Topic: Non-binary / gender fluid as a compromise?

[Wendywishes]

Hello all!  I am an AMAB who, until fairly recently, was completely "in the closet" about my gender dysphoria.  I am married to a not-so supportive spouse regarding this.  She loves me but does not want to have a relationship with a woman. 
So, I've done some deep thinking, and am wondering if I could live with just being gender fluid, presenting as male most of the time, but presenting as female when I can.  Yes, this sounds like the definition of a cross-dresser, but I also plan on going (back) on E and probably a T blocker.  However, I'd stop short of a full transition...just enough hopefully to ease my dysphoria and not enough to preclude having a masculine appearance when I need to. 
Now, if you were to ask the 20-year old me if this would work, I'd say nothing short of a complete transition would make me happy.  The almost 50-year old me, however, is thinking that given the facts, being gender fluid might be the best option.  It is a compromise, though, and I'm not sure it would make me happy enough to make my life enjoyable again.
I know there are those in the same situation pondering the same questions...does anybody have any experience they'd like to share or advice?  Has anyone been able to accept being gender fluid in place of a full transition?

[Devlyn]

I'm genderfluid, but with a full time female presentation. Gender is your innate sense of self. Gender identity is not the same as gender expression. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Maid Marion]

It is awkward socially to have an ambiguous gender presentation, as I often did as a short guy.  People's thinking gets twisted in knots because the can't figure out the gender and they get stuck.

For me, presenting female avoids that.

Marion

[Pammie]

I think going back on HRT may well change you physically and mentally so you would need to be ready for that too - it’s not a simple thing to manage or control. If your wife is not supportive is she likely to be cool about those changes?
It’s a tightrope isn’t it! Wishing you success! X


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[SarahEL]

I had a non-supportive spouse.. and she said, if you transition to female I will not be married to you..

Gender is innate, it is who you are.. are you gender-fluid, are you Non-binary? If so, and your spouse is accepting of that then I can see no issues..

If, however, like me, your binary female... .....  you may notice I said, I 'had' a non-supportive spouse..
But that is my story.. yours may be different.

[CaelaNotKayla]

I would highly recommend talking to your therapist about this sense of compromise. Initially identifying as a Bigender individual, I also considered non-binary/Gender-fluid as  a compromise. Through therapy I came to the realization that I actually am non-binary/Gender-fluid for gender identity with a Female-dominant expression of that gender- so for me this shift was very affirming. 

Hugs!!

Caela

[sarahc]

How you identify is very different from how you choose you live. I would remain clear-eyed about knowing your gender identity - don’t try to fool yourself because that’s just going to be mentally damaging. Don’t try to become gender fluid or non-binary if that isn’t you. It’s not going to work.

With that said, you can make practical sacrifices for the sake of things you care about, like your marriage. But that shouldn’t affect what you know deep down about yourself. One of things that kept me sane for decades prior to transition was that I accepted I was trans, but I was making what I determined was a rational decision to not pursue transition because of career and social considerations. And I was functional having made that choice. You might arrive at a similar conclusion, maybe accepting the need to embrace your true self in private sometimes.

This is definitely something to work through with your therapist.

Sarah

[Wendywishes]

Thank you everyone for the responses and great advice.  I'll talk with my therapist about it as well.  As for the hormonal changes, that is going to be a delicate balancing act.  I guess I won't know for sure if I can find self-acceptance with being gender fluid until I start down that path, and that first step is always the most difficult...

[DKTGSupport]

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