Author Topic: Dating while transitioning.  (Read 1188 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline RobinM.R.

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 78
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Dating while transitioning.
« on: January 29, 2021, 06:04:57 pm »
Im currently going through HRT. I'm taking this transition slowly but when I feel brave enough I hope to start dating as female. I'm 32 and I've never been on a date in my life neither have I been in a relationship. I don't know when ill start dating but I hope I can find someone who will support me in my transition. Can anyone offer any advice for dating while trans? Thank you.

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


Offline Rakel

  • Formerly known as Dani
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 4,122
  • Reputation: +59/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Rakel@susans.org
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2021, 06:55:22 pm »
Just be yourself and keep looking for someone who likes you as you are, be it pre or post transition.




_______________________________________________________________

Retired Pharmacist with over 40 years experience in Hospital and Retail Pharmacies.
I still keep my professional licence active and in good standing.


Online Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 36,397
  • Reputation: +59/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2021, 09:33:27 pm »
@RobinM.R.
As it was suggested by @Rakel in her reply comment  ... just be yourself and find people that accept you.

I would like to add that very early in your dating relationship, especially if you are passing reliably, you should "come out" with who you are and what your plans are for you life....  honesty is the only policy.   
By doing that you will right away be able to sift out the ones that are non-accepting before things get going too far romantically.

Best wishes to you!!!

HUGS,
Danielle


Im currently going through HRT. I'm taking this transition slowly but when I feel brave enough I hope to start dating as female. I'm 32 and I've never been on a date in my life neither have I been in a relationship. I don't know when ill start dating but I hope I can find someone who will support me in my transition. Can anyone offer any advice for dating while trans? Thank you.

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Megan.

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,820
  • Reputation: +20/-0
  • Gender: Female
    • Homepage & Blog
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2021, 02:04:15 am »
I was 32 when I had my first relationship -  pre-transition - that became a happy marriage with children, but sadly that ended when I came out.

I made myself the promise that if I ever found another person whom I had the same feelings for, I'd come straight out and say. I did, and now I'm very happily re-married :-).

So I'm two-for-two in picking spouses! Lol

Practically, meeting someone can happen anywhere. I was set up on a blind date by a work colleague for my first relationship, the second I met... here :-)

I've heard supermarkets can be good, you can tell alot about person from the contents of their trolley... Strike up a conversation and ask them out for a coffee.

Maybe join a social or interest group, find friendship, then see if stronger feelings develop. If they do, don't wait, let the other person know. Worst case they say no thank you, but at least you know where you are, and you haven't lost time apart.

I've not mentioned being Trans, because aside you being open and honest with someone about your situation, it shouldn't matter. If it matters to them, don't judge them for it, just move on.

Good luck! X

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk
"Life is a travelling to the edge of knowledge, then a leap taken." - D. H. Lawrence

Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 686
  • Reputation: +10/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2021, 02:11:30 pm »
Im currently going through HRT. I'm taking this transition slowly but when I feel brave enough I hope to start dating as female. I'm 32 and I've never been on a date in my life neither have I been in a relationship. I don't know when ill start dating but I hope I can find someone who will support me in my transition. Can anyone offer any advice for dating while trans? Thank you.

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk

I guess I'm speaking from the other side. Someone who is in a relationship with someone here. And I was here doing some questioning of my own which was answered when I met the "one"

I think its important to be up front relatively soon or if nothing else scope out if the person your interesting in dating is trans phobic because there are some people that could be crazy and violent because they just don't understand or are just jerks. I would also say that if you intend to get intimate preop give the other person time to wrap their head around it. Its maybe just something that they can rationalize after getting to know you and realize your not a "guy in a dress."  But others will think of that as phobic gay stuff be all freaked out and I think your better off passing on someone with that baggage.
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline Pammie

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,217
  • Reputation: +22/-0
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2021, 04:24:25 pm »
I met my Andy just 2 months after going full time. At that stage of my transition it would have been naive to even consider not being open about who I was and where I was in the process. I never even thought about not being open about everything. 3.5 years on and we’re still together and stronger than ever and his support has been critical in getting to where I now am.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline Megan.

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,820
  • Reputation: +20/-0
  • Gender: Female
    • Homepage & Blog
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2021, 04:00:22 pm »
I met my Andy just 2 months after going full time. At that stage of my transition it would have been naive to even consider not being open about who I was and where I was in the process. I never even thought about not being open about everything. 3.5 years on and we’re still together and stronger than ever and his support has been critical in getting to where I now am.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm curious, but only if you're happy to share, how did the two of you meet? X

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk

"Life is a travelling to the edge of knowledge, then a leap taken." - D. H. Lawrence

Offline Pammie

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,217
  • Reputation: +22/-0
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2021, 04:21:11 pm »
I'm curious, but only if you're happy to share, how did the two of you meet? X

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk
It’s a reasonable question hun. We met on a dating site, it’s fair to say that Andy was trans curious.
I think our relationship transitioned from that to a much more conventional one. I’d only signed up originally as a social experiment but we kind of just hit it off and fell in love. It was extraordinarily fortunate in so many ways. I was very clear up front how I identify.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline Megan.

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,820
  • Reputation: +20/-0
  • Gender: Female
    • Homepage & Blog
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2021, 04:27:36 pm »


It’s a reasonable question hun. We met on a dating site, it’s fair to say that Andy was trans curious.
I think our relationship transitioned from that to a much more conventional one. I’d only signed up originally as a social experiment but we kind of just hit it off and fell in love. It was extraordinarily fortunate in so many ways. I was very clear up front how I identify.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That's fab, very happy for you both. :-)

I had a profile up on a couple of sites for a while after I separated from my Ex, also as an experiment and learning experience. Then I started to crush on a certain forum admin haha. X

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk

"Life is a travelling to the edge of knowledge, then a leap taken." - D. H. Lawrence

Offline Pammie

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,217
  • Reputation: +22/-0
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2021, 04:53:25 pm »

That's fab, very happy for you both. :-)

I had a profile up on a couple of sites for a while after I separated from my Ex, also as an experiment and learning experience. Then I started to crush on a certain forum admin haha. X

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk
I think I actually believe in fate - for me and Andy and for you and “admin lady”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline CaelaNotKayla

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 1,519
  • Reputation: +7/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Everyone needs a little glam sometime!
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #10 on: February 06, 2021, 01:33:57 am »
I think I actually believe in fate - for me and Andy and for you and “admin lady”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I very much believe in fate too... life can put opportunities out there for you.  Just be yourself, be honest with an open heart- and don't be afraid to fall.  Life is too short to be afraid of what bad things might happen, be confident that something good will always be a possibility.

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline TSL_NB

  • *
  • Posts: 331
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #11 on: February 06, 2021, 02:19:51 am »
I'm just going to basically repeat some of the really good advice already given here...

Be you, and do you.  That person will either accept it or they won't, and you'll be better off, either way, if that makes sense.

But, I'd definitely say to be up front about your journey.  Being trans is an integral part of who we are, and whoever that person may be, they need to be okay with being a part of that journey.

And, like Caela said, don't be afraid to stumble.  Sometimes, when we fall, we look up and find that one who helps us back on our feet, and joins us for the rest of the journey. :)
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline Pammie

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,217
  • Reputation: +22/-0
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #12 on: February 06, 2021, 05:10:02 am »
I'm just going to basically repeat some of the really good advice already given here...

Be you, and do you.  That person will either accept it or they won't, and you'll be better off, either way, if that makes sense.

But, I'd definitely say to be up front about your journey.  Being trans is an integral part of who we are, and whoever that person may be, they need to be okay with being a part of that journey.

And, like Caela said, don't be afraid to stumble.  Sometimes, when we fall, we look up and find that one who helps us back on our feet, and joins us for the rest of the journey. :)
Totally agree with both you and Cae - honesty, being yourself and giving life a try all good things. We only have one life (I suspect) so let’s seize the day! (I never did Latin but I think it’s “carpe diem”)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline Rachel

  • Family
  • *****
  • *
  • Posts: 7,476
  • Reputation: +65/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2021, 06:50:57 pm »
Hi, I belonged to a social group and two woman there and another at a medical practice came on to me very heavy. I am straight. I love woman but as friends. So for some reason I give off I guess a lesbian vibe. I do not know.

Recently I am in another lifestyle. I was with two very broad shouldered tall muscular men. They were so nice and I most likely will see them this weekend, If I can get there. I would love to date either one. They are very my type.

Point, I was in a club that was sex positive and there were 300 active members. We would have three day shibari events, hook events and the like. We had common interests and were out there having fun and sharing openly. Lots of opportunity. Oh, the space was 100% clean and sober.

The recent lifestyle events I go to are very heterosexual and very male dominated. A lot of people find partners at the lifestyle events. It is an alternative lifestyle community I am in now because the other community is shut down due to covid. This present community is underground.  There is alcohol and pot but nothing else. It is actively "policed". I hope I see the guy there this weekend I was with last weekend. He was really all that and more to me.

I have friends that became partners through group and the LGBT center.

I was never confident enough to set a date from a dating sight. I had a lot of issues disclosing prior to the date so I just never replied to inquiries. I am off those sites. I am on three sites that are the lifestyle I am into. I go to parties and I have fun and hookup. The lifestyle is very sex positive and very open. You have to walk up to a guy and talk to him. Smile and flirt. Smile and look him in the eyes and tell him ha has strong muscular sexy arms. I bet he says something back. If he looks away or down or backups up I know he is not dominant and that is a turn off for me.

So there are lots of ways to find someone and for them to find you. The guy I was with last weekend, there was something there, more than sex. I think he felt it too. I missed the opportunity to give him my phone number. If he is there this weekend I will not make that mistake again. I will need to disclose I am trans at some point. That is a stumbling block for me. My body is fine, disclosure is the issue after I find a guy.

3 weeks ago I disclosed and the guy said oh no and walked away. I get it that he is a jerk and not for me. But it still takes a piece of my pride. Then I recover and say what the F and move on. I guess it gets easier in time.

Good luck in finding love,
Rachel

 

Point being if you are alternative lifestyle minded
MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas FemLar 10/13/2020
Dr. Thomas laser vocal procedure 2/17/2021

Offline RandiL

  • Formerly RandyL
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 1,749
  • Reputation: +12/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • On the way
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2021, 07:07:47 pm »
I saw an interesting comment today, there was discussion about disclosing that you're trans. The comment was, why doesn't the other person have to disclose that they're a transphobe? Why does it have to be on us? They are also responsible for their problem.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline ChrissyRyan

  • Have a gentle manner ❤️
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 31,444
  • Reputation: +36/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #15 on: March 07, 2021, 07:21:53 pm »
I saw an interesting comment today, there was discussion about disclosing that you're trans. The comment was, why doesn't the other person have to disclose that they're a transphobe? Why does it have to be on us? They are also responsible for their problem.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk


Randy,

The trouble is Randy that they may not think they have a problem.

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline RandiL

  • Formerly RandyL
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 1,749
  • Reputation: +12/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • On the way
Re: Dating while transitioning.
« Reply #16 on: March 07, 2021, 10:53:30 pm »

Randy,

The trouble is Randy that they may not think they have a problem.

Chrissy
Yeah I know Chrissy. But a girl can wish...

It's not realistic right now. Maybe someday we can hold these transphobes feet to the fire.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Tags: