Topic: Overwhelmed and stressed

[RobinM.R.]

I've struggled with my transition for years but I have made progress. In my early twenties I wanted to start HRT but stopped because I was scared I was fake.

Now I'm 32 and I'm going through HRT. But I'm taking my sweet time getting out of the closet. My immediate family knows who I am, they know im trans. But I haven't began exploring make up and women's clothes. I'm 4 months into my hormone treatment but I'm just taking my time. I have to lose weight and I want to get my voice in check too. It just feels like so much.

Also I'm worried about coming out my Father's side of the Family, I just know I have to come out tactfully with them. My Aunts and Uncles are super conservative and some have stated their distaste for trans people (the whole bathroom thing). So yeah I'm a little worried. What I want is just come out to them when I'm fully out as a woman so that there can be no doubt that "this is who I am, take it or leave it." IDK.

Sorry for the weird post these are just things that have been bothering me.

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[ChrissyRyan]

Robin,

Take things one day at a time.  There is no timetable that is right except the one that is right for you.

When you make it clear to people that you are a woman, be prepared for various possible reactions.

I hope that this all works out well for you.

Chrissy

[Pammie]

There is no magic answer, no single “right” way but I would think it’s a risky strategy to consider presenting a fait accompli to your fathers side of the family. That s a win or bust approach.
What is your thinking re going full time? Is it based on physical HRT related change or a mental point of no return? Im imagining you probably worked out a plan before starting HRT?


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[RobinM.R.]

There is no magic answer, no single “right” way but I would think it’s a risky strategy to consider presenting a fait accompli to your fathers side of the family. That s a win or bust approach.
What is your thinking re going full time? Is it based on physical HRT related change or a mental point of no return? Im imagining you probably worked out a plan before starting HRT?


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I had to Google fait accompli. I understand what your trying to say. But I still don't know how to come out to them. Perhaps a letter?

Also I didn't make a detailed list when I started HRT but I had been dreaming about it nonstop and I had I good idea about what I wanted. I just need to do those things.

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[Rayna]

Hi Robin, as Chrissy said I also suggest taking it a step at a time. If you're going slow you already know this. Don't worry too much about all the things in your future, just face them as they come up.

For your father's family, can you find somebody who is more likely to be accepting? If you can, try to make an ally of them. They can then help you as you come out to more people. I found an unexpected ally like that in my own extended family and she has really gone to bat on my behalf when a transphobe in the family jumped on me.

I'd suggest sooner than later. You may find more support than you fear. And if not, might as well rip the bandaid off and get it over with. Odds are that people will come around over time as they think about it and as they realize you aren't changing.

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[Pammie]

I had to Google fait accompli. I understand what your trying to say. But I still don't know how to come out to them. Perhaps a letter?

Also I didn't make a detailed list when I started HRT but I had been dreaming about it nonstop and I had I good idea about what I wanted. I just need to do those things.

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I  do think a letter might be good. As for having a plan I’m sure ur aware that HRT delivers changes some of which may be difficult to hide.
I would recommend you plan the next steps as HRT is presumably not your end goal but rather a key tool helping you towards the end goal? Timing is potentially critical and you need to keep control of it if you can. Xx


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[Battle Goddess]

Hi, Robin.

Yes, I hear you on that. I really only had two main difficulties in transitioning. One was realizing I was ready to start. The other was over and  over having to figure out which step I was comfortable taking next and how I was going to do it.



I'd observe that it's that way for lots of folks -  you're in very good company. Maybe that doesn't make things any easier. We all have to take our own journeys.

Fraught as it may feel, the discomfort is part of the process of figuring it out, so it sounds like you're on the right track. You'll know what to do when you're ready to do it. Trust yourself on that one.

[Lady Grey]

My advice fwiw is to ✔️ off the following boxes first:
1. Make sure you are financially independent.
2. Have a backup trans friendly support system in place. You should check out your local trans support groups.

After that my only advice is don't wait too long. The longer you wait the harder it will be.

If I were you I would take the immortal bard's advice:

There is a tide in the affairs of men and trans women
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures. (IV.ii.269–276)