Author Topic: First day of the rest of my life...  (Read 537 times)

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Online sarahc

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First day of the rest of my life...
« on: February 19, 2021, 11:13:24 am »
Long-time listener, first-time caller in this post-operative forum... :)

I’m currently on the train home back after completing my initial recovery from my GCS that took place three weeks ago, and I feel like I’ve moved on to the next stage of my life. Yes, I still have lots of dilation to go and there is still the chance for complications. But it’s only natural that when you are in transit that you think about what things will be like when you arrive.

With apologies to Inigo Montoya, my feelings are this: “Is very strange. I have been in the transition business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.”

Now that statement is not entirely true: I do have very firm plans about my professional life, and I’m very excited about my business in 2021, especially as the pandemic restrictions loosen up.

But I have been so focused on executing the transition process, that I really did not explore many aspects of who this new version of me is. Things like: what kind of fashion / style do I want to embrace? how do I want to spend my free time? what is my sexuality? what kind of dating life do I want to have over the next couple of years? And so many other things...

It’s like I’ve stepped into this brand new world with a blank canvas, and it’s a little scary how much of the canvas I need to paint. And unlike my transition, which could easily be put into a series of to-dos, thinking about “Who am I?” and “What am I trying to accomplish?” are such open-ended topics that I have a hard time getting my arms around these big questions. And how do I go about discovering who I am? Especially because I don’t have a partner and no children, there are almost no constraints on the possibilities, and it’s a little mind-blowing.

Anyway, would appreciate any insights you have about how you thought the process of self-discovery after you finished all the formal transition steps. I’d especially appreciate feedback from those like me who don’t have a partner and those who had an open mind on sexuality coming out of transition.

Sarah
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48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2021, 01:42:21 pm »
@sarahc
Dear Sarah:
The various things that you described in your post are exactly the kinds of things that I went through once I became full-time and relocated to my new small town to establish my woman owned small business.
I had not dated for several years, have no children and did not have a partner.

I was immediately the "talk of the town"  .... and I am certain that the gossip grape vine at the Coffee Shop next door to my office was curious about the new blonde haired blue eyed woman that moved to their small town....   I was thrust into the dating world rather quickly and found that there were at least 5 or 6 guys and gals that were pursuing my romantic interests... it is apparent that in a very small town that there are not many available fish in the small local pond .   
 
Also, going to the gym and navigating the women's locker room and shower gauntlet, being naked and dressing/undressing in plain view of multiple CIS women was a nerve wracking event for sure... but I gladly found that I passed without any issues. 

In the first few months on my thread from 2018   I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles   I documented my journey into womanhood, dating, being outed regarding my "secret past" (as a result of my local dental visits), relationships with the townspeople, my new business adventures, and eventually finding my Tooth-Fairy sweetie.
I made a big effort to get involved in small town events and town fund raisers and charities, hiking, formed my gym-gals group, and belong to other groups such as a book club and a cooking club, etc.

I think that for any of us it is best to get out there, make new friends and new connections as you have been doing...
... being Sarah to everyone that you come across in your daily activities is a good plan.

I am wishing you great success and happiness as you continue on.
HUGS and as always, best wishes to you.  Thank you for sharing.
Danielle   
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Rakel

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2021, 09:41:18 pm »
... I’d especially appreciate feedback from those like me who don’t have a partner and those who had an open mind on sexuality coming out of transition.

Sarah

Well, first things first, you have a lot of healing to do. This will keep you occupied for several months. No need to rush it as this can take some time.

When it comes to sex with men, be careful. I know a few ladies who rushed right out and had intercourse with someone they met in a bar. Okay, to each their own. I am not going to judge anyone, but this is not for me. On occasion I do find certain men attractive and I would enjoy a personal relationship. For me attraction is not limited to physical appearance. I do appreciate a man who is kind and I enjoy being with. Again, to each their own.

The only advice I can give is there is no need to rush things. Just take it easy and be yourself. You do not need to meet anyone's expectations except your own. 




_______________________________________________________________

Retired Pharmacist with over 40 years experience in Hospital and Retail Pharmacies.
I still keep my professional licence active and in good standing.


Online sarahc

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2021, 12:04:31 pm »
Well, first things first, you have a lot of healing to do. This will keep you occupied for several months. No need to rush it as this can take some time.

When it comes to sex with men, be careful. I know a few ladies who rushed right out and had intercourse with someone they met in a bar. Okay, to each their own. I am not going to judge anyone, but this is not for me. On occasion I do find certain men attractive and I would enjoy a personal relationship. For me attraction is not limited to physical appearance. I do appreciate a man who is kind and I enjoy being with. Again, to each their own.

The only advice I can give is there is no need to rush things. Just take it easy and be yourself. You do not need to meet anyone's expectations except your own.

Don’t worry about me being sexually adventurous...I am VERY picky when it comes to bonding with people, and even as a guy I liked to take things very slowly, and I really need for there to be an emotional bond before things start getting very steamy. The couple of times I went a bit fast, I hated it, and I knew it was the wrong person for me. That aspect of my personality ain’t changing.

The anxiety on my part is not wanting to get this discovery process done quickly. It’s more about not having a structured process like transition. For me, transition was...easy? (In a way.) Transition was a series of steps that I knew I wanted to accomplish over 24-30 months. There is no similar structured process for this next stage of my life, and that’s what gives me a bit of anxiety.

Sarah
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2021, 02:06:41 pm »
This is something that has concerned me from the start of my transition.  I didn't want to lose myself as I found myself.  I have worked to maintain and develop my hobbies and interest.  As the discomfort of the dysphoria wanes I find I have more time for these interests.  What has surprised me is how free I feel to explore any interest I want.

You have all the experiences of your previous life with the freedom on being who you want to be.  Men have boxed themselves into fewer and fewer acceptable pursuits; as a woman so many things are open to you. 
If you want to work on cars--you can. 
If you want to knit--you can. 
If want to surf--you can. 
If you want to cook--you can. 
If you want to write--you can. 
If you want to game--you can. 
If you want to collect--you can.

How about starting on YouTube.  Look up something that interested you in the past, or that you are curious about.  That might lead to other things of interest.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Online sarahc

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2021, 02:24:25 pm »
@Jane.Shannon

Actually, I'm pretty sure my interests are going to be unchanged. I like tennis, singing, cooking, and a couple other things. None of those things is particular geared to one gender or another.

The discovery is more about who I am and how I present myself, not about what I like to do.

Sarah

This is something that has concerned me from the start of my transition.  I didn't want to lose myself as I found myself.  I have worked to maintain and develop my hobbies and interest.  As the discomfort of the dysphoria wanes I find I have more time for these interests.  What has surprised me is how free I feel to explore any interest I want.

You have all the experiences of your previous life with the freedom on being who you want to be.  Men have boxed themselves into fewer and fewer acceptable pursuits; as a woman so many things are open to you. 
If you want to work on cars--you can. 
If you want to knit--you can. 
If want to surf--you can. 
If you want to cook--you can. 
If you want to write--you can. 
If you want to game--you can. 
If you want to collect--you can.

How about starting on YouTube.  Look up something that interested you in the past, or that you are curious about.  That might lead to other things of interest.
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline warlockmaker

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #6 on: February 21, 2021, 12:41:24 am »
Style of dress, style of life, romantic preferences etc. as in normal life we will change. More so with tgs in their new life. Your style of clothing will change as you get to identify the type if person you want to be. From my experience my style if clothing changed, mainly because I became more sophiscated and knowledgeable. Sexual preferences also change by experiencing different relationships, today I am bi but not interested in a relationship. I always say I am tg, I do not hide this fact;  I am proud to be the 3rd gender.

All the novelty of physical and mental changes will become normal and you will live a normal life. Be patient and you will find your path in this new life. Congratulations.
When we first start our journey the perception and moral values all dramatically change in wonderment. As we evolve further it all becomes normal again but the journey has changed us forever.

SRS January 21st,  2558 (Buddhist calander), 2015

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2021, 01:10:17 am »
Sorry I misunderstood what you were looking for.  I remember my counselor asked once about what kind of woman I wanted to be.  I still wouldn't have a good answer, but I am having fun figuring it out.  Enjoy getting to know the woman you always wanted to be.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline Pammie

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2021, 02:45:33 pm »
Sorry I misunderstood what you were looking for.  I remember my counselor asked once about what kind of woman I wanted to be.  I still wouldn't have a good answer, but I am having fun figuring it out.  Enjoy getting to know the woman you always wanted to be.
Unusually (not) I seem to have a different perspective
Im getting to know the woman I am rather than who I want to be - I guess I don’t think of it being a blank canvas to create with but rather releasing my real self and then understanding myself


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Online sarahc

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2021, 03:59:47 pm »
@Pammie

Yes - I agree with that! For me it’s not about creating the new me, it’s discovering the new me.

Sarah

Unusually (not) I seem to have a different perspective
Im getting to know the woman I am rather than who I want to be - I guess I don’t think of it being a blank canvas to create with but rather releasing my real self and then understanding myself


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline EllenW

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2021, 07:25:31 pm »
@Pammie

Yes - I agree with that! For me it’s not about creating the new me, it’s discovering the new me.

Sarah

Sarah,
I like the idea of "discovery". I will have to talk to my therapist about this thought. I not only have to discover who I am as a woman but at the same time discover myself as a widow after 40 years of marriage.

ELLEN
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #11 on: February 23, 2021, 04:42:23 pm »
@Pammie, 
To build on your blank canvas analogy, maybe it is more what Michelangelo said about working in marble.  He didn't create a shape, instead it removed the extra pieces to reveal what was underneath all along.  We built up our old gender so much and so thick it takes awhile to remove all those extra bits. 

Unusually (not) I seem to have a different perspective
Im getting to know the woman I am rather than who I want to be - I guess I don’t think of it being a blank canvas to create with but rather releasing my real self and then understanding myself


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July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline Pammie

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #12 on: February 25, 2021, 05:02:18 pm »
@Pammie, 
To build on your blank canvas analogy, maybe it is more what Michelangelo said about working in marble.  He didn't create a shape, instead it removed the extra pieces to reveal what was underneath all along.  We built up our old gender so much and so thick it takes awhile to remove all those extra bits.
That’s an excellent analogy and I really like that - yes, totally agree!


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Offline Rachel

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Re: First day of the rest of my life...
« Reply #13 on: Yesterday at 02:36:59 pm »
Congratulations on GCS.

You have time to figure out your specific likes and dislikes as time goes on. Some how ads will find you and your style if you go on-line to buy a top or bra. I like NYC jeans and a on-line shop for colorful tops (summer). I look forward to gong back to stores soon. You can really find your style if you shop, shop and shop. I like thrift stores. When I started to transition I went to some thrift stores in more affluent areas in Philadelphia. I found some really nice clothing. 


Before sex (self or with others) make sure you are sufficiently healed. I would recommend discussing it with your GCS doctor. I like guys and the kind of guys I like are dominant and large. So if you are not healed it can cause damage. Plus large guys need larger dilators and some additional work.

I had no issue going into a female locker room after I went to some of the clubs I was in. So I think becoming familiar with your body and being healed then going to a female locker room and sauna at a gym are great ways to gain confidence. I found some woman in the sauna are pretty raunchy in language and what they discuss about their boyfriends or husbands.   I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination but some of the language and discussion was not my thing. I being my phone and play solitaire. When with spin friends It would be awesome. We would talk about class and the instructors etc. 

MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas FemLar 10/13/2020
Dr. Thomas laser vocal procedure 2/17/2021

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