Author Topic: What are the things that are holding you back in going full-time mtf transition?  (Read 2295 times)

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Offline RandiL

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I posted way up above back in February. Just since then I have changed.

Now I feel binary female and am adjusting to she/her pronouns. My name is now Randi. I will come out at work in August. I no longer contemplate stopping or pausing. I'm moving forward as fast as I can, given the timeframes for HRT, electrolysis and voice training.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline ChrissyRyan

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I think about this a lot from time to time.  I should try again to be full-time for a week or two this summer and see if I am accepted more.

If I succeed, that will boost my confidence.  If I do not, perhaps I will try again. 

Hugs,

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Oh, Randi and ChrissyRyan, I do want the world to see you as the women you are.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Oh, Randi and ChrissyRyan, I do want the world to see you as the women you are.

@Oldandcreaky

Thank you.

Christine
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline ChrissyRyan

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I guess the “South Pole electrolysis” is a big mind numbing experience I am not ready for and this is inhibiting.
I suppose that does not have to be done per se for full time.  The whole non-op living notion seems like it would eventually be unsatisfactory.  Good I guess if it works for some. 

Why did I not simply have the right body to begin with? 

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Battle Goddess

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What are the things that are holding you back in going full-time with your mtf transition?


Is it existing relationships and how they might change?
Is it perhaps others do not want you to complete your transition and that is a very tough complication for you?
Is it your job and career?
Is it a fear of a hard detransition, should that for some reason become wise to do?
Is it financial...  hard to see spending lots of money on surgeries, electrolysis?
Is it that you think you are too young or too old?
Is it a fear of being attacked and harmed?
Is it your belief that you will never completely pass?
Is it your voice?
Is it a health related reason?
Is it a fear of being lonely or unloved?
Is it a lack of understanding your sexuality (not gender) and how that could possibly change?
Is it that you are not settled with your gender, perhaps it is fluid?
Is it that this is such a big step, you are scared of moving forward because of many future unknowns?
Is it that you know you are not committed yet to full-time status?  Why is that?

Or... ?

Now, others may share why you did go full-time and have or will complete your transition.  Maybe that will encourage others.   :)


Chrissy


Is it existing relationships and how they might change? Is it perhaps others do not want you to complete your transition and that is a very tough complication for you?


I held back for a long time to keep giving DW chances to come around and finally start accepting me. She resolutely and with great hostility continues to reject the possibility. Finally gave up waiting. I was at a point where I had to choose between transitioning or dying and figured I'd try transitioning first.


Is it your job and career?

I'm fortunate to work in a field where performance far outweighs appearance.


Is it a fear of a hard detransition, should that for some reason become wise to do?

Took me years to figure out who I am. Ain't going back.


Is it financial...  hard to see spending lots of money on surgeries, electrolysis?

I'll have to burn those bridges when I cross them.


Is it that you think you are too young or too old?

Time's a-wasting either way.


Is it a fear of being attacked and harmed?

I can hold my own.


Is it your belief that you will never completely pass?

I don't expect to completely pass, but I'll take my victories where I can.


Is it your voice?

I'm getting results with voice training far better than I ever expected and encourage everyone to give it a shot


Is it a health related reason?

I'm healthy. Fat, but healthy.


Is it a fear of being lonely or unloved?

Already there.


Is it a lack of understanding your sexuality (not gender) and how that could possibly change?

No, I think I have a pretty good handle on that one. If anything new comes up, I'll be curious to see what happens.


Is it that you are not settled with your gender, perhaps it is fluid?

Nah, I got that locked and loaded.


Is it that this is such a big step, you are scared of moving forward because of many future unknowns?

There are always discoveries to be made, and the Goddess is by my side.


Is it that you know you are not committed yet to full-time status?  Why is that?

Couldn't wait to go full-time. Just needed a kick in the butt to do it.



Why did I not simply have the right body to begin with? 

Chrissy

You and me both, sister.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess

"When going through hell, best keep moving." -- Old & Creaky

“Darling,” She said, “it doesn’t matter. You have only one choice. You can walk farther along the path or not. It’s a narrow path. You may be scared about lifting your foot up to take your next step. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to step very far. It’s up to you.
"But all you get to do is choose. Your anxieties, your fears, your courage, your happiness, your rage: go ahead and feel them all you want. They don’t matter. What matters is what you choose.
“I can promise you a long and fascinating road. I’ll give you tools along the way. I’ll be with you every step.
“Now make your choice.” --  my beloved Battle Goddess

Offline Em2

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This is an interesting one Chrissy,

What are the things that are holding you back in going full-time with your mtf transition?

Is it existing relationships and how they might change?

Very much so, my wife is supportive of me and my happiness but still sees me as a man and anything that contradicts that perception she finds very painful.

Is it perhaps others do not want you to complete your transition and that is a very tough complication for you?

Most of the people in my life see me as male and I haven't discussed this yet with them.

Is it your job and career?

Yes, I am at a stage in my career where it is nearly finished and while my company would be supportive it seems like a massive effort for a couple of years left of work.

Is it a fear of a hard detransition, should that for some reason become wise to do?

No, not something I have really thought about.

Is it financial...  hard to see spending lots of money on surgeries, electrolysis?

There is an element to this but I am sure I could find a way.

Is it that you think you are too young or too old?

I wish I have know what they signs meant when I was younger and then I could have done something about it. and there is an element of I have come this far presenting as I am, how hard can it be to keep going?

Is it a fear of being attacked and harmed?

A little bit. I was one of those kids that had to work at avoiding being bullied at school but hopefully attitudes are a bit more positive than they were 40 years ago.

Is it your belief that you will never completely pass?

Yes, but having spent time out and about presenting as a women it becomes less important as you realise most people don't really look past a superficial glance.

Is it your voice?

Yes, dead give away

Is it a health related reason?

No, I am 5'9'' 155lbs with no health issues

Is it a fear of being lonely or unloved?

Yes, I think my wife would leave

Is it a lack of understanding your sexuality (not gender) and how that could possibly change?

I would have to take that as it comes

Is it that you are not settled with your gender, perhaps it is fluid?

It can be but I am definitely at the trans feminine end of the spectrum

Is it that this is such a big step, you are scared of moving forward because of many future unknowns?

Yes, fear of the unknown is a big one. And the fear of losing everything I have now, Wife, children, other family, friends, job, house etc... When you have worked for 50+ years to get where you are, the sacrifices for transition seem overwhelming

Is it that you know you are not committed yet to full-time status?  Why is that?

I am not committed to full time as I have a wife and family who need me to be the man they married and the father to bring them up and guide them.

Or... ?


Why did I not simply have the right body to begin with? 

Chrissy

That sums up my wishes for this life...

Em

xx

Offline Danni98

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Is it existing relationships and how they might change?

Well that was strange for me because I have a poly relationship with two women. One knew and was supportive, one didn't and when I told her she said it was transitioning or her, so I stopped for awhile. I got really bad anxiety and deep depression and told her it was let me be me or let me go my own way. She eventually opened up to it and became supportive also.

Is it financial...  hard to see spending lots of money on surgeries, electrolysis?

That was a worry. I didn't think I would ever be able to afford ffs but I did. As long as you are frugal, and willing to watch a few youtube videos there are always ways to make money.

Is it that you think you are too young or too old?

I figured I was too old at about 40 and it was too late to ever be passable but the constant flirting and getting hit on tells me I was dead wrong.

Is it a fear of being attacked and harmed?

Not anymore. Sorry I don't care what your political affiliation, we are among the most hated people on the planet, please my trans brothers and sisters concealed carry permits, they may save your life one day.

Is it your voice?

That was a huge fear, when I went out I would let the person I was with do the talking for me if I could. But the more I went out and had to speak for myself and still got mam'd the fear went away. I just used my I'm on the phone with someone really important voice instead of my hillbilly you kids are in trouble voice.

Is it a health related reason?

Yes. I had decided to go full time, then about 4 months in I partially tore my rotator cuff. So until that is taken care of I can't do my makeup, I can't get properly dressed, I cant even put on my bra. And I've gained a bit of weight from the depression that came with it. Funny thing is I'm still getting mam'd not even trying, in men's t-shirt's and sweat pant.

Is it a fear of being lonely or unloved?

Nope, I get hit on a lot, if I ever decide to switch to guys I got my pick. Already got girlfriends, and tbh I kinda like being alone, I like my freedom to do what I want, when I want.

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