Topic: What is your reaction and feelings when and if you get “clocked”?

[ChrissyRyan]

What is your reaction and feelings when and if you get “clocked” (did not “pass”)?

Do you shrug it off?
Do you feel unhappy or mad?
Do you communicate a reply to any unkind comment made to you?
Do you try to educate the individual about transgender people in this case or talk about equality?

As some transgender people are being physically harmed is it better to ignore any unthoughtful comment?

Depending on the situation, I may say at times, “I am Chris and I am transitioning.  Please be kind and understanding.  I would appreciate that very much.  Thank you.”

Chrissy

[Battle Goddess]

I live in a tolerant area and pass fairly well with a mask on, and we have other trans folks in town, so at worst most people don't make any issue of it.

One does get a certain number of sour faces,  though, and every once in a while some character will heavily and obnoxiously emphasize "Sir."

Eh. White male privilege is great, and if they think I'm some fiftysomething white guy playing dress-up, they pretty much have to go along with it. Tough nuts for them.

So sour faces or or "sirs," I give them a big ol' grin and carry on like I don't care. Maybe they can't see my mouth, but they can see it in my lovely eyes, and their seeing me happy and themselves irrelevant is (imo) the best retort of all.

[kellyinaz]

i just smile and say Have A Nice Day

[Gertrude]

It's weird. I have not transitioned and my therapist is trying to encourage me to do so. I am more afraid of being made fun of than any physical harm at all and understand that while I live in a state that has no protections for trans folks, where I work does. It shouldn't be a problem there at all and yet, the fear is real. I'd rather go down an alley in Maryvale at night than be FT or attempt to. I don't know how to unleash the 5'2 Sicilian when en femme that I do or would as a male. Understand I am 6'5. The reason I use that analogy is that a favorite teacher I had in HS said I had a 5'2 Sicilian inside of me. Sometimes I am not sure what he meant, but my Italian heritage is Napolitano, which makes it funnier to me.

[Faith]

I get more depressed. I know I am not where I want to be and being reminded of that exacerbates my issues.

[Pammie]

Oh I wish this didn’t get to me but it really always does and I can’t stop being impacted by it. It makes my heart sink, my stomach churn and my self-belief quaver. Im 6’2” and that is a challenge as there no other women my height in the whole of Manchester (that I’ve met!).
I just desperately need to pass and not passing really hurts. Im very weak , I see that.


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[sarahc]

Grimace a little bit internally and ignore it externally. At this point, I really only get clocked when I put zero effort into my appearance. But when I do get clocked, it’s not worth the effort to correct someone who I’ll likely never see again.

Sarah

[Megan.]

I'm not that observational!

I work on the assumption that I don't pass, 5'10" and 190lbs, I'm a 'tall ship'

My reaction if I think someone knows I'm trans is to carry on like normal. If they want to have a negative response, then I'll manage that, but more than 99% if my experiences have been positive.

Devlyn and I, out and about together, do attract some attention. It's not deliberate, but also fairly unavoidable. And neither of us is going to lock ourselves in to keep others happy.

If someone knows I'm trans, then they also know I'm happy, confident and proud with it. I've educated them without even trying. X

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[RandyL]

I really don't try to pass as I'm early in my transition and lack a lot of things, like a reliable voice and facial hair removal. This also in theory shields me from feeling bad when I get a Sir, since I didn't expect to pass anyway.

Yet, when shopping dressed femme, I was still put off by the clerk calling me sir. Doesn't he see what I'm wearing? But then, maybe a male wouldn't notice my clothing lol

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[Pammie]

I'm not that observational!

I work on the assumption that I don't pass, 5'10" and 190lbs, I'm a 'tall ship'

My reaction if I think someone knows I'm trans is to carry on like normal. If they want to have a negative response, then I'll manage that, but more than 99% if my experiences have been positive.

Devlyn and I, out and about together, do attract some attention. It's not deliberate, but also fairly unavoidable. And neither of us is going to lock ourselves in to keep others happy.

If someone knows I'm trans, then they also know I'm happy, confident and proud with it. I've educated them without even trying. X

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I think im going to have to go back to my therapist - the more I think about it the more I think I need to get over my desperate desire to always pass


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[Northern Star Girl]

I'm not that observational!

I work on the assumption that I don't pass, 5'10" and 190lbs, I'm a 'tall ship'

My reaction if I think someone knows I'm trans is to carry on like normal. If they want to have a negative response, then I'll manage that, but more than 99% if my experiences have been positive.

Devlyn and I, out and about together, do attract some attention. It's not deliberate, but also fairly unavoidable. And neither of us is going to lock ourselves in to keep others happy.

If someone knows I'm trans, then they also know I'm happy, confident and proud with it. I've educated them without even trying. X

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@Megan.   cc: @Devlyn
Dear Megan:
Very well stated and a good attitude to possess...  self confidence and pride in who you are.   
Accepting yourself is a key element in promoting acceptance from others.

HUGS and continue to heal and recover...  Your updates are a joy to read!
Danielle

[Devlyn]

I was clocked hard on the phone when I was getting an update on Megan. It was "sir" all the way through the phone tree. 

A reminder for everyone, it isn't all about what you look like. 

[Megan.]

I think im going to have to go back to my therapist - the more I think about it the more I think I need to get over my desperate desire to always pass


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It took me a long time to find that place, and yes, misgendering, usually on the phone, sux for me too.

It was a conscious choice I made due my own circumstances and situation. I get there are others whose very safety or even life is at risk with my attitude.

It's a personal thing, you do you. X



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[Pammie]

It took me a long time to find that place, and yes, misgendering, usually on the phone, sux for me too.

It was a conscious choice I made due my own circumstances and situation. I get there are others whose very safety or even life is at risk with my attitude.

It's a personal thing, you do you. X



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Thanks Megan - hope ur recovery is progressing well xx


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[ChrissyRyan]

I live in a tolerant area and pass fairly well with a mask on, and we have other trans folks in town, so at worst most people don't make any issue of it.

One does get a certain number of sour faces,  though, and every once in a while some character will heavily and obnoxiously emphasize "Sir."

Eh. White male privilege is great, and if they think I'm some fiftysomething white guy playing dress-up, they pretty much have to go along with it. Tough nuts for them.

So sour faces or or "sirs," I give them a big ol' grin and carry on like I don't care. Maybe they can't see my mouth, but they can see it in my lovely eyes, and their seeing me happy and themselves irrelevant is (imo) the best retort of all.

It is good to be in a tolerant area.  Masks may help.  They do make facial makeup somewhat what useless and this then takes less time to look better before going out.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

i just smile and say Have A Nice Day

That is a nice reply. 


Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

I get more depressed. I know I am not where I want to be and being reminded of that exacerbates my issues.

Faith,

Thank you for posting here again, we missed you.
Thanks for sharing out too.

Getting clocked is no fun, and although I want to not give a care of what others think, that is extremely hard to put into practice.

Hugs,

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

It's weird. I have not transitioned and my therapist is trying to encourage me to do so. I am more afraid of being made fun of than any physical harm at all and understand that while I live in a state that has no protections for trans folks, where I work does. It shouldn't be a problem there at all and yet, the fear is real. I'd rather go down an alley in Maryvale at night than be FT or attempt to. I don't know how to unleash the 5'2 Sicilian when en femme that I do or would as a male. Understand I am 6'5. The reason I use that analogy is that a favorite teacher I had in HS said I had a 5'2 Sicilian inside of me. Sometimes I am not sure what he meant, but my Italian heritage is Napolitano, which makes it funnier to me.

Gertrude,

We have our our comfort levels and pace of transitioning. I am slower than I wanted to be at first, but I decided to go slow and it is okay for the most part.  Except some days, when I yearn for total transition a lot. 

Hugs,

Chrissy

[Battle Goddess]

I was clocked hard on the phone....It was "sir" all the way through the phone tree. 

A reminder for everyone, it isn't all about what you look like. 

True enough.

In the spirit of the proverb, "Better to be thought a fool and keep one's mouth shut than to open it and remove all suspicion," I do try to limit my vocal interactions. My voice sucks.

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[Gertrude]

Gertrude,

We have our our comfort levels and pace of transitioning. I am slower than I wanted to be at first, but I decided to go slow and it is okay for the most part.  Except some days, when I yearn for total transition a lot. 

Hugs,

Chrissy

I think it has to do with a few factors, one's personality and also how old they are and the culture they come from and area they live. The age I grew up in was much more anti-LGBT than for someone 20 years or more younger than me and it was worse for those older than me. I also think that the longer one lives with that conditioning, the harder it is to overcome the self-hate. There are days when I say to myself, what's wrong with me? Social integration is so important. A society that welcomes and accepts all would alleviate these consequences. We're not there yet.