Community Conversation > Male to female transsexual talk (MTF)

What are the things that are holding you back in going full-time mtf transition?

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ChrissyRyan:
What are the things that are holding you back in going full-time with your mtf transition?


Is it existing relationships and how they might change?
Is it perhaps others do not want you to complete your transition and that is a very tough complication for you?
Is it your job and career?
Is it a fear of a hard detransition, should that for some reason become wise to do?
Is it financial...  hard to see spending lots of money on surgeries, electrolysis?
Is it that you think you are too young or too old?
Is it a fear of being attacked and harmed?
Is it your belief that you will never completely pass?
Is it your voice?
Is it a health related reason?
Is it a fear of being lonely or unloved?
Is it a lack of understanding your sexuality (not gender) and how that could possibly change?
Is it that you are not settled with your gender, perhaps it is fluid?
Is it that this is such a big step, you are scared of moving forward because of many future unknowns?
Is it that you know you are not committed yet to full-time status?  Why is that?

Or... ?

Now, others may share why you did go full-time and have or will complete your transition.  Maybe that will encourage others.   :)


Chrissy

RandiL:
Thank you for asking these questions Chrissy. You are such a goldmine of provocative posts that get great conversations started.

I copied below the questions that I'm going to answer.


--- Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 07, 2021, 07:09:11 pm ---Is it your belief that you will never completely pass?
Is it your voice?
Is it that you are not settled with your gender, perhaps it is fluid?

Or... ?

--- End quote ---

Not passing is a minor irritant, but it contributes to my not seeing myself completely as female. Perhaps my gender is fluid also, but so far I'm doing everything I can to go in the female direction.

Voice is a definite obstacle, but I'm now in voice classes and hope to have something decent within 6 months.

Changing my pronouns and the spelling of my name will be a big step, but I'm not yet ready, in part because I don't know whether I'll be they/them or she/her.

Thanks for these great questions.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Rachel Montgomery:
Things holding me back from transitioning:

**Is it existing relationships and how they might change?
Yes, my wife would divorce me.  My step kids would probably try to forget I am alive (but, honestly they are the most likely to find a way to get over it).  My sisters wouldn’t speak to me.  My parents would try to destroy me.  I don’t have any friends I am worried about losing, mainly because I don’t have any close friends.

**Is it perhaps others do not want you to complete your transition and that is a very tough complication for you? I guess that goes into answer number 1.

Is it your job and career?  Yes, that would be over.  I wouldn’t be able to practice law in Alabama (no clients).  I could go to Georgia, but I would be starting from scratch at nearly 60 years old, and that would be hard as a transwoman.  I probably wouldn’t make any money.

**Is it a fear of a hard detransition, should that for some reason become wise to do?
I am sure it would be a one way trip for me.  Death would be the out.  Detransitioning wouldn’t repair what transitioning destroyed.
Is it financial...  hard to see spending lots of money on surgeries, electrolysis?  The fear I wouldn’t be able to afford food and medicine, much less housing and clothes.

**Is it that you think you are too young or too old?
Old enough that there aren’t that many years to build a new life, but if that were the only concern I’d start tomorrow.
**Is it a fear of being attacked and harmed?  Not really, though I would have to move.
**Is it your belief that you will never completely pass?   That is a concern.
**Is it your voice?  That is a problem area.
**Is it a health related reason? Not immediately.  But, my mother has dementia, and it is hereditary.  So, I do worry about the nightmare I had when I was young being played out.  The nightmare was that I would dream I was in class, and suddenly become aware that I was wearing a bra.  Hoping no one else would notice, I would then realize I was wearing ballet flats, and women’s jeans, and a girls top.  It was (I think) a dream about being caught dressed as a girl.  But, what if I transition and then get dementia, and I am constantly shocked to find myself dressed as a woman, with breasts and all, afraid someone will notice, forgetting that I transitioned?
**Is it a fear of being lonely or unloved? That is a serious concern.
**Is it a lack of understanding your sexuality (not gender) and how that could possibly change? No.  I acknowledge that it might, but ...no.  That wouldn’t slow me down.
**Is it that you are not settled with your gender, perhaps it is fluid? No.
**Is it that this is such a big step, you are scared of moving forward because of many future unknowns?   No.  But, not being able to get estrogen would be awful.
Is it that you know you are not committed yet to full-time status? [/color] No.

Northern Star Girl:
@ChrissyRyan  @RandyL  @Rachel Montgomery

Dear Chrissy, Randy and Rachel:

This is a great posting and serves as a terrific check-list as members
consider their options and personal situations as they continue on in their journeys.

Thank you all for sharing and posting.
HUGS,
Danielle

SoCal_Holly:
The order changes depending on day....lol

Not passing / not completing
Voice / learning natural femininity / unlearning male behavior patterns
Commitment / scared / confidence
Too old / time required for everything
Weight / body image

I’m getting more dsyphoric as I write this list... 😢

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