Topic: GCS, Bluebond-Langner / Zhao, January 2021

[sarahc]

On Thursday, after 48 years and 169 days on this planet, the day I have wished for will have arrived: assuming nothing weird happens between now and Thursday, my GCS will be taking place. I have arrived in New York and am hanging out in my Airbnb, awaiting my upcoming GCS at NYU-Langone. Schedule for this week is:
* Monday: COVID test
* Wednesday: Pre-op appointment
* Thursday: Surgery day / sleep
* Friday: OMG! OMG! OMG! It's done!
* Next Tuesday: Discharge

Heading into this procedure, here are my thoughts:
* OMG! OMG! OMG! It's happening!
* Getting the ball rolling on slotting myself on the waiting list for NYU-Langone was one of the first things I did when I started transition. Now that I'm here, two years later, it really is nice to look back and see how much I have accomplished.
* I'm not scared of the surgery. I have high confidence in the surgical and aftercare team.
* I am daunted by the upcoming dilation trials. I hate having to stick to routines, but post-op dilation is the definition of the need to stick to routine. So I'm setting an initial goal of just going into hardcore beast mode and pushing through the first 90 days. No whining, no wavering; stick to the schedule.

If I can honestly say that I stuck to the 90-day routine, it will be one of my proudest achievements of my life.

Unlike @Megan., I will not be posting every day. Maybe 1-2x week for me. I'm a terrible journalist so I'll save up for important moments.

Stay tuned.

Sarah

[Rakel]

Take care and take comfort that we are all thinking of you. 

Many of us here have been through the same experience you are about to undertake. Feel free to post when you are up to it. No pressure from us. I, personally know of at least one other lady who has had surgery with Dr Bluebond-Langner. You are in safe hands. 

[Northern Star Girl]

@sarahc
Dear Sarah:
Your time has come!   

You will be my thoughts and prayers and in the thoughts
of everyone here on the forums as you are about to take
one of the big steps in your transition journey.

Only as you feel comfortable doing keep us all updated.

My best wishes and my prayers are with you.
HUGS, 
Danielle

[KateR]

Congratulations and Good Luck!

I still have 269 days to go ;-)


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[sarahc]

Day before surgery is so weird...

I just finished lunch and I’m going to put in a couple more hours of work before heading out to my pre-op appointment. It’s very weird! I have had a very normal work day, I did a couple of Zoom calls and I’m working through my tasks just like any other day.

But tomorrow, everything changes! Like everything! Tomorrow, I’m going to be completely out of it following the  surgery. And then Friday, I’ll be bedridden, still pretty out of it, and emotionally digesting what just happened and the long dilation recovery period ahead.

So weird how things can change just in a matter of hours. It must be something similar to what astronauts feel the night before a launch. Something you’ve dreamed of your entire life, something you’ve worked for years to make happen, and then one eve you know it’s probably happening the next day, and you feel this jumble of emotions but you’re trying to focus on the tasks at hand.

Yeah, that’s pretty much how I feel.

Sarah

[Northern Star Girl]

@sarahc
Dear Sarah:
Please know that you are not alone... many of us here on the Forums fully understand and appreciate what and how you are feeling the day before your surgery.

You will be in all of our thoughts....   
Only post updates as you feel comfortable doing so....

You are in my prayers and thoughts... and as always my best wishes go out to you as you take this very big step in your transition journey....   
HUGS, and more HUGS...   
Danielle

[Maddie]

You are amazing Sarah.

Bless you tomorrow and your next 90

Please do well.

[sarahc]

It’s done! And I’m bored....

At the end of the day, I didn’t feel much of a celebration feeling upon waking up. And I attribute that feeling to three things:

1} I can’t see anything down there. With the wound vac surrounding my pelvis, I really can’t see any of the changes. And I actually still kinda feel my penis down there even though I know it’s not there.

2) I know that dilation is coming, I really don’t view surgery as the milestone. I view getting through dilation as the milestone. It’s a lot like climbing Mount Everest: you can’t celebrate too much when you make it to the top because you still have to get down from a dangerous mountain. Same concept here.

3) My personal nature is not to celebrate accomplishments. I’m always looking to the next thing. And the next thing is dilation.

None of these feelings is a surprise, because I know who I am. When I talked to my therapist before leaving for my surgery, she mentioned that my focus on getting through dilation was unusual. Many trans women focus on the surgery, and my therapist said it was good to be focused on dilation because it is critical to a good outcome.

I agree, but I wish I could celebrate more. But that’s tough to do when you’re on mandatory bed rest alone in the hospital. But I’m not totally alone. I did get many messages of support via text and I called a few people as well. It was nice catching up with the people who have been with me during my whole journey.

On to day+1. More bed rest today I think, although I was told that I may be ask to walk over to chair today. I’ll try to celebrate!

Sarah

[KateR]

Sarah

Congratulations again!


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[Rakel]

And another congratulations from me. 

I felt the same way when I had my GCS. Now, on to live the rest of my life. 

[Jessica_Rose]

Congrats Sarah! There will be some rough days ahead, but they will be better than the decades of despair behind you. Hope you are feeling good today, the best is yet to come...

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Devlyn]

Hugs, Devlyn

[Megan.]

Congratulations! :-D

The 'penisy' feelings fade over time - at least they have for me.

Best wishes for a smooth and comfy recovery. X

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[Northern Star Girl]

@sarahc

Dear Sarah:
Congratulations on taking your very big step in your transition journey.   
I am so very happy to read that you are already thinking about your next step of dilation....
....but please and certainly take time for celebration of your determination and resolve to
continue in this important time in your journey.  It definitely is indeed a "Milestone" in your journey.

As with all of your readers and followers, I will be eagerly looking for you followup reports and sharing of your thoughts.

I hope that you were able to get up and walk to your chair this morning.... 
...part of healing is getting going and moving around .....
...very carefully per your doctors and nurses orders however.

***When do you think you will be released to go home?

Many HUGS and best wishes to you as you heal and get on with what your next tasks.
Danielle       

[sarahc]

Thanks, Danielle. I know this is big milestone..i.I’m just always look forward to the next thing.

I was able to walk to the chair today and I sat in the chair for a couple of hours. I may go back to the chair this evening.

I head back to my Airbnb in New York on Tuesday and then I am able to head back to Maryland on February 17th.

Sarah

@sarahc

Dear Sarah:
Congratulations on taking your very big step in your transition journey.   
I am so very happy to read that you are already thinking about your next step of dilation....
....but please and certainly take time for celebration of your determination and resolve to
continue in this important time in your journey.  It definitely is indeed a "Milestone" in your journey.

As with all of your readers and followers, I will be eagerly looking for you followup reports and sharing of your thoughts.

I hope that you were able to get up and walk to your chair this morning.... 
...part of healing is getting going and moving around .....
...very carefully per your doctors and nurses orders however.

***When do you think you will be released to go home?

Many HUGS and best wishes to you as you heal and get on with what your next tasks.
Danielle       

[Megan.]

I was able to walk to the chair today and I sat in the chair for a couple of hours. I may go back to the chair this evening.

That's really good! I could barely do 10-mins! Sounds like you're already making great progress. X

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[Northern Star Girl]

@sarahc
Dear Sarah:
How is "the" patient today? 
I trust that you are doing OK in spite of the discomfort and pain.

Is your task-master nurse making you walk to the chair again?

HUGS and quick healing....
Danielle

[sarahc]

Thanks for checking in Danielle!

All in all, I’m feeling pretty good this afternoon! I was feeling a bit nauseous and gassy this morning, but fortunately I got over that, and this afternoon I walked two laps around the hospital ward and had my first bowel movement since the surgery. Pain levels are low, and I’m switching back and forth between my bed and the reclining chair throughout the day. I have no problems with nurses telling me to go on walks - I like to do the walks! This is my last day in relative isolation, as my cousin visits me tomorrow. And both Monday and Tuesday will be busy days with a series of medical steps taking place. Hopefully, things stay positive over the next 48-72 hours.

Sarah

[Megan.]

Thanks for checking in Danielle!

All in all, I’m feeling pretty good this afternoon! I was feeling a bit nauseous and gassy this morning, but fortunately I got over that, and this afternoon I walked two laps around the hospital ward and had my first bowel movement since the surgery. Pain levels are low, and I’m switching back and forth between my bed and the reclining chair throughout the day. I have no problems with nurses telling me to go on walks - I like to do the walks! This is my last day in relative isolation, as my cousin visits me tomorrow. And both Monday and Tuesday will be busy days with a series of medical steps taking place. Hopefully, things stay positive over the next 48-72 hours.

Sarah

Yay for bowel movements, it's a good sign of a healthy recovery :-), and should help with any discomfort from gas.

It sounds like you're doing really well, keep it up! X

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[KateR]

Congrats again, and thank you for your honest posts.  I'm down to 265 days to go before Dr. RBL and Dr. Zhao do their magic on me.

Please continue to share as your comfortable.  It mostly helps so my lovely partner can understand what our recovery is like.


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