Community Conversation > Non-Transitioning and Detransitioning

"Old FtM" still perceived as a woman

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Zarathoustra:
I'm always perceived as a lady on the phone (people never hesitate to genre me, they said systematically "hello Ma'am" or "hello Miss") but in reality, fortunately I pass at least 50% for a young teenager boy (i'm 32  :P) or young male adult and 50% for a butch woman.

I try to accept my situation but it's difficult with the society to be very ambiguous.

Emileeeee:
I don't know how much this will help, especially coming from an MtF, but what you describe sounds like my life right before I started HRT.

I never developed any male secondary sex characteristics. I had a buzz cut, visible ink, all guy clothes, combat boots, really working to be seen as a man, and I just looked like a butch woman. I even had other guys tell me I was in the wrong bathroom. I was over 40 at the time, by the way.

What I'm getting at is there are cis men that deal with this too just as there are cis women that deal with the anti-transwomen stuff. I know it's hard to not quite fit in a box, but you have to live for you, not for what society expects of you.

That being said, I would second mannerisms. You're probably giving tells that you don't even notice. I'd also second voice training. Even men that aren't monotone in speaking, are compared to women.

Maid Marion:
I was very lucky to have professional voice training as an adult and learned how to modulate my voice.
Now if I try to sound as my birth gender it sounds fake.

Marion

neonorigami:
If you're 50/50 I suppose it's a "is the glass half full or half empty?" situation. Could be better, could be worse. There are so many little things that make other people form an opinion on what gender you are but ultimately it's what you think about yourself that counts.

If you think medical transition has done all it can for you, you can either stop or continue depending on how you are liking it, and your health situation. As for socially detransitioning, I think it depends what you'd be most comfortable with. If you really hate being seen as a woman, you shouldn't feel like you have to present yourself as one. I think society is becoming more accepting of androgynous-looking people and people who are visibly trans, although it can feel like a slow process.

I find it helpful to think of it less in terms of "should I present as a man or a woman?" than "what things make me feel comfortable?" For example, if having a lower voice would help you feel better, you could try vocal coaching. You've already found that you feel more comfortable in men's sporty clothing, so that's a good step.


--- Quote from: Zarathoustra on April 03, 2021, 06:12:16 am ---I'm always perceived as a lady on the phone (people never hesitate to genre me, they said systematically "hello Ma'am" or "hello Miss") but in reality, fortunately I pass at least 50% for a young teenager boy (i'm 32  :P) or young male adult and 50% for a butch woman.

I try to accept my situation but it's difficult with the society to be very ambiguous.

--- End quote ---

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