Author Topic: Creating Ellen's new life  (Read 10174 times)

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Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #160 on: October 24, 2021, 11:17:57 am »
@EllenW
YES … a new and better day
More HUGS,
Danielle
       

Thank you Danielle for your HUGS.

I just know today is going to be a better day. I just heard on of my favorite songs "Top of the World" by the Carpenters on the 70's music channel. And in a little while I am going to watch the F1 race in Austin, TX.

Again thank you for caring.

Ellen
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #161 on: November 01, 2021, 06:02:31 pm »
1 month and counting to retirement. :) The closer it gets the more excited I become about the next chapter in my life. I was talking to a neighbor over the weekend. She asked how I was doing. I told her that I am retiring on Dec 1st. I then did a little dance  :icon_dance:  when I said next year I am going to be a retired single lady looking for some fun and adventure. She then said I should do what he daughter did. Sign up for eHarmony as that is how her daughter met her husband.

Does anyone have any experience with the different dating apps.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #162 on: November 10, 2021, 10:24:37 pm »
I have been upbeat about the coming year since we scatted Diane's ashes, went on my cruise to Alaska and decided to retire. However, recently I have been having moments of sadness and crying. In talking to my therapist about this we discussed the fact that I am coming up to some "first" dates after Diane's death.  The month of December was an important month for us. We were both born in December and Christmas was very important to Diane. Then January 5th is the first anniversary of Diane's death. My therapist talked about making sure I make plains to keep active during this time starting with Thanksgiving. So, she was happy to hear that my niece invited me to spend Christmas with her family in Chayane, WY.

We also talked about how I always took stock of my life during this time of year and how it often makes me depressed. She then reminded me what I have gone through this year. Diane's death, working on clearing out Diane's items, my GCS and my upcoming BA. She stressed that I have accomplished a lot these past ten months. I heard what she said but I am just not feeling it.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #163 on: November 10, 2021, 10:35:57 pm »
@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
Your therapist is very correct... as the important dates come closer... December -Christmas and in the New Year January 5th - do indeed keep busy, stay active, and spend time with people, your friends, etc.   Find hobbies and activities that keeps your mind active.   Cherish and spend time with your present friends and cultivate new friends. 

I will be praying for you that you will find closure and peace.
Stay healthy and stay safe.   Stay busy physically and mentally.
HUGS galore !!!!   
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #164 on: November 21, 2021, 01:21:53 pm »
My projects at work are winding down as it gets closer to my retirement on Dec. 1st. My BA went very well and when I see my body in the mirror when taking a shower, I could not be happy with my body. Yet, as the holiday's approach I have time of extreme sadness. Where I just cannot stop crying. Every time I think about the holiday's I realize how alone I am without Diane. I have never spent Thanksgiving alone. Before meeting Diane, I always spent it at my parents' house.  Then we either spent it with her family or mine. Then after our parents died, we spent it together.

For Christmas, I will be driving from Southern California to Wyoming to spend the holiday with my niece and her family. It is going to me a long drive with just the dogs. It is the first time I have seen her since her wedding 11 years ago. I feel that I am going to be an outsider intruding on their holiday. But that has got to be better than spending Diane's birthday (the 21st) and Christmas alone.

Then after Christmas, on January 5th it will be the first anniversary of Diane's death. I really do not know how I am going to get through the next couple of months.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline RandiL

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #165 on: November 21, 2021, 04:36:02 pm »
Ellen, congratulations on your upcoming retirement. And I'm glad your BA went well.

I don't know how to comfort you in these difficult times other than to say that I and many others are on your side and want all the best for you.

If you're in Cheyenne, WY, it's a short drive south on I-25 to visit quite a few of us in Colorado. I'd love to host you for a few days and we could certainly arrange visits with others. Another way to pass some of that difficult December and January time.

My smartphone thinks it's smarter than me. It's probably right.

Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #166 on: November 21, 2021, 07:49:09 pm »
@RandiL

Randi,

Thank you for the offer for me to stop by. My niece is in Cheyenne and I will be spending Christmas there.  But I am not sure when I am heading up there or heading back home. I will PM you when I have more defined travel plans.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #167 on: December 01, 2021, 06:38:13 pm »
I am now officially retired  :icon_joy: :eusa_dance: :icon_dance:

For years I have done volunteer work for the Marconi Foundation for Kids, where we raise funds to help kids at risk. The founder has always said that his life motto was that you Learn, Earn and then Return. I plan to move to that final step of Returning to society. I have already started reaching out to some contacts about where I can volunteer. Two suggestions were Convenient House and Childrens Hospital of Orange County. I also want to help a couple of animal rescue groups.

I am looking forward to helping kids and animals. Two of god's creature that cannot help themselves.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #168 on: December 01, 2021, 06:46:07 pm »
@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
It is a wonderfully rewarding feeling to be able to "give back" and to volunteer.  There are so many ways to do that and I am glad you are finding your nitches.

I am not retired and far from it but I make time to participate in charity runs and charity walks.  Also in some of my gals-groups we bake cookies and candy and go around to the local shut-ins to sing some Christmas Carols and then we give them a treats plates with cookies, breads and candies.   I am also involved in civic events and meetings in my town.

Thank you for posting and sharing, it is nice to see that in these dire times regarding finances, health, and broken homes and relationships that there are those that will take the time and money to try to make lives better and happier for others.

Hats off to you!!!!

Thank you for sharing and posting.
HUGS,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #169 on: December 04, 2021, 11:58:14 am »
Congratulations on your retirement Ellen.  This is where your life gets even busier if my retired friends are to be believed!! haha
Giving back and volunteering is all good stuff but remember to take a little for you too... you deserve it.
I send you the best of good wishes in your retirement being amazing. xx

Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #170 on: December 05, 2021, 12:02:03 pm »
Congratulations on your retirement Ellen.  This is where your life gets even busier if my retired friends are to be believed!! haha
Giving back and volunteering is all good stuff but remember to take a little for you too... you deserve it.
I send you the best of good wishes in your retirement being amazing. xx

Thank you, Sarah. I have heard the same from others. I do hope it is busy, by doing things I want to do and enjoy instead of doing what I have to do for work.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #171 on: December 08, 2021, 06:04:04 pm »
@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
So it seems... time marches on:
...December 1st has already come and gone, and you are now RETIRED !!!!
I trust and hope that you will find rewarding things to keep your body and mind active and busy.

.... I have always said...  "Busy People are Happy People"

The other reason that I am posting on your Blog Thread is to let all of your readers and followers
know that your "Special Day" is tomorrow on December 9th.
====================================================

I am wishing YOU
....a very :icon_flower: :icon_flower: Happy Birthday :icon_flower: :icon_flower:
I hope that your special day includes time with family and friends...
... with  Candles and CAKE.


***Be certain to check your profile on your birthday December 9th for a special birthday surprise! :)

HUGS and best wishes on your special day and birthday.
Danielle
   
                     
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline davina61

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #172 on: December 09, 2021, 03:42:00 am »
Happy birthday dear ,hugs and XXXXs
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #173 on: December 09, 2021, 07:39:56 pm »
@davina61 and @Northern Star Girl

Thank you both for the birthday wishes. I really apricate it. I feel that the day was a lot like the weather here in sunny Southern California, cloudy, drizzly and cold 60F (at least cold for a California beach girl). Some of my plans fell through at the last moment. So, I spent most of the day my myself binge watching Netflix. I did get my time with my hair stylist. Since it had been four months, we spent the time catching up. She was so amazed to hear about everything I did in those last four months. My cruise, deciding to retire, and getting a BA. She is very happy about how much I accomplished not only in the last few months but in this year after Diane's death 11 months ago.

I did get two other birthday messages. One, via email was from an old work collage that only knows me as <deadname>. The other was from a very old school friend. He knows about my transition and my new name, but has yet to word any text messages that would require using my name or a pronoun. So, I am not sure what how he feels about my transition. At least he is keeping the lines of communication going. It will be interesting to see how he addresses the Christmas card.

Now back to Netflix.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #174 on: December 20, 2021, 09:06:09 am »
It has been a while since I posted. Last Friday I started my trip to my nieces house in Cheyenne Wyoming. I decided to take three days so I would be relaxing drive by myself with my two little doggies. The trip was uneventful except for Sunday morning when it was a freezing 4° outside.

After I arrived in Cheyenne in the afternoon I went over and visited my niece and her family. It was a very enjoyable afternoon seeing her for the first time since I’ve transitioned and meeting her two young daughters for the very first time. My niece and I had a nice conversation concerning my transition. She said her young daughters don’t need to know at this time. And she explained to them that the relationship I had with Diane is the same type of relationship that the two women down the street have. I really appreciate the support of my niece has been greeting me and treating me as the woman I’ve always been.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #175 on: December 21, 2021, 12:06:02 pm »
Today the love my life Diane would have been 69. I miss her so much. I hope I can make it through the day without breaking down,

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #176 on: December 21, 2021, 12:17:39 pm »
Today the love my life Diane would have been 69. I miss her so much. I hope I can make it through the day without breaking down,

Ellen
@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
My heart goes out to you.... time can help to heal wounds, and as time goes by I trust that you can
fill your mind with all the good memories and happy times that you had with Diane.... 

Have a good day today and think of all the good things that have happened in your life
regarding your transition.
HUGS,
Danielle

***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Online Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #177 on: December 21, 2021, 12:17:58 pm »
It has been a while since I posted. Last Friday I started my trip to my nieces house in Cheyenne Wyoming. I decided to take three days so I would be relaxing drive by myself with my two little doggies. The trip was uneventful except for Sunday morning when it was a freezing 4° outside.

After I arrived in Cheyenne in the afternoon I went over and visited my niece and her family. It was a very enjoyable afternoon seeing her for the first time since I’ve transitioned and meeting her two young daughters for the very first time. My niece and I had a nice conversation concerning my transition. She said her young daughters don’t need to know at this time. And she explained to them that the relationship I had with Diane is the same type of relationship that the two women down the street have. I really appreciate the support of my niece has been greeting me and treating me as the woman I’ve always been.

Ellen
@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
Hmmm, yes 4deg(f) is certainly cold but it probably quite normal for Southern Wyoming in the winter time....
...but certainly when you come from a warmer climate it can be a shock to your system.

I love taking multi-day driving trips.  I enjoy viewing and going through the many small towns, lots of interesting sights and some unique shopping, and of course I love going to the local small coffee shops and restaurants as I can make frequent stops for gas, food, and restroom needs.

My heart was warmed by the reception that you reported that you received from your niece!!! 
Great news and and affirmation to you.

Thank you for sharing,

HUGS and warm wishes.    Have a joyous and MERRY CHRISTMAS
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #178 on: December 22, 2021, 02:04:31 pm »
@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
My heart goes out to you.... time can help to heal wounds, and as time goes by I trust that you can
fill your mind with all the good memories and happy times that you had with Diane.... 

Have a good day today and think of all the good things that have happened in your life
regarding your transition.
HUGS,
Danielle


Thank you, Danielle. I had a good day thanks to my niece. She took me, her two you daughters and her mother to see some of the historical sights in Cheyenne. After dinner at one of Diane’s favorite restaurants we drove around viewing all the wonderful Christmas lights and decorations. Something that Diane would have loved.

I’m so thankful for my niece.

Ellen

Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

Offline EllenW

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Re: Creating Ellen's new life
« Reply #179 on: January 05, 2022, 07:30:44 pm »
Today was the 1-year anniversary of Diane's death.

Her BFF from collage came over to take me to lunch. We then went to beach front walkway in Huntington Beach where she grew up. It was a beautiful day with little cloud cover. The temperature was in the mid-60's. We walked and talked unitil we reached the area where I scatted her ashes in the Pacific Ocean last August.  I sat on the bench watching the surf and prayed and cried for the love of my life. I miss her so much.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021
BA - November 2021
Blog - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,255685.msg2442139.html#msg2442139

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