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Creating Ellen's new life

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EllenW:
Since I had my GCS scheduled at the end of January, I knew that 2021 was going be a important year in my life. However, I did not expect it to be as significate as it has become. With the love of my life dying from mucosal melanoma on the the 5th of January, I am living alone for the first time in my life. I went from my parents house, to having roommates, to living with Diane. She is the only person I every slept with.

Diane was my rock and the center of my universe. We did every thing together. For years every time I took a business trip she would come with me. It was almost 20 years before I ever slept alone. Then, after years of struggle by both of us, she accepted me as transgender and helped with my transition.

As my therapist told me, I now have to create a new life as a single women. I am not sure how I am going to do this or if I even have the emotional strength to do so. I am starting this blog in the hope that
it will help me build my new life as a 67 year old widow. 

Ellen

Pammie:

--- Quote from: EllenW on February 07, 2021, 04:21:40 pm ---Since I had my GCS scheduled at the end of January, I knew that 2021 was going be a important year in my life. However, I did not expect it to be as significate as it has become. With the love of my life dying from mucosal melanoma on the the 5th of January, I am living alone for the first time in my life. I went from my parents house, to having roommates, to living with Diane. She is the only person I every slept with.

Diane was my rock and the center of my universe. We did every thing together. For years every time I took a business trip she would come with me. It was almost 20 years before I ever slept alone. Then, after years of struggle by both of us, she accepted me as transgender and helped with my transition.

As my therapist told me, I now have to create a new life as a single women. I am not sure how I am going to do this or if I even have the emotional strength to do so. I am starting this blog in the hope that
it will help me build my new life as a 67 year old widow. 

Ellen

--- End quote ---
My heart goes out to you Ellen. It must be hard but maybe you can take comfort from the fact that many trans people end up single as a result of transition and find the strength to use the pleasures of living as their true selves to fuel their lives. Obviously, in your case you are on your own through loss not through transition but at least you are living in your true gender. Wishing you strength and success in your journey. Hugs.
Pammie. X


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RandiL:
Ellen, I'm so sorry you lost Diane just as you were getting well and truly into your transition. You can celebrate what the two of you made together even as you miss it. It sounds like you had a special relationship.

Single women I know tend to hang out together, but this is harder with the pandemic. Book groups, movie nights, spiritual gatherings if you're into that, going for walks, etc. You can still do many of these things with some planning. Such as meetings outdoors in a park under a tree (bring your own chair).

One shortcoming I've noticed in myself is that most of my friendships were with other couples, or with friends of my wife. I was not proactive about fostering my own independent friendships, and this is now a problem for me. As we move from couples life to single life our friendships often need to change. This will take a lot of effort and going outside my comfort zone.

We are here for you as always. Hugs, Randy

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Northern Star Girl:
@EllenW
My dear Ellen:
Per your previous postings on other threads I am quite aware of your situation and your sadness dealing with the loss of your dear wife.

In addition to that, the added emotional pressure of transitioning and your recent surgery....

You have an amazing attitude for being able to apparently handle all of that as well as you are, but for sure, your therapist is a big help, and your IRL extended family, your friends and neighbors all can hopefully give you some of the support that you require.
 
In addition, you have friends and followers here on the Forums that are in your corner during the difficult times you are finding yourself in. 

Please feel most free to continue sharing as you feel comfortable doing... we are all rooting for your success and happiness.  We have ears to listen and our shoulders for you to lean on.... please know that you are always in our thoughts.

My Hugs and my prayers go out to you.  :icon_flower:
Danielle


--- Quote from: EllenW on February 07, 2021, 04:21:40 pm ---Since I had my GCS scheduled at the end of January, I knew that 2021 was going be a important year in my life. However, I did not expect it to be as significate as it has become. With the love of my life dying from mucosal melanoma on the the 5th of January, I am living alone for the first time in my life. I went from my parents house, to having roommates, to living with Diane. She is the only person I every slept with.

Diane was my rock and the center of my universe. We did every thing together. For years every time I took a business trip she would come with me. It was almost 20 years before I ever slept alone. Then, after years of struggle by both of us, she accepted me as transgender and helped with my transition.

As my therapist told me, I now have to create a new life as a single women. I am not sure how I am going to do this or if I even have the emotional strength to do so. I am starting this blog in the hope that
it will help me build my new life as a 67 year old widow. 

Ellen

--- End quote ---

EllenW:

--- Quote from: RandyL on February 07, 2021, 04:42:07 pm ---One shortcoming I've noticed in myself is that most of my friendships were with other couples, or with friends of my wife. I was not proactive about fostering my own independent friendships, and this is now a problem for me. As we move from couples life to single life our friendships often need to change. This will take a lot of effort and going outside my comfort zone.

--- End quote ---

Randy,
I am in that same situation. All the friends that have been so supportive were so much closer to Diane. The person that has helped me the most was her BFF from collage and knew her longer than I knew Diane. I have spent more time with this friend in the last month than I have in the last 40 years.

I am an intervert so it will be very hard for me to get out of my comfort zone to find new friends

Ellen

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