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Not entirely comfortable

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Alice:
Hi all,

I am two weeks into my new job and I am surprised about how self-conscious I currently feel. For those who remember I lost my job in August and for those here in the forums, I started a new role two weeks ago.

I had a very reflective day at work yesterday wondering why I have been so self-conscious over the last 2 weeks. I out it down to a couple of things

1) I am very exposed to the public. In my previous role, I drove to work and our office was away from the main shopping area where it was easy to go for a walk to the lake. My current role I am in the central part of the city and I only need to walk out the door to enter the main shopping center. I also now catch public transport into work each day. I remember during the week the wind was blowing my dress close to my body. I was hoping no-one noticed how uncomfortable I was feeling in the wind.

In my time out in public, I never felt like I do now. Maybe it is that I just now very exposed every day. Maybe it is re-adjusting to working every day.

2) I not yet entirely comfortable. While I have proved I function so much better as Alice, it comes with a cost every day. Every day I need to wear my wig which can blow off on windy days. And I also need to tuck as much as possible to cut down experiences like above.

Do not get me wrong, I am happy with my progress and being able to work as Alice every day. It has been a particularly long road for myself to get here. I just feel there is still a long road ahead as I am not looking to have my surgery until early 2022 at the earliest. I wish there was an easier way but I know this is the road I must travel.

Alice

 know it is the right rIt has been a long road to get to this point.


EllenW:
Alice,

Hang in there, it will get easier. I remember first time I went into the office as Ellen.I was very nervous but everybody accepted me and did not get any strange looks. And my situation was very different. I transitioned at the company I had worked for over 10 years.

Ellen

Nadine Spirit:
For me it comes and goes.  As a teacher I have been super nervous at the start of each new school year.  I get an entirely new group of students and am always unsure how any one of them might respond to me.  And geez this year with doing it all online via Zoom, ugh I thought my heart would burst with how hard it was thumping in my chest for like the entire first month.  But somehow I survived and so will you!  Good luck!

Alice:

--- Quote from: Nadine Spirit on December 19, 2020, 11:06:42 am ---For me it comes and goes.  As a teacher I have been super nervous at the start of each new school year.  I get an entirely new group of students and am always unsure how any one of them might respond to me.  And geez this year with doing it all online via Zoom, ugh I thought my heart would burst with how hard it was thumping in my chest for like the entire first month.  But somehow I survived and so will you!  Good luck!

--- End quote ---

I just hope it is just myself getting used to the new environment. I was not expecting to be so nervous about anything after working full time as Alice for 12 months.

Alice

sarahc:
I am full time for almost a year, and I still get all of that nervousness every time I try something new socially. And I haven’t really had to do that many things this year because of the pandemic. Next year, I am going to be doing a ton of new things, much more than this year...and each time, I’m still going to be nervous as heck. I am particularly dreading formal events and needing to get dressed up, which I was able to avoid this year.

Sarah

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