Author Topic: Vanity and The Journey  (Read 530 times)

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Offline WildThing

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Vanity and The Journey
« on: February 13, 2021, 12:04:39 am »
A'ight y'all, I've had a couple thoughts lately.

I used to be so focused on "being pretty," when my egg first cracked. "Pretty" meant thin, soft face, bangin' hips, decent buttocks, etc. And that threw me into a whole "Press X to Doubt" phase most of us have had 1000x over. At the end of each doubt phase, however, I ask myself, ever so candidly,  "In the end, would I rather be a fat <not allowed>, or a fat <not allowed> ?" If I never lost weight, god forbid, and my fat just redistributed to the right places over time, would I be happy being a fat *woman?* And the answer's always been "Yes."

Thing is, you could technically say I'm nonbinary. I never think of myself as "he" or "she," I am simply "me," and this fat, ugly shell doesn't reflect "me," at all. "If I lost the 150 lbs I want to, would I be happy?" Happi-er, sure, but then I'd still be blocky as <poo>, and that never "felt" right to me. I want those feminine curves most women desire. "Okay but what if I don't get those perfect curves?" That's cool too, I guess. Disappointing, sure, but at least I'd be closer to my ideal shell than I am now. My family is that of giants, so being 6 foot tall doesn't really bother me that much. My female cousin (who just got engaged yesterday so yay!) Is about an inch taller than me, and her mom is an inch shorter. So once I transition, I'm bettin' on bein' an Amazon more than anything.

My second thought is, despite going on 30 currently, there's absolutely zero reason to rush on anything. The destination is unclear anyway, but you know the general direction you *want* to go. Where you end up in the end matters little, for it is the journey, the exploration of self that is most important. I'm sure those of you who've been on your journeys for years already know this, but I needed to type it out on my own. Maybe seek external validation from experienced people that I'm on the right track.
Sammi T.

Offline davina61

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2021, 03:31:53 am »
Like you I still am me 3 years into full time and HRT, defo fat <not allowed> now but want (and need) to lose 40 plus LB . I say just be yourself (I will never be the slim beauty my brain says I should have been) and work on stuff slowly and things will happen.
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Offline SarahEL

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2021, 07:38:04 am »
My thoughts have been... I am a female.  and that is sort of it.
So I do get all those fears about not looking right, not acting as I should and being a disappointment to those around me. There are a few things I can do to change how I look and act... but really, I am just me and there should be a degree of acceptance from those closest to me. 
Being what is expected can be the most toxic thing in the world if that is not who you are.

Accepting yourself is the hardest thing to do. The old adage, 'you cannot love someone until you love yourself' is actually, in my experience, a truism.
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2021, 08:04:57 am »
My thoughts have been... I am a female.  and that is sort of it.
So I do get all those fears about not looking right, not acting as I should and being a disappointment to those around me. There are a few things I can do to change how I look and act... but really, I am just me and there should be a degree of acceptance from those closest to me. 
Being what is expected can be the most toxic thing in the world if that is not who you are.

Accepting yourself is the hardest thing to do. The old adage, 'you cannot love someone until you love yourself' is actually, in my experience, a truism.

Yes, you have to accept and be at peace with who you really are.

Have a wonderful day.,

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline RandyL

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2021, 12:30:31 pm »
I don't know if I'm just particularly receptive to these thoughts at the moment or if there really is more activity around this and similar questions now. There are a number of active threads going on right now at Susan's like this.

For me as well I have a lot of uncertainty about my destination. All I know is that I have left behind my starting point and I'm on the journey. I'm happier now than I was 6 months ago, and I hope to gain happiness as I go.

The doubts often crop up, but so does the certainty that this is the right road for me. Carry on and be well!
Hugs, Randy

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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2021, 12:36:30 pm »
I don't know if I'm just particularly receptive to these thoughts at the moment or if there really is more activity around this and similar questions now. There are a number of active threads going on right now at Susan's like this.

For me as well I have a lot of uncertainty about my destination. All I know is that I have left behind my starting point and I'm on the journey. I'm happier now than I was 6 months ago, and I hope to gain happiness as I go.

The doubts often crop up, but so does the certainty that this is the right road for me. Carry on and be well!
Hugs, Randy

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@RandyL


I think about all of us think about our destination as we move onward in our journeys.
We wonder, we question, we may doubt, we may end up more determined, we may take our foot off the gas pedal for awhile, we make take a different route, we may wonder what we are doing.

That is okay.  We are okay.  You are okay. 

Hugs,

Chrissy


Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2021, 12:50:44 pm »
I'm sure those of you who've been on your journeys for years already know this, but I needed to type it out on my own.

This is the most important sentence in your whole post. Anyone and everyone can (and most definitely will) tell you who, and how you should be. But you are the one who has to live with yourself 24/7. And in those times away from trying to impress, and impress upon the world who you are... you have to be happy with that person. Otherwise there's really no point. You replace one illusion for another.

No one ever finishes looking like the person they see in their mind's eye. No one. Be they trans or cis. It's a lifelong process that only ever stops when you take your last breath. Because we can envision a form outside of time. Outside of the realities of the world. It's like reading a book vs watching a movie. The imagination and subconscious is the ultimate director and producer. Not constrained by the world we live in.

The tipping point comes where you can reflect upon yourself and say "I'm not perfect, but I'm me." When you can accept that, that's when you know you're on the right track. And by the sounds of it, you're well on your way to being there.

Keep going. <3

Offline JoJoWolfe

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2021, 02:54:26 pm »
Well at 63 I’m trying to make up for lost time. I quite clearly will never ever be a pretty young thing so instead I and concentrating on being me. A woman who is growing in confidence in herself but determined to be classy, well dressed and groomed but then I do want a great cleavage  :D

I’m having fun, evolving and hope that until I draw my last breath I will still have the wits to be the best I can in character as well  as in looks.

Offline Danielle93

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2021, 06:32:45 am »
Vanity is lovely.
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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #9 on: April 02, 2021, 07:49:47 am »
Time is relentless and cruel to humans. Time, however, in the span of our lives, is kind to trees and flowers, as they grow in number and size and beauty. So, I focus on my gardens, as do many old women, which rise and rise as I fade and fade.

Offline Pammie

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #10 on: April 02, 2021, 08:08:22 am »
Well at 63 I’m trying to make up for lost time. I quite clearly will never ever be a pretty young thing so instead I and concentrating on being me. A woman who is growing in confidence in herself but determined to be classy, well dressed and groomed but then I do want a great cleavage  :D

I’m having fun, evolving and hope that until I draw my last breath I will still have the wits to be the best I can in character as well  as in looks.
You know, I could have written exactly that!
With you all the way sister! Though im 6’2”


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Offline Pammie

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #11 on: April 02, 2021, 08:13:51 am »
Time is relentless and cruel to humans. Time, however, in the span of our lives, is kind to trees and flowers, as they grow in number and size and beauty. So, I focus on my gardens, as do many old women, which rise and rise as I fade and fade.
That’s so hauntingly self aware and yet the mere acceptance of ageing strips it of it’s deadliest weapons - despair and regret
I think you, like your gardens still flourish xx


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Offline RandyL

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #12 on: April 02, 2021, 10:11:08 am »
That’s so hauntingly self aware and yet the mere acceptance of ageing strips it of it’s deadliest weapons - despair and regret
I think you, like your gardens still flourish xx


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Yes the internal battle is the most important one. Although with self acceptance there isn't much battle to talk about. I'm a boomer, at 68, and will never be glamorous like a 30 year old can be. And I wouldn't want that anyway. I'm happy with the wisdom (disputable ) I've gained with my age.

My goal is to look enough like other women my age that I don't attract quizzical looks. This is made easier because as we age men and women begin to look more and more like each other.

Despite all that, as a boomer of course I think I'm 20 years younger than I really am (30? 40?)

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Offline Sephirah

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Re: Vanity and The Journey
« Reply #13 on: April 03, 2021, 02:50:44 pm »
Time is relentless and cruel to humans.

Not sure I agree about the cruel part. Time allows for wisdom. When I first came here I was 28, now I'm 41. Back then I wanted to be beautiful. Now I know I am. Just not in the way I originally thought.

It's all relative. :)


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