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You’re Being tempted by the devil

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no-moose:
I just had a horrific coming out conversation with one of my closest friends. I decided to talk with him because I’m needing to build a support network as I begin exploring whether or not I will transition.

I’m fairly certain he spoke out of ignorance - I have doubts that he even knows anyone else who is transgender or even what I mean or feel by it... never the less his first reaction was that he was afraid I’m being tempted by the devil because “you have a perfect life” - which is even more disheartening to hear because I had just told him how I had been suicidal just a month ago, and was at my breaking point with repression. I had also told him in the conversation that I feel god might be leading me to transition, and that that injection of hope felt absolutely life giving.

I don’t know what to do now. I feel like I’ve lost a friend. He keeps texting and I haven’t responded for a week. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s been one of my closest 2 or 3 friends on the planet, I wouldn’t be worrying. But I’m not sure what to do. My therapist suggested sending an email. I’m just worried it will continue to get worse...

Any advice? Encouragement? Reassurance? Wisdom?
Theological treatise?
I know this is a real trans experience thing to go through and that it’s probably just the beginning...but it fees so awful because this was someone I thought would be “on my team” no matter what.

Thanks


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Misato:
My grandma did the same to me when I tried to transition circa 2004. It fed into my decision at the time to abandon my efforts. From that choice I advise staying your course cause in my case it only delayed the inevitable by 6 years.

As you're leaning toward, when I still believed in god I ended up coming to hold that transition was just a part of the plan god had for me. This is quite the journey, and you're going to learn *a lot*. *A lot* that to this day I don't know how one can learn any other way. It's entirely within the realm of reason that the lessons ahead are part of the plan god has in store for you. As they are lessons that will inform your future interactions with the world to do god's good work.

However you phrase your response I think you'd do well to come from a happier connotation like that. The old "god made a mistake," line I think did a lot of harm for our community that may have even enabled the accusation(s) of satan being involved. Well. That and the Old Testament. Deuteronomy did a number on me for a long time cause when I believed in god, I believed. Anyway people are born with all kinds of stuff different than standard issue. The idea that somehow in that messy, organic chaos of conception to birth gender being crossed with sex would be strictly excluded is hard to believe.

It's still a lousy situation to be in. *hugs* And good luck.

Rakel:
Tempted by the devil? No, not me.

I was listening to other people for many years. This just made me feel worse. I prayed to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. While they did not specifically come out and verbally tell me what to do, paths seem to open the way for me to transition. Even with those paths open, I was still reluctant to enter onto this path to fully transition.

After much study of the New Testament, I came to the conclusion that God really has no issue with our physical body. He is only concerned with our spiritual self.

TheWomanWithinMe:
no-moose:

My condolences on your current struggles.  It appears your conversation hit upon two different topics, one highlighting your deep depression and the other revealing that you are transgender and are contemplating transitioning.  A trained professional would be hard pressed to know how to handle such a conversation and provide just the right support you need in the short or long term.

People can sometimes say the most outlandish or unhelpful things in a very difficult conversation. They may also lack the skill to carry on a supportive conversation with another person.  They may also believe in things that run contrary to your beliefs.  Your friend seems to exhibit all three.

Best friends should look for ways to make each others lives incrementally better, if that doesn't occur you are simply acquaintances. Acquaintances don't hold each other accountable for anything meaningful whereas best friends do.

You place great value on what you have long thought of as a close friendship and feel angst about the possible loss of it. That doesn't seem like the kind of behavior one would exhibit if they were under the control of some evil influence.  I suspect that if you could observe all the transgender folks throughout the world you would find them no more "evil" than cis gender folks and many might be pillars of their community.

You aren't choosing to be transgender, you have been one from the first few months of your development. It's a situation entirely out of your control to change. Being "you" is just as natural as your "friend" or the other billions of humans being "themselves".  The difference is cisgender folks became "themselves" at a very early age and we discovered our "true" selves much later in life.  Why anyone would fault us for wanting to be as close to our "true" selves (however far one wants to pursue such an endeavor) as humanly possible boggles the mind.





 


Maid Marion:
Sorry to hear that.  Who will be helpful when you transition is totally unpredictable.  We don't know what issues our friends have.   Sometimes they are deep secrets that they have never told anyone.

Marion

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