Author Topic: Photo's for Mum  (Read 307 times)

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Offline Carla68

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Photo's for Mum
« on: April 05, 2021, 11:27:23 am »
Hi All,

Been full time for well over a year and still haven't got round to mentioning my transition to my family mainly because my brother and father live the other side of the world in Australia and secondly I am working away from UK were my mother lives.

Last week my other messenger account got a message from my mum saying hi followed quickly by a photo of her and my step father.

On Thursday I got what I was dreading a 2nd message asking for a pic of me.

I still have a boys shirt in my cupboard so i popped that on over my top, damped down my hair and tied it back. I took a few photo's on my balcony and picked one to send to my Mum

This has caused me a little more distress than I expected firstly the panic she might guess I was trans, but secondly and much worse was the that fact she didn't and after 2 years of hormones this was a real knock back compounded more by the fact she though I was starting to look like one of my grand fathers

A little lost what to do now

Carla



Carla







Offline Pammie

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Re: Photo's for Mum
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2021, 12:27:02 pm »
Hi All,

Been full time for well over a year and still haven't got round to mentioning my transition to my family mainly because my brother and father live the other side of the world in Australia and secondly I am working away from UK were my mother lives.

Last week my other messenger account got a message from my mum saying hi followed quickly by a photo of her and my step father.

On Thursday I got what I was dreading a 2nd message asking for a pic of me.

I still have a boys shirt in my cupboard so i popped that on over my top, damped down my hair and tied it back. I took a few photo's on my balcony and picked one to send to my Mum

This has caused me a little more distress than I expected firstly the panic she might guess I was trans, but secondly and much worse was the that fact she didn't and after 2 years of hormones this was a real knock back compounded more by the fact she though I was starting to look like one of my grand fathers

A little lost what to do now

Carla
I can imagine you are! Probably would have been good to keep your parents in the loop but oh well. They do know you are trans even if they don’t yet know you have transitioned?


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Offline RandiL

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Re: Photo's for Mum
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2021, 01:11:55 pm »
Carla, to a large extent we see what we expect to see when looking at other's faces. If your Mum doesn't know you're trans she's not going to tell you that you look like your grandmother!

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Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Photo's for Mum
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2021, 02:47:48 pm »
My last year of living in the male role, I told my co-coach of the girls' basketball team where I was going. She said that I looked the same. I said I was losing the ability to be read as male, despite the constant tie and jacket and short hair.

Well, we attended a conference and as expected, many of our fellow attendees read me as female and used female pronouns.

My co-coach gave herself whiplash the first time someone said "she" about me, but as more and more used it, she looked again and realized that I had crossed the line, despite the tie and jacket.

My point is that your mother might need to really see you through someone else's fresh eyes, eyes unencumbered by the fog of history.

Offline Carla68

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Re: Photo's for Mum
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2021, 12:21:22 pm »
I can imagine you are! Probably would have been good to keep your parents in the loop but oh well. They do know you are trans even if they don’t yet know you have transitioned?


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Unfortunately Sharing is not a family trait my younger brother had a heart attack and we found out from a stranger, My father pretty much did 2 weeks in hospital with out us knowing and my mother moved house 2 weeks early and forgot to mention it (I still feel for the family that bought the house when i turned up looking confused my Mum wasn't there)
If I was to buck the trend we haven't been in same place together for 15 years so a big unveiling is unlikely too

Thanks

Carla







Offline Carla68

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Re: Photo's for Mum
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2021, 12:26:47 pm »
Carla, to a large extent we see what we expect to see when looking at other's faces. If your Mum doesn't know you're trans she's not going to tell you that you look like your grandmother!

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Randy,

I agree, as you say she wasn't expecting to see anything but her son so why should she, unfortunately I could see my grandfather

Thanks
Carla
Carla







Offline Carla68

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Re: Photo's for Mum
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2021, 12:33:55 pm »
My last year of living in the male role, I told my co-coach of the girls' basketball team where I was going. She said that I looked the same. I said I was losing the ability to be read as male, despite the constant tie and jacket and short hair.

Well, we attended a conference and as expected, many of our fellow attendees read me as female and used female pronouns.

My co-coach gave herself whiplash the first time someone said "she" about me, but as more and more used it, she looked again and realized that I had crossed the line, despite the tie and jacket.

My point is that your mother might need to really see you through someone else's fresh eyes, eyes unencumbered by the fog of history.

I think my issue is I was quite happy presenting as female because I thought that i had crossed that line a while ago and now not as sure. But mentioning the jacket and tie has helped as I'm pretty sure that today's whole package wouldn't be able to wear his old white slim fitting cotton shirts and tie to work with out serious issues

Thanks
Carla

Carla







Offline AllieSF

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Re: Photo's for Mum
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2021, 03:02:03 pm »
I know that it is difficult, but telling the truth to all that matter will lift a great burden from your shoulders and give you a wonderful and great sense of liberty, freedom.  I recommend that and stop playing games with your mind.  What will happen will happen no matter when the see the real you.  Knowing that you are transgender before seeing the changing you is  better, in my opinion.  Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hugs,

Allie
HRT - February 2017
Full Time - July 2018
Orchi - January 2018
BA - September 25, 2019
FFS - January 10, 2020
GRS - TBDDD (To Be Determined, Decision and Date)

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: Photo's for Mum
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2021, 06:23:17 pm »
I have to agree with AllieSF.  The heart of the matter isn't being told you look like your grandfather, but that you hid your true appearance from her.  Sounds like it is time to share this news.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

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