Author Topic: Telling my dad im trans  (Read 1138 times)

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Offline Chelsealouise

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Telling my dad im trans
« on: March 30, 2021, 10:56:24 am »
Ive recently got back in contact with my dad having not seen him for a years
and need advice on how to come out to him

My mum died a while back and dads only just come back i dont want to lose him again

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2021, 12:02:00 pm »
That's kind of a poser, Chelsea. You could drop a bomb on him and have him be as happy as can be, or break it to him as easy as you could and still see him flip out.

I guess what I'm saying is that his reaction isn't up to you. You can fret about that all you want for all the good it'll do you, but it won't do you any good.

The best I've ever been able to do has been to do it in a manner I'm proud of, and to be as loving and caring as possible, and to let myself be satisfied with that.



Good luck.

"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess


Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

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Online Oldandcreaky

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2021, 12:10:40 pm »
Listen to Battle Goddess. As a goddess, she knows how life can be a battle. There's so much uncertainty, so much we can't control. Do the best you can as gently as you can. I'd lead with what you wrote, that you want to keep him in your life after having lost him for so long.

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2021, 02:56:36 pm »
Ive recently got back in contact with my dad having not seen him for a years
and need advice on how to come out to him

My mum died a while back and dads only just come back i dont want to lose him again

It might help to have a think about what kind of person your dad is, sweetie. No, you can't control how someone will react, but you absolutely can control how you approach a subject based on how much you know about the person you're talking to. Whether they're someone who values someone being just straight up blunt and honest, or whether they're someone who would put more stock in you wanting to break the news gently.

Different people assimilate the same information in different ways, and knowing those people if they're close to you, can help you decide how to approach this. It's not necessarily always the best approach to just think "I'll just dump everything on you and how you deal with it isn't my problem."

Tell me about your dad, Chelsea. What kind of person is he? Or what kind of person was he the last time you had contact with him? Understanding someone else is a big step in understanding how to communicate with them.

*hugs*

Online Oldandcreaky

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2021, 08:21:08 pm »
"...be as loving and caring as possible...." =/= "I'll just dump everything on you and how you deal with it isn't my problem."

Offline Chelsealouise

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2021, 01:23:39 pm »
My dad can be a very rude person at times.for example when my younger brother
came out as gay a few years ago dad called him every name under the sun.god knows
what hes going to say to me now im a woman

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2021, 03:13:49 pm »
"...be as loving and caring as possible...." =/= "I'll just dump everything on you and how you deal with it isn't my problem."

Um... no, of course it doesn't. I wasn't referencing anyone else. I was drawing on my own experience. There was a time in my life where I was very numb to the world, and to other people. Very laissez-faire when it came to feelings. That was a dark time in my life. One which took me a while to get over... and realise how destructive it is. Yet at the time it felt like the most normal thing in the world. Sorry if that wasn't clear. :)

My dad can be a very rude person at times.for example when my younger brother
came out as gay a few years ago dad called him every name under the sun.god knows
what hes going to say to me now im a woman

Chelsea, do you think it might be better to come out to him through a medium where he can't shout and scream at you face to face? A lot of people here choose to come out to people via a written medium, like a letter or email. Maybe the best thing for you to do is to write everything down that you want to say to him, and... if you're concerned about him going nuclear at you, give him time to read and digest things before you have a conversation in person.

This has the advantage that you're not on the back foot, and trying to think what to say when you have someone asking you a million questions (or calling you a million names). It gives you space to put down everything you want to say in the way you want to say it.

Even if you do want the first time to be face to face... write it down anyway. Everything you want to say, and how you want to say it. Just so you're not trying to think on the fly while emotions are running high. Organise your thoughts and how you want to approach the subject. That in itself can be helpful before you even say anything.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best and I hope you two can have a relationship moving forwards.

*extra big hugs*

Offline Chelsealouise

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2021, 09:20:46 am »
Thanks for the advice i sent him an email explaining
And havent had a reply yet. Although they do say
No news is good news

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2021, 09:24:13 am »
Good luck!  I hope this turns out well.  :)


Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #9 on: April 02, 2021, 10:06:30 am »
Thanks for the advice i sent him an email explaining
And havent had a reply yet. Although they do say
No news is good news
Yep, you never know. Just as it can take us a while to come to terms with our own identities, it can take others time, too.

Wishing you the best!

"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess


Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

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Offline Chelsealouise

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #10 on: April 05, 2021, 01:45:36 pm »
Dad emailed me last night saying he was a bit shocked to find out i was now a woman
But was happy that iwas happy with my new life.he has also agreed to give me away at my wedding


Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #11 on: April 05, 2021, 01:51:41 pm »
Wow! Can you beat that?

How you feeling?
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess


Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2021, 01:58:43 pm »
Dad emailed me last night saying he was a bit shocked to find out i was now a woman
But was happy that iwas happy with my new life.he has also agreed to give me away at my wedding


That sound extremely positive!  Yay!


Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2021, 02:09:41 pm »
That is awesome news @Chelsealouise !!!

Before I came out to my dad, I (and my sister-in-law) was certain it would not go well. Although he was a bit shocked to find out I was living as a woman, he accepted me. He occasionally uses my old name and has trouble with pronouns, but none of it is intentional. My dad turns 90 this year, so I can overlook occasional mistakes. I wish you all the best.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Offline Chelsealouise

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2021, 04:17:47 am »
I'm feeling rather happy at the moment with the result of the email that dad sent.he even called me daddy's little girl at this point we both started crying and next time I see dad he will be walking me down the aisle on my wedding day

He also said your mother would have been proud of the woman that you have become

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #15 on: April 06, 2021, 10:23:27 pm »
That's great to hear, Chelsea. Sounds like he's eager and happy to be back in your life.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess


Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
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Offline Sephirah

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #16 on: April 10, 2021, 03:23:03 pm »
Dad emailed me last night saying he was a bit shocked to find out i was now a woman
But was happy that iwas happy with my new life.he has also agreed to give me away at my wedding

That is awesome news, sweetie. I am so happy for you!

Sometimes you need to give people the space to get over their initial <I don't understand> moment, and process things. I am so glad it worked out for you. <3

*massive hugs*

Wedding, huh? Who's the lucky person?

Offline Pammie

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #17 on: April 11, 2021, 11:23:36 am »
That is awesome news, sweetie. I am so happy for you!

Sometimes you need to give people the space to get over their initial <I don't understand&gt moment, and process things. I am so glad it worked out for you. <3

*massive hugs*

Wedding, huh? Who's the lucky person?
More importantly have you found ur dress yet?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline Chelsealouise

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Re: Telling my dad im trans
« Reply #18 on: April 11, 2021, 05:40:43 pm »
No i havent found my dress yet and the lucky person is my wonderful partner pete.weve been together for about 5 years we were best friends when i was a man we lost contact for a few years

He sent me a message on a dating site and we met the next weekend

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