, I am looking forward to it.

Trying so hard to not transition and failing miserably... ::)

Um... at the risk of playing Devil's Advocate here... I don't understand this at all.

Enough for what? Or whom? That's... let's just say that's not something I would tell someone. I think it's kind of... arbitrary and controlling. I dunno. What does your therapist consider "enough" to be expressing yourself?

People do things differently. Everyone is different. Anyone telling someone else what they should be doing kind of gets my heckles up instinctively. I'm sorry but it does. And a therapist ought to know better. I'm sorry. It feels to me like your therapist has some kind of roadmap that you should be following, and never deviate from. Which... I don't agree with at all.

Truth is 99% subjective based on the person telling it.

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1611 on: July 12, 2022, 03:03:30 pm »

Alice I am still testing my resolve to compromise.

Chrissy make overs are part of the compromise.

My next physical step is two days of intense electrolysis in September. The big question for me is my GCS surgery scheduled in February. It is “put up or shut up” time because I can’t wait two more years when I will be 69.

The obvious key question for me is how much do I need to transition and how much can my relationship tolerate change?

  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1612 on: July 13, 2022, 12:12:58 am »

Sorry Sephirah it was my poor phrasing. What happened was that she was only summarizing what I said in the session, that I felt like I wasn’t expressing my feminine self enough and that it was also reflected in what I said and what I wrote.

I love your new avatar by the way.
  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Sephirah

  • *
  • Posts: 5,769
  • Reputation: +343/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1613 on: July 13, 2022, 01:19:16 pm »
Sorry Sephirah it was my poor phrasing. What happened was that she was only summarizing what I said in the session, that I felt like I wasn’t expressing my feminine self enough and that it was also reflected in what I said and what I wrote.

I love your new avatar by the way.

Me, too. Thank you! <3

But... um... same question for you, then. Enough for what? Or whom?

This is the thing I always struggle with. Feminine and female are two different things. One isn't necessarily linked to the other. You can be a feminine guy but still be a guy. Or a masculine girl but still be a girl. One is a way of being, the other is a state of being. They don't always go hand-in-hand.

I know sometimes trans people link them more closely. To be one you have to be the other... but that simply isn't true. You don't have to act or speak or write in a feminine manner to be Emma. You just are Emma. That's the baseline you build the rest of your life around, you know? How you are, how you speak, how you write they're all a part of that. The experiences you've had, the people you've met, the world you've built for yourself... they're all based on that. To me... this is what being yourself is. It's using who you are as a canvas for everything else. For the rest of your life to be painted on. And no it's not going to be stereotypical, or the same as everyone else. But that's a good thing!

You don't have to be this image of a woman that you may have created, Emma. Because that's no different to the images people create of each other every day. You just have to be your own woman. And own everything about yourself. You just have to say "I think therefore I am." Descartes had it right. Emphasis on "am". You exist. You are Emma. No matter whether life takes you in a masculine or feminine direction, or a blend of the two. You just... are. :)

Go be you instead of worrying how to be you. It's much less stressful.

Love you, hon.

L X

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1614 on: July 13, 2022, 02:06:35 pm »


Sephirah I agree that essentially I am who I am. I don’t argue with the essence of spirit and that the body is just a shelll but I want my shell to be at least a reflection of what I think my essence is. Given the sense of humor by Mother Nature, I am the opposite of who I see.

I am driving to what I need vs what I want (thank you Mick Jagger)…😁
  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Sephirah

  • *
  • Posts: 5,769
  • Reputation: +343/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1615 on: July 13, 2022, 02:22:48 pm »

Sephirah I agree that essentially I am who I am. I don’t argue with the essence of spirit and that the body is just a shelll but I want my shell to be at least a reflection of what I think my essence is. Given the sense of humor by Mother Nature, I am the opposite of who I see.

I am driving to what I need vs what I want (thank you Mick Jagger)…😁

You need to be feminine? Your shell has nothing to do with it, Emma. This is kind of the point. People with physical dysphoria change their bodies to reflect the image of the person they have in their minds eye. It is de-coupled from the way they act. Tell any tomboy woman they aren't a woman because they don't speak the right way, or have the right interests, or should not feel happy under the hood of a muscle car, or hanging with the guys... they will claw your eyes out.

That isn't what this is about. In my opinion. Your "Shell" is how you feel when you see yourself. Nothing more, nothing less. The rest of you... you get to create. If you're happy with how you look, to yourself and others then that's one thing. But how you act doesn't have to go along with that in the stereotypical view of all women should be wallflowers and all men should be dudebros and all non-binary people just don't exist. You create this for yourself.

There is nothing wrong with wanting your body to feel right, sweetie. This is what I suffer with. Physical dysphoria. The feeling of just not being in your own skin. But doing that doesn't also mean you have to suddenly want to take up flower arranging or say "Like" every other word in a sentence. This is my point. How you act is not a reflection of who you are. Who you are is a reflection of who you are. If you want to hang with the guys, shoot guns, build muscle cars, go jumping out of planes, wrestle people three times your size... go for it!

But never blame yourself for how you act being anything less than. It just is who you are. It's part of who you are. You are your own person. Then, now and always. You have nothing to prove, no standard to meet. If people expect things of you to satisfy their own view of the world... that isn't your problem. You can be a woman without feeling like you have to act like a girly girl. People have been doing it since the dawn of time, Emma. That's the point I'm trying to make. Make changes that make you happy, but don't make changes because you feel they're being forced on you to try and fill a role which isn't you, okay?

*huggles*

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1616 on: July 13, 2022, 02:44:46 pm »

We never have a boring dialogue Sephirah 😁.

In my case I want to see the woman I am. My only hesitation is my relationship with my wife. That is the only hesitation. If she could accept me as Emma I would have transitioned three years ago and spare everyone my perpetual angst.

I am now trying to see how much I need to change versus how I can be happy as is. It is entirely my decision.  I keep asking everyone for an opinion and that is useless. I feel like my need to transition will win out regardless of how much I fight it.  I just can’t give up on my relationship without this seemingly endless fight.

  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Sephirah

  • *
  • Posts: 5,769
  • Reputation: +343/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1617 on: July 13, 2022, 03:09:07 pm »
We never have a boring dialogue Sephirah 😁.

Heh, you know me... ;)

Quote
In my case I want to see the woman I am. My only hesitation is my relationship with my wife. That is the only hesitation. If she could accept me as Emma I would have transitioned three years ago and spare everyone my perpetual angst.

I am now trying to see how much I need to change versus how I can be happy as is. It is entirely my decision.  I keep asking everyone for an opinion and that is useless. I feel like my need to transition will win out regardless of how much I fight it.  I just can’t give up on my relationship without this seemingly endless fight.

Opinions are only as useful as the value you take from them, sweetie. Everyone has a different life and their view is coloured by that. It can't be any other way because that's just how we are.

Let me ask you a question, okay? To you personally, how much of "being a woman" is mental, and how much is physical?

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,192
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1618 on: July 13, 2022, 06:36:00 pm »


For me they are interdependent. For example my breast have a significant impact on me as I have found new ways to feel the world around me.


  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Sephirah

  • *
  • Posts: 5,769
  • Reputation: +343/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Chapter 5: I am Emma
« Reply #1619 on: July 14, 2022, 02:38:09 pm »

For me they are interdependent. For example my breast have a significant impact on me as I have found new ways to feel the world around me.

Okay, but they have nothing to do with how you speak or write, right? This is kind of my point. Feminine and female aren't the same thing. What you're feeling is being in the right body? Just feeling... normal in your own skin. That's what I'm getting at, sweetie. You don't have to change other parts of yourself just to change this part of yourself. It's a baseline. Knowing what feels right and wrong to you, and changing it. You don't have to change your entire personality to something you feel has to match it. That's all. :) Being something and acting like something aren't the same thing.

This is something I see a lot with trans people and I suspect some of it comes from the people they have to deal with in order to affect that change. If you're not uber feminine, you don't deserve a female body, or vice versa. Which, honestly I think is just silly and an affront to every person born who doesn't fit the mental mold people put others in. Be you, in every way you can. It's that simple.

*hugs*

Tags: