Author Topic: Not born this way?  (Read 470 times)

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Offline ashley7

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Not born this way?
« on: February 20, 2021, 12:04:32 am »
I am a woman... but I didn’t always feel that way. When I was a kid, I used to get called ugly and got picked on. Maybe this is the source of my desire to be pretty. Since I am damaged, I tried conversion therapy on myself, thinking I could “cure” my damage and as a result my desire to be female. Now I know now it’s a lost cause. I should have known better. Anyway, I had to get that out there.

Offline TanandaTheTrollop

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Re: Not born this way?
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2021, 01:33:00 am »
Being ugly is not being trans, being you is being you. You don't owe anyone anything. It is hard when your family has expectations, but it is true.

Gotta be honest though, I don't see you as ugly, at all. Are you sure you are not just seeing what you believe?  Just a thought and you can ignore me.

Offline ashley7

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Re: Not born this way?
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2021, 02:24:35 am »
Being ugly is not being trans, being you is being you. You don't owe anyone anything. It is hard when your family has expectations, but it is true.

Gotta be honest though, I don't see you as ugly, at all. Are you sure you are not just seeing what you believe?  Just a thought and you can ignore me.

I got better looking over time, but you can’t outgrow damage, so I don’t have the confidence to appear attractive to people. I’m getting professional help, but it usually just ends with getting medication that doesn’t help.

Offline Rakel

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Re: Not born this way?
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2021, 07:12:28 am »
Many of us who were abused as children have made it a priority to just move on. Keep in mind that anyone who abuses a child has issues of their own and by pulling someone else down, they somehow make themselves feel better. They are evil people and I recognize them as such.

I know this is strong language, but this is how I cope with my abusive childhood.

When it comes to gender issues, these are two separate things, unless the abuse is because the child did not act as expected. This was my situation and I tried hard for many years to overcome my feminine ways. I put on a good show, but I was miserable inside.

It was not until I accepted myself for what I am that I could let go of my past and move on. I did make a few changes in the process of becoming my true self, but nothing too drastic. This is my opinion of myself, but others may disagree. Changing ones own gender is what I needed to do, so I did it. It was just part of accepting myself and living as I want to, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Accept yourself and be yourself. Do not let anyone else tell you different. If you listen to them, that is your own fault. Don't do it.

Take care.  :-*





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Offline Sephirah

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Re: Not born this way?
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2021, 04:10:37 pm »
Sweetie... who you are doesn't have to be who you were.

There's a lot of weight put on the whole "born this way" thing. To justify how you feel to yourself and to the world around you. But the truth of it is, it doesn't matter nearly as much as you might think it does. What matters is the here and now. As people we change every minute of every day. We make choices that steer our lives far above and beyond anything we could ever have imagined as children.

Focus on you, now. How what you're doing makes you feel. Not how you were back in a time before. Your thoughts and feelings matter. They are valid.

I think most trans folks at an early time in their lives got picked on. We're easy targets. We have low self esteem, low sense of self, not sure of our place in the world. It's okay sweetie. For some people... yeah... maybe that is how they dealt with it. Only to realise later on down the road that it wasn't the answer.

That isn't necessarily you. What matters now is: how do you feel about yourself? What do you want for yourself? Answer those questions and hold on to the answers. Our lives are fluid, they shift day to day. What matters is you feel sure of what you're doing now. Not how you were years ago. :)

You are beautiful, okay? I think everyone gets damaged in one way or another. But that doesn't mean broken. Everything can heal, eventually. Doesn't stop you being beautiful. :)

Offline Lagdim

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Re: Not born this way?
« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2021, 04:36:32 pm »
Sweetie... who you are doesn't have to be who you were.

There's a lot of weight put on the whole "born this way" thing. To justify how you feel to yourself and to the world around you. But the truth of it is, it doesn't matter nearly as much as you might think it does. What matters is the here and now. As people we change every minute of every day. We make choices that steer our lives far above and beyond anything we could ever have imagined as children.

...

You are beautiful, okay? I think everyone gets damaged in one way or another. But that doesn't mean broken. Everything can heal, eventually. Doesn't stop you being beautiful. :)

I love this perspective  :)

We are each an ever-shifting, ever-evolving bundle of neurons encased in flesh, who communicate to other neuronal beings with our lips and our fingers. If you take a step back, it's easy to realize that the social labels we apply to ourselves are transient. They're meaningful in the moment, but they can become outmoded.

Offline Gertrude

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Re: Not born this way?
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2021, 09:17:13 am »
I love this perspective  :)

We are each an ever-shifting, ever-evolving bundle of neurons encased in flesh, who communicate to other neuronal beings with our lips and our fingers. If you take a step back, it's easy to realize that the social labels we apply to ourselves are transient. They're meaningful in the moment, but they can become outmoded.

And yet who we are is root in biology, most likely genetics/epigenetics in a prenatal development context. Sure we get to choose and it's better to live in the now, but it's hard to escape/change the ecosystem we live within. No one swims alone. So, sure, it's better to live in SF than Afghanistan if you're trans, but getting there ain't easy. Logic takes a back seat to feelings and social programming. Overcoming the latter requires consistent and continuous work. Look at addictions as an example. Most people fail many times no matter how reasonable and logical it is not to do the addictive behavior. It's not only that we may justify to others, but ourselves. To me, this wouldn't be something I would choose. At all. It just is and always has been, so until society understands this, we'll have the contention. The plus side is that we have come a long way in the last 30 years, especially in the last 10. Young people don't have to face the same level of shite and I think it will continue that way. For me, it's really getting around years of social programming from a more conservative society that no longer exists.

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