Author Topic: Introduction  (Read 173 times)

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Offline Thomasina

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Introduction
« on: January 14, 2021, 07:09:56 am »
Introduction kind of long,
Thomasina, twin, the female version of Thomas @47. Fitting. When I was young my parents would tease me with this name when I didn't fit, wouldn't they be surprised to learn that I took what they considered weakness and turned it into strength.
My best therapist would always say that we need to be mindful and to think of the spaces in-between, the middle ground, the yin/yang, and at my core female/male. I spent so many years trying to enforce a role that never felt my own, but that was what I was taught and that is what I enforced. This created a level of conflict that almost killed me and I don't mean that figuratively. I damaged my relationships and family by always being an alpha male. I spent years being the most staunch biblical supporter of relationship definition and society rule, all the while suppressing who I really was and not always conscious of it.
I found running 3 years ago (hard core 2 years ago and this is an accomplishment on it's own if you knew my past) and I use it as my self discovery time. Using it to apply all the years of skills taught in therapy to find myself, my true self. 1st working through my stressors and then looking inward and I found someone I tried to bury, cut, and destroy. 
 
So I formally acknowledge Thomasina, my twin and all her complexity. I am working to adjust the outside to match the inside and as the 2 sync I can feel such calm and centeredness. I have 2 grown children and a supportive spouse and I no longer have to hold on to the personality I had created and I truly never needed.  Like my spouse always says, look forward not back. As a runner I have endured some bullies as bad as high school and I found one thing on that journey that will help me on this one.
There is only one life and it is mine. I want to enjoy and try everything in it, not what someone else says it should be or any of their comments to the contrary of what I want. 

Thank you for everyone who posts their experiences, it has been inspirational and enlightening. I have no misconception that this journey is not difficult. What makes it easier now is not caring what others think and I have been through worse and I will be stronger on the other side. Same as running.

I held onto this intro and posting for a while but today as I start HRT it seems fitting.

Today it is they/them and someday I hope it will be she/her because I feel my best as Thomasina. I will keep a relationship with Thomas but I am afraid it's time for some distance.

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2021, 07:27:23 am »
Congratulations on the start of your journey! It sounds like this is something you have been thinking about for a while. Having a supportive spouse makes the trip a lot easier. Your history is not that different from mine, or from many others here at Susan's Place. I wish you all the best on your journey.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Journal - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out
GCS - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019
GCS II and FFS - GCS II and FFS with Dr. Ley on 26 July 2019
FFS II - FFS II with Dr. Ley on 13 Oct 2020
23Mar2017 Started Estradiol / 16Feb2018 Full Time! / 21Feb2019 GCS / 26July2019 GCS II & FFS

Don't let others tell you who you are. Be yourself, the world will adjust.

Online Devlyn

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2021, 07:40:37 am »
Hi Thomasina, welcome to Susan's Place! I've already seen your post in Roll Call, so I don't need to send you there.  :)

Here's our standard welcome packet, please read through the links below. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Things that you should read
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Offline Laura1951

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2021, 09:06:08 am »
Welcome Thomasina. You're among friends here and Susan's is a safe space to write about your feelings, experiences, and questions. Consider starting an HRT thread so you can chronicle your journey.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2021, 09:53:51 am »
Hello Thomasina, and welcome to the community- and to the start of your journey!

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline Thomasina

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #5 on: Yesterday at 06:32:25 am »
Thank you for the welcome. I read many of your posts from each of you over the last 24 hrs. and had tears. I do feel welcome and I am so proud of you all and how strong and vibrant you are. This is the light I am looking for, when you can feel it in your soul. It is so reassuring that I am not alone, I always thought I was.

The lasts year has been a ride. I started expressing myself even before I knew what was going on. Earrings, hair,  nails, certain clothes and before you knew it my spouse (A) is asking, are you ever going to wear men's jeans again. Well here I am this morning wearing jeans and it is killing me (last nights dysphoria wasn't much help), the only saving grace is to look down at my nails and feel grounded.
A and I have worked through a lot and have much more to come, like many relationships I see, there was a certain ideal she had in mind and I am altering that so it takes time, patience and, understanding.

Great idea to start a HRT log, I will have to work on that.
See you around

Offline Margrit

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #6 on: Yesterday at 11:09:54 am »
Hi

Welcome to the Forums.

Best wishes
Margrit
If a man can make you smile,
even if you don't want to,
then you love him.

Online SoCal_Holly

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #7 on: Yesterday at 12:27:38 pm »
Thomasina:

Hi! Welcome aboard!

Hugs!

Holly

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