Author Topic: Creating Ellen's new life  (Read 10142 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline EllenW

  • *
  • Posts: 323
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
Creating Ellen's new life
« on: February 07, 2021, 04:21:40 pm »
Since I had my GCS scheduled at the end of January, I knew that 2021 was going be a important year in my life. However, I did not expect it to be as significate as it has become. With the love of my life dying from mucosal melanoma on the the 5th of January, I am living alone for the first time in my life. I went from my parents house, to having roommates, to living with Diane. She is the only person I every slept with.

Diane was my rock and the center of my universe. We did every thing together. For years every time I took a business trip she would come with me. It was almost 20 years before I ever slept alone. Then, after years of struggle by both of us, she accepted me as transgender and helped with my transition.

As my therapist told me, I now have to create a new life as a single women. I am not sure how I am going to do this or if I even have the emotional strength to do so. I am starting this blog in the hope that
it will help me build my new life as a 67 year old widow. 

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Pammie

Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2021, 04:30:06 pm »
Since I had my GCS scheduled at the end of January, I knew that 2021 was going be a important year in my life. However, I did not expect it to be as significate as it has become. With the love of my life dying from mucosal melanoma on the the 5th of January, I am living alone for the first time in my life. I went from my parents house, to having roommates, to living with Diane. She is the only person I every slept with.

Diane was my rock and the center of my universe. We did every thing together. For years every time I took a business trip she would come with me. It was almost 20 years before I ever slept alone. Then, after years of struggle by both of us, she accepted me as transgender and helped with my transition.

As my therapist told me, I now have to create a new life as a single women. I am not sure how I am going to do this or if I even have the emotional strength to do so. I am starting this blog in the hope that
it will help me build my new life as a 67 year old widow. 

Ellen
My heart goes out to you Ellen. It must be hard but maybe you can take comfort from the fact that many trans people end up single as a result of transition and find the strength to use the pleasures of living as their true selves to fuel their lives. Obviously, in your case you are on your own through loss not through transition but at least you are living in your true gender. Wishing you strength and success in your journey. Hugs.
Pammie. X


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline RandiL

  • Formerly RandyL
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 2,216
  • Reputation: +17/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • On the way
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2021, 04:42:07 pm »
Ellen, I'm so sorry you lost Diane just as you were getting well and truly into your transition. You can celebrate what the two of you made together even as you miss it. It sounds like you had a special relationship.

Single women I know tend to hang out together, but this is harder with the pandemic. Book groups, movie nights, spiritual gatherings if you're into that, going for walks, etc. You can still do many of these things with some planning. Such as meetings outdoors in a park under a tree (bring your own chair).

One shortcoming I've noticed in myself is that most of my friendships were with other couples, or with friends of my wife. I was not proactive about fostering my own independent friendships, and this is now a problem for me. As we move from couples life to single life our friendships often need to change. This will take a lot of effort and going outside my comfort zone.

We are here for you as always. Hugs, Randy

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 40,766
  • Reputation: +88/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2021, 05:49:26 pm »
@EllenW
My dear Ellen:
Per your previous postings on other threads I am quite aware of your situation and your sadness dealing with the loss of your dear wife.

In addition to that, the added emotional pressure of transitioning and your recent surgery....

You have an amazing attitude for being able to apparently handle all of that as well as you are, but for sure, your therapist is a big help, and your IRL extended family, your friends and neighbors all can hopefully give you some of the support that you require.
 
In addition, you have friends and followers here on the Forums that are in your corner during the difficult times you are finding yourself in. 

Please feel most free to continue sharing as you feel comfortable doing... we are all rooting for your success and happiness.  We have ears to listen and our shoulders for you to lean on.... please know that you are always in our thoughts.


My Hugs and my prayers go out to you.  :icon_flower:
Danielle


Since I had my GCS scheduled at the end of January, I knew that 2021 was going be a important year in my life. However, I did not expect it to be as significate as it has become. With the love of my life dying from mucosal melanoma on the the 5th of January, I am living alone for the first time in my life. I went from my parents house, to having roommates, to living with Diane. She is the only person I every slept with.

Diane was my rock and the center of my universe. We did every thing together. For years every time I took a business trip she would come with me. It was almost 20 years before I ever slept alone. Then, after years of struggle by both of us, she accepted me as transgender and helped with my transition.

As my therapist told me, I now have to create a new life as a single women. I am not sure how I am going to do this or if I even have the emotional strength to do so. I am starting this blog in the hope that
it will help me build my new life as a 67 year old widow. 

Ellen
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline EllenW

  • *
  • Posts: 323
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2021, 06:11:55 pm »
One shortcoming I've noticed in myself is that most of my friendships were with other couples, or with friends of my wife. I was not proactive about fostering my own independent friendships, and this is now a problem for me. As we move from couples life to single life our friendships often need to change. This will take a lot of effort and going outside my comfort zone.

Randy,
I am in that same situation. All the friends that have been so supportive were so much closer to Diane. The person that has helped me the most was her BFF from collage and knew her longer than I knew Diane. I have spent more time with this friend in the last month than I have in the last 40 years.

I am an intervert so it will be very hard for me to get out of my comfort zone to find new friends

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 40,766
  • Reputation: +88/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2021, 11:27:54 pm »
@EllenW
Dear Ellen:

  Big, tight and warm HUGS for you  !!!!

           

As always, best wishes for you.
Danielle


***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline SoCal_Holly

  • *
  • Posts: 524
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Multi-Pass
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2021, 11:39:59 pm »
Ellen:

My condolences on your loss !

It’s especially hard to get out and socialize with the Covid restrictions. Hopefully that will change soon and by the time you have recovered from surgery.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs,

Holly

Online davina61

  • *
  • Posts: 7,477
  • Reputation: +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • The ramblings of an old dear
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2021, 04:45:12 am »
The only friends I had/have were from going drag racing , my local hot rod group and VW shows with my panel van(no more drag racing as the strip is now a housing development) . So had to move into a flat on my own, then due to having a bad back and going to see my BFF to get it sorted got taken to music nights. That gave me lots of new people to meet, okay apart from FB I have not seen them for a year but we will all get together soon fingers crossed  .
The point is when stuff gets back to normal you will find groups to join in with, maybe see if there are any hobby groups you can join on line local to you?
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline JudiBlueEyes

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,095
  • Reputation: +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2021, 07:41:07 pm »
The only friends I had/have were from going drag racing , my local hot rod group and VW shows with my panel van(no more drag racing as the strip is now a housing development).

Was that Santa Pod?  Too bad. 

I retired a year before I transitioned and I never kept in touch with my work pals as we no longer had anything in common.  I joined a couple local transgender support groups and met a number of awesome people.  I've also gotten back into making music and have met a group of people that I totally enjoy communicating with.  You can make new friends at an older age.

Ellen (hopefully) by now you have had your surgery and are healing well.  All my best to you.
Hugs, Judi
Wind blew in, cloud was dispersed
Rainbows appearing, the pressures were burst
Breezes a-singing, now feeling good
The moment had passed like I knew that it should

Offline Oldandcreaky

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,102
  • Reputation: +17/-0
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2021, 08:41:41 pm »
Oh, Ellen, I'm sad for you. It's an aged adage, but it's true: Be a friend if you want friends.

There are so many people who want to talk about themselves. I'm curious about people I meet and I always lead with questions and listening. When I lived with cities, I often returned home with a pocketful of business cards from strangers who wanted to meet me for coffee simply because I was curious and I posed questions and I listened. BONUS: Listening is easy for introverts!

Again, I'm sad for you.

Offline Toni1

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 121
  • Reputation: +3/-0
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2021, 11:17:03 pm »
Ellen,
I also send you my condolences. I am so sorry. Remember that on this board we virtually have your hand to help you through.
Hugs to you.
Toni

Offline EllenW

  • *
  • Posts: 323
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #11 on: February 09, 2021, 10:33:31 am »
@Toni1, @Oldandcreaky, @JudiBlueEyes, @davina61, @SoCal_Holly, and Northern Star Girl

Thank you all for your support. I know I need to go out and find activities that I enjoy doing. The issue I am having at this time is so many of these activities where made great my doing them with Diane. 

The one thing I have that is helping me keep going is the two miniature poodles that she cared so much for. One of my neighbors said I just need to take it one day at a time and take care of the puppies. I responded saying; I know and that if I did not, Diane would come back to haunt me if I didn't. He laughed and said that was a given.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 40,766
  • Reputation: +88/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #12 on: February 09, 2021, 01:59:33 pm »
@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
I was so very glad to read your last reply comments....

Please do what you have to do to continue living... It is obvious and most understandable that Diane's passing has left a big hole in your life and I am amazed that you are able to still "function" without the love of your life.   The good news is that you have many years of happy memories being with her.

****Take really good care of those miniature poodles !!!!  :) ;) :o ::)
Maybe if you feel comfortable doing and feel so inclined you could post a picture of them???

HUGS and more HUGS.... wishing you well as you continue on.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline EllenW

  • *
  • Posts: 323
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #13 on: February 09, 2021, 02:58:33 pm »
@Northern Star Girl

Danielle

Thank your for your kind comments. Here is a photos of the two babies in the Easter finest. I had just came back from a business trip where I picked up these outfits in the VanGoh museum in Amsterdam. The print is based on two of his more famous paintings.


Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline Sephirah

  • *
  • Posts: 5,703
  • Reputation: +336/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #14 on: February 09, 2021, 03:14:50 pm »
Sorry for poking my nose in, sweetie.

I just wanted to offer you a massive cyberhug. And for you to know that you do have the strength to do whatever you want to do. However much it may not seem like it sometimes. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Keep going, for both of you, okay? You'll see her again, eventually. For now... make a life for yourself that you can both be proud of. Hold that in your heart. People are never gone while we remember them.

I've read some of your posts here, sweetie. She would be proud of you. YOU should be proud of you. Keep going.

I believe in you.

Pammie

Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #15 on: February 09, 2021, 03:40:15 pm »
@Northern Star Girl

Danielle

Thank your for your kind comments. Here is a photos of the two babies in the Easter finest. I had just came back from a business trip where I picked up these outfits in the VanGoh museum in Amsterdam. The print is based on two of his more famous paintings.


Ellen
Awwwwww so cute! Xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline EllenW

  • *
  • Posts: 323
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #16 on: February 09, 2021, 09:03:50 pm »
Sorry for poking my nose in, sweetie.

I just wanted to offer you a massive cyberhug. And for you to know that you do have the strength to do whatever you want to do. However much it may not seem like it sometimes. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Keep going, for both of you, okay? You'll see her again, eventually. For now... make a life for yourself that you can both be proud of. Hold that in your heart. People are never gone while we remember them.

I've read some of your posts here, sweetie. She would be proud of you. YOU should be proud of you. Keep going.

I believe in you.

@Sephirah
You can comment on my blog anytime. I have read your posts in other threads. I find them insightful and always helpful.

I hope to make my new life as a widow that I can take pride in and I will always have her in my heart.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline EllenW

  • *
  • Posts: 323
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2021, 10:58:29 am »
One of my neighbors has been very supportive in helping me cope with the loss of Diane. She even volunteered to drive me to my follow up appointment last week. This was over an hour drive each way through downtown LA. I was so grateful that I told her I would take her out to a nice dinner as a thank you.

We did that last night. We had a wonderful time at the Market Broiler restaurant. She really enjoyed going out for the first time in a long time. And it felt good to be getting out of the house. It really lifted my mood. Here is a picture of use tasting to Diane.



Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline RandiL

  • Formerly RandyL
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 2,216
  • Reputation: +17/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • On the way
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2021, 11:28:16 am »
Ellen, I'm glad you could get out for dinner with your neighbor. Companionship and activities are such a great antidote to the loneliness you are feeling, as are we all to a lesser extent.
Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 40,766
  • Reputation: +88/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2021, 11:53:47 am »
@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
I was very encouraged to read your last posting and see the photo of you and your neighbor going out to dinner together.   Seeing you and your neighbor friend toasting your late wife together was very nice to see.

Continue getting out there and exploring your friendships.
HUGS, and more HUGS,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Tags: