Topic: therapy session 2

[iskra]

Another transgender therapy session yesterday. Laser hair removal scheduled as well. Recommends HRT for me as she expressly stated. I don't know. It's my time frame after all right? I want to make sure that the issue lies in gender and not somewhere else, for obvious reasons. I continue to explore. Unlike many, I have a very specific set of reasons for wanting to transition, but it may not be a sufficient basis considering all that goes with transitioning.

[ChrissyRyan]

The bottom line is the you will need to make some decisions at some points in time about this all.
It is hard to say what is right for you, but you and your therapist can bring about some clarity so that better decisions may be made.  Good luck!      Think this through.  See what others post too.

Chrissy

[Rayna]

It's your life and your own path through transition or not. Your therapist probably has a lot of experience with other people and the paths they have taken or perhaps wish they had taken.

So I would ask them to explain, and have a discussion about what they see in you that leads them to make that recommendation. Perhaps they will convince you for good reasons, or perhaps you will convince them you're not ready. Or perhaps you'll just come to a better understanding of yourself. All good.

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[iskra]

It's your life and your own path through transition or not. Your therapist probably has a lot of experience with other people and the paths they have taken or perhaps wish they had taken.

So I would ask them to explain, and have a discussion about what they see in you that leads them to make that recommendation. Perhaps they will convince you for good reasons, or perhaps you will convince them you're not ready. Or perhaps you'll just come to a better understanding of yourself. All good.

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I'm not ready. I did ask her if she was sure, and she said was totally sure. She's been doing this for 30 years. she said it would work out if I let it. I feel accepted in her office and liberated. Maybe she's picking up on that. That isn't a basis for transition though, but it does raise questions about where the sense of liberation and authenticity is coming from. I still explore everything, as I just might  be confused rather than transgender. The time is NOW to find that distinction.

[Battle Goddess]

I'm not ready. I did ask her if she was sure, and she said was totally sure. She's been doing this for 30 years. she said it would work out if I let it. I feel accepted in her office and liberated. Maybe she's picking up on that. That isn't a basis for transition though, but it does raise questions about where the sense of liberation and authenticity is coming from. I still explore everything, as I just might  be confused rather than transgender. The time is NOW to find that distinction.

Sounds to me like you're taking a prudent and sensible path.

One thing that bugs me about the term "transition" - and I'm as guilty of this as anyone, and guiltier than most - is that it too often gets thrown around as meaning "completely and publicly living and presenting as the opposite gender in a binary male/female system."

Ain't so. Transition is what you make of it. All the different variables that go into it (gender identity, gender expression, sexuality, yadda yadda) took me a long time to tease out. You get to work out your own solution, too.

[Battle Goddess]

iskra, an additional thought occurs.


You wrote the other day about

arguments [that] seem to be touchy feely in their unwillingness to even consider an unpleasant truth, as if you can tell in advance that it's simply not possible just because feelings get hurt. That's not the "rigorous thinking" I was referring to btw...We see a lot of this these days:" It makes me feel bad, therefore it isn't true or can't be true." So much for reality. The truth doesn't care about feelings.

You and I both seem like empirically-oriented people, accustomed to trusting clear-eyed analysis over woolly gut assertion.

Since I've solved all the variables for my own transition and am Out as female, I'm obviously not in the same place as you are, and no one's transition path mirrors anyone else's. Just thought you might find this anecdote interesting:

Started out writing a post about anosmia to the coronavirus thread, but it ended up getting all personal and reflective, so I decided to put it here instead.

Just for reference, a certain level of anosmia runs in my family.... I have been very curious what it's been like for folks who have become anosmic as a result of covid.

Hadn't expected it, but HRT has begun to somewhat lift the cloak of my own anosmia. I can smell and taste much more vividly! It's thrilling and fascinating, but I also find myself evolving coping strategies. It's not that the new smells are overpowering, but I'm not quite prepared to deal with all of them. Too many mice headed for the mousehole all at the same time. It's just too much.

That's sort of how it was when I was first coming to grips with the unnerving possibility that I might be trans.

I'm a very data-oriented person. Trusting my feelings isn't comfortable. I want empirical evidence. Why was I recognizing this possibility now, I perplexedly wondered? Wth happened? All these new feelings like popcorn kernels bursting one after the other in a mushrooming cascade... it's not that I denied the possibility, but I had to figure out how to dull the clamor and get space to think.

I wish I could have just accepted the possibility right then and there. Meemaw didn't teach me to stand in front of freight trains. The feelings were the empirical data. I was just too scared to admit it. Spent so much time instead with therapists and trying to placate [my wife] and navel-gazing and promising myself that I wouldn't do anything stupid or rash, and it was all time I could have been spending not fighting it. Phooey.

I wish you greater bravery and insight than I was willing to grant myself.

Good luck.