Author Topic: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)  (Read 11393 times)

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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #180 on: October 26, 2021, 10:54:01 am »
Quote
Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things.

Hey, that's Red!

Offline jennifer7020

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #181 on: October 26, 2021, 12:05:17 pm »
Hey, that's Red!

Andy talking to Red.. isn't it?  Maybe there is some hope for Rachel's wife.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #182 on: November 10, 2021, 09:30:47 pm »
So much going on in my life right now that I can’t share, but I can say it has been stressful and emotionally draining.  I am focused on minimizing harm and making the best of a terrible situation.

If you pray, please pray for me and my family.

Offline Laura1951

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #183 on: November 10, 2021, 09:46:50 pm »
Hang in there Rachel. Transitioning is tough, but it's so much harder when you're married. We're all with you and hope you find peace during this challenging time.

Laura
“When you’re ready, start living your truth. That’s when the magic happens.”

One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey   |  Laura's HRT Journal 

Full Time since 11/27/20  |  Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #184 on: November 10, 2021, 10:26:24 pm »
So much going on in my life right now that I can’t share, but I can say it has been stressful and emotionally draining.  I am focused on minimizing harm and making the best of a terrible situation.

If you pray, please pray for me and my family.

@Rachel Montgomery
Dear Rachel:
Yes indeed, transitioning is not for the weak... it takes personal fortitude and and a lot of determination in order to deal with existing relationships and to continue on in your journey.

Yes, I do pray and I will be trusting and praying for you and your situation.
Please keep me and the rest of your followers updated as you feel comfortable doing.

Wishing you peace, success, and happiness.
Stay healthy and stay safe,
HUGS and lots more HUGS   
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Online Julie H

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #185 on: November 10, 2021, 10:44:40 pm »
Hugs if you need an ear send me a pm.
Julie

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #186 on: November 12, 2021, 11:44:19 am »
@Rachel Montgomery
Dear Rachel:

                 

HUGS,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #187 on: November 12, 2021, 11:45:01 am »
Thank you all. 

I am sorry for being cryptic. 

I am still hoping to defer or avoid transitioning because that would probably end most of my relationships with my family.

Recently, there has been a different drama in my family which drama is not directly centered around to me, but most seriously effecting me.  To clarify, no one is upset with me, but many people in my family want nothing to do with each other now because of some personal decisions some members of my family have made.  It effects me because although I don't want any of my relationship to be negatively impacted, and therefor I am purely in the roll of mediator, I seem to be the singular person (hopefully later to be revealed to be among others, but right now just me) who want to remain close to all concerned. 

Harsh things have been said.  Feelings have been hurt.  Threats have been made.  And, much of the damage is beyond repair.  There are MANY challenges to be worked through with other family members if relations are to continue.  Some my choose to ghost both me and others.  Family holidays will be fractured.  But, unlike some, I may be able to preserve some decent relationship with everyone.  Maybe not.  If I come out as trans, the people objecting to what is being objected to would cut ties with me also.  so, the fracture line of this hanging point is along the fault line for me coming out. 

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #188 on: November 12, 2021, 11:58:43 am »
@Rachel Montgomery
Dear Rachel:
You are not alone with what you are going through.

I have personal and painful experience with my immediate and extended family
and what were my former good friends "back home."

I was not accepted and supported by my family, my parents especially, even to this day.  I even had acceptance difficulties with quite a few of my "former" friends back home...
Now since I relocated to Alaska to start my own business and to restart my life and relationships I have finally found
acceptance, support and very friendly relationships.

I would encourage you to attempt to try hard to make make things better at home and with your family...
... since you are married you just can't pack up and relocate. 

Might I suggest couples counseling, meeting with you therapist to discuss these specific issues, etc ? ???

HUGS and best wishes as always.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #189 on: November 12, 2021, 12:26:53 pm »
I am open to couples counseling.  My wife doesn't seem to be.  She felt that the couples counselor she and her first husband used was on his side.  So, she doesn't want a counselor.  She fears they would just say her concerns about my gender are her problem to deal with and hers alone.  While I believe that is true to a degree, in relationships things are rarely all up to one person to deal with.  Some compromise is often possible. 

An example would be, if I did transition we could agree to relocate to a place where it isn't as much of a taboo.  And, we could stay married, but each have out own bedroom, and share our lives as soul mates...no husband, just me and her together taking care of each other and legally married.  That would be a compromise.  What I'd prefer is to keep the same bedroom and be her wife.  But, regardless I would LIKE to spend my life with her.

Another compromise would be that we get divorced, buy houses next to each other, and remain a big part of each other's life. 

Again, I am not transitioning now, maybe never.  These are just examples of compromises to preserve a relationship.

Offline jennifer7020

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #190 on: November 12, 2021, 02:32:31 pm »
I am open to couples counseling.  My wife doesn't seem to be.  She felt that the couples counselor she and her first husband used was on his side.  So, she doesn't want a counselor.  She fears they would just say her concerns about my gender are her problem to deal with and hers alone.  While I believe that is true to a degree, in relationships things are rarely all up to one person to deal with.  Some compromise is often possible. 

An example would be, if I did transition we could agree to relocate to a place where it isn't as much of a taboo.  And, we could stay married, but each have out own bedroom, and share our lives as soul mates...no husband, just me and her together taking care of each other and legally married.  That would be a compromise.  What I'd prefer is to keep the same bedroom and be her wife.  But, regardless I would LIKE to spend my life with her.

Another compromise would be that we get divorced, buy houses next to each other, and remain a big part of each other's life. 

Again, I am not transitioning now, maybe never.  These are just examples of compromises to preserve a relationship.

In my own life, I am finding out compromise is not just possible, compromise is a requirement.  We aren't in hugely different places - something we've both noticed and commented on before.  In some ways, a lack of flexibility is like a fork in the road.  A marriage is a give and take, something that helps, supports and sustains. In my life anyway the compromises around who I am have all gone one way. There is a fork in my life-- live my own life or compromise myself 100% of the time. I can sense the love you have for your wife and hope you never get to where I am.

mmm someday, I think a good thread would be about places you think would be accepting.. but are not. leave that one there, albeit I think my beloved Boston (Mass) is not how many imagine it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #191 on: November 12, 2021, 02:55:28 pm »
- - - - - -
    - - - - - -
mmm someday, I think a good thread would be about places you think would be accepting.. but are not. leave that one there, albeit I think my beloved Boston (Mass) is not how many imagine it.
@jennifer7020
Dear Jennifer:
On some of the various sub-forums here there have been several threads that
discuss LGBTQ and trans-friendly places to live.
Here is a LINK below to just one of the several threads that may interest you.

                      Advice on places to live
click LINK --> https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255739.0.html

Take some time to read various members postings and comments all around the Forums...
...you just may get some of the answers you are seeking.

HUGS and best wishes to you,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline jennifer7020

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #192 on: November 12, 2021, 03:05:33 pm »
@jennifer7020
Dear Jennifer:
On some of the various sub-forums here there have been several threads that
discuss LGBTQ and trans-friendly places to live.
Here is a LINK below to just one of the several threads that may interest you.

                      Advice on places to live
click LINK --> https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255739.0.html

Take some time to read various members postings and comments all around the Forums...
...you just may get some of the answers you are seeking.

HUGS and best wishes to you,
Danielle


Thanks Danielle.. although I am not looking. Yet anyway.

Closer to realizing as I look to start HRT in the next few months more than a few friends are likely to fall out of my circle.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Pammie

Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #193 on: November 12, 2021, 03:31:23 pm »
Thanks Danielle.. although I am not looking. Yet anyway.

Closer to realizing as I look to start HRT in the next few months more than a few friends are likely to fall out of my circle.
You may not lose friends but it’s very possible that you will. Unless people have always known ur trans it will be a massive shock and close friends will often perceive grief at their loss. Many many people pleasantly surprise at how they adapt though!


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Offline jennifer7020

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #194 on: November 13, 2021, 07:38:58 am »
You may not lose friends but it’s very possible that you will. Unless people have always known ur trans it will be a massive shock and close friends will often perceive grief at their loss. Many many people pleasantly surprise at how they adapt though!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

without purloining too much of Rachel's blog... hope for the best, plan for the worst. right?

thanks!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline EllenW

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #195 on: November 13, 2021, 11:26:58 am »
I am open to couples counseling.  My wife doesn't seem to be.  She felt that the couples counselor she and her first husband used was on his side.  So, she doesn't want a counselor.  She fears they would just say her concerns about my gender are her problem to deal with and hers alone.

I fully understand your wife's concern about couples counseling. It worked for me and my wife was separate counseling. My therapist believes separate therapist is the best way to go. Each therapist would be working for what's best for the person they are seeing. Diane's therapist worked her to understand my GID. That I am the same person she fell in love. Even after transition. This really allowed us to continue as a couple during and after my transition to full time.

I strongly suggest that you get separate therapist. And remember, no matter what happens you have every on this site support you in whatever path you take.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #196 on: November 17, 2021, 03:54:51 pm »
So far, I have not been convinced that gods exist...

I used to be that way, too. I guess I only have evidence of one, but I'm not arguing with Her.

Regarding your kids, Rachel, I think you made a pretty good choice. They're outside your control. Even if they told you they'd stopped doing whatever it is, you'd have no way of knowing. It's all part of their growing up and testing their own boundaries to see where they themselves feel comfortable. You gave them additional information to consider, which is about all you can do. And at least they're willing to tell you what they're up to. Better openness and trust from them than concealment and catastrophe.

I hope your latest family uproar won't ruin your holiday. I don't think it's your job to assuage other peoples' drama, though. They don't get to pile that on top of all the other injustices they heap upon you.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess

"When going through hell, best keep moving." -- Old & Creaky

“Darling,” She said, “it doesn’t matter. You have only one choice. You can walk farther along the path or not. It’s a narrow path. You may be scared about lifting your foot up to take your next step. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to step very far. It’s up to you.
"But all you get to do is choose. Your anxieties, your fears, your courage, your happiness, your rage: go ahead and feel them all you want. They don’t matter. What matters is what you choose.
“I can promise you a long and fascinating road. I’ll give you tools along the way. I’ll be with you every step.
“Now make your choice.” --  my beloved Battle Goddess

Pammie

Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #197 on: November 17, 2021, 04:58:48 pm »
I used to be that way, too. I guess I only have evidence of one, but I'm not arguing with Her.

I’ll probably get into more trouble but that statement just requires a different perspective. I do wish that there was one and that it was a she. Sadly, my little girl being ripped away from this earth is all the proof I needed.


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Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #198 on: November 17, 2021, 07:09:57 pm »
I’ll probably get into more trouble but that statement just requires a different perspective. I do wish that there was one and that it was a she. Sadly, my little girl being ripped away from this earth is all the proof I needed.


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I can't even imagine your pain.  I know there is nothing I can say to make it better, so I will just say:
I am very sorry for your loss.

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Rachel Montgomery's Journey (Part I?)
« Reply #199 on: November 18, 2021, 11:29:16 am »
I’ll probably get into more trouble but that statement just requires a different perspective. I do wish that there was one and that it was a she. Sadly, my little girl being ripped away from this earth is all the proof I needed.


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Pammie, your grief resonates. I am so very sorry for your loss.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess

"When going through hell, best keep moving." -- Old & Creaky

“Darling,” She said, “it doesn’t matter. You have only one choice. You can walk farther along the path or not. It’s a narrow path. You may be scared about lifting your foot up to take your next step. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to step very far. It’s up to you.
"But all you get to do is choose. Your anxieties, your fears, your courage, your happiness, your rage: go ahead and feel them all you want. They don’t matter. What matters is what you choose.
“I can promise you a long and fascinating road. I’ll give you tools along the way. I’ll be with you every step.
“Now make your choice.” --  my beloved Battle Goddess