Author Topic: level of secrecy  (Read 1020 times)

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Offline stella-cd

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level of secrecy
« on: April 11, 2021, 11:57:14 am »
Very few people know I like to cross dress.   My wife and her sister knows.  Her sister only knows becasue she lived with us for 5 months.  I have a couple female friends who know.  Other than that I keep it secret.  I do go out in public in short shorts and women's jeans.  My legs are shaved.  So I am sure people suspect.  I wouldn't feel comfortable going out in public in a skirt or makeup.

I am curious what level of secrecy other cross dresssers on here have

Offline RandiL

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2021, 08:05:15 pm »
Hi Stella,

My Dad had a cousin named Stella and everybody loved her.

I'm always skeptical that shaving your legs is even noticed by anybody. My own legs have always had only barely visible hair. I can barely see it to shave. Lots of men shave their legs, and these days even their torsos.

I used to feel shame about what at the time I called cross dressing. I have since come to terms with that and realize this is just an expression of my inner being. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Now you may feel it necessary to hide this for other reasons, and that's ok. But I hope you can eventually get past hiding.

There is one gay bar in my city that is trans and cross dresser friendly. They do weekly drag shows, and it's a fun time to dress up however you like. You can change there if you need to.

There is also a burlesque troupe and their shows are another opportunity.

I do a lot of hiking, biking and running, especially on trails. That became a prime outlet for dressing as I pleased.

I hope you can find your own satisfying path.
Randi

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Offline Ciara

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2021, 08:13:22 am »
I have been cross dressing since I was a very young boy. I dressed in my sisters' clothes and my mother's. My older brother caught me once when I was about 10 years old and said little. I think he just put it down to childhood play.......he didn't know that I yearned to be a girl. When I was in my teens my father very nearly caught me. That was a lucky escape for me as he was old fashioned in many ways and would not have been impressed with me.
I'm now in my sixties and nobody knows that I cross dress or have transgender thoughts. I am 100% in the closet. My wife would be devastated if she learned that I carried a secret for the 40 years we have been together. I sometimes think it is sad that I have never been able to share my love of being feminine. It would be so nice if we could both dress up and be two ladies together but that's how it is.
I've never gone out dressed but I often go out wearing a bra, underwear, subtle makeup and a unisex garment. Nobody notices except me and that makes me feel good  :)
I don't have a gender issue.
I love being a girl.




Offline stella-cd

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2021, 08:35:46 am »
RandyL - There is a place like you descibe not so far from me.  I looked at the gay bar website and they have drag shows where the performers strip down to thongs.  I would love to go there some night dressed in heels and booty shorts.  I do feel like people stare at my legs when I wear short shorts.  The link is my legs in heels



Ciara - that's too bad you can't share with your wife.  Many men are in that situation.  My wife doesn't mind my cross dressing but it's really tame around the house - just booty shorts, leggings, and painted toes mostly.  I would like for my wife to help me with makeup more.  She has done a little on me but never full makeup.  Anyway - I feel very fortunate. 
« Last Edit: April 12, 2021, 05:41:20 pm by Northern Star Girl »

Offline RandiL

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2021, 04:12:32 pm »
RandyL - There is a place like you descibe not so far from me.  I looked at the gay bar website and they have drag shows where the performers strip down to thongs.  I would love to go there some night dressed in heels and booty shorts.  I do feel like people stare at my legs when I wear short shorts.  The link is my legs in heels



Ciara - that's too bad you can't share with your wife.  Many men are in that situation.  My wife doesn't mind my cross dressing but it's really tame around the house - just booty shorts, leggings, and painted toes mostly.  I would like for my wife to help me with makeup more.  She has done a little on me but never full makeup.  Anyway - I feel very fortunate.
Stella, you'll fit right in at the drag shows in heels and booty shorts. People go there to have fun and let loose. Your legs look nice. Enjoy the stares

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« Last Edit: April 12, 2021, 07:42:56 pm by Rakel »
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Offline EmilyAlt

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2021, 01:23:47 am »
Hi Stella,

Like many of us, crossdressing was a big secret for many years.  It was exhausting.  I came out to my girlfriend about 5 years ago....when I couldn't bear to hide it any longer.  She hasn't been very accepting, but it was still one of the smartest things I've ever done.  It was liberating.  And it was the start of my journey to becoming the real me.

I now go out in public day or night every chance I get.  Yes, the world gets to see me in all my girly glory!  I make an effort to present as an attractive woman.  I don't pass but I blend in pretty well.  Having confidence helps a lot.  It's rare that I'm misgendered.

I'm trans and living full time is the goal.  That will mean no hiding and no secrets.  There will be some bumps in the road....

My advice - be true to yourself.  It sounds like you'd love to go out presenting as a female.  Ask the women that know to help.  I'm willing to bet at least 1 of them would love to.  If not, get a makeover.  There are makeup pros that work with CD's and trans women.  But any decent makeup counter (Sephora, MAC, Ulta, Nordstrom, etc) is a good alternative.  Good makeup and a nice outfit will do wonders for your confidence.  Confidence breaks down barriers.  Before long you'll wonder why it took you so long.

Best of luck on your journey.

Hugs, Emily

Offline EmilyAlt

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2021, 01:43:59 am »
I have been cross dressing since I was a very young boy. I dressed in my sisters' clothes and my mother's. My older brother caught me once when I was about 10 years old and said little. I think he just put it down to childhood play.......he didn't know that I yearned to be a girl. When I was in my teens my father very nearly caught me. That was a lucky escape for me as he was old fashioned in many ways and would not have been impressed with me.
I'm now in my sixties and nobody knows that I cross dress or have transgender thoughts. I am 100% in the closet. My wife would be devastated if she learned that I carried a secret for the 40 years we have been together. I sometimes think it is sad that I have never been able to share my love of being feminine. It would be so nice if we could both dress up and be two ladies together but that's how it is.
I've never gone out dressed but I often go out wearing a bra, underwear, subtle makeup and a unisex garment. Nobody notices except me and that makes me feel good  :)
Ciara - I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  But I'm glad you found us and have an outlet to talk about it.  FWIW, I know someone that socially transitioned when she was 74.  She'd been married to her wife for 45 years.  They're still together 5 years later.  Obviously her wife was shocked and there were plenty of difficult days.  But they kept talking and got into counseling.  Now they have an equitable arrangement and they're both happy.  Something to consider.

Emily

Offline Ciara

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2021, 05:15:50 am »
Hi Emily,
Thank you for your advice.....never say never I suppose.
BTW you look stunning in your avatar photo 🙂.
Ciara.
I don't have a gender issue.
I love being a girl.




Offline JamieSmiths1701

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #8 on: April 27, 2021, 09:35:40 pm »
I completely understand the secrecy issue, I was never caught by my siblings.
I started when I was in elementary school.  My mom caught me twice, did not say much, never my dad.  I can truly understand the level of secrecy that you must keep.  I was caught by my wife once, and she . . . well we almost got divorced about it.  I do not CD much any more because my disabled non-binary daughter lives with me 24/7 because he cannot get around very well.  He is quite liberal, and probably would be accepting.  I am just not sure because for me it is more about stress relief than it is about being female.  I suppose my first chance to try to pass will be at Halloween.  I have to wear medical support hose so that part has no effect on me. 
I am 6' 180, what size dress and bra would I be looking for? 

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #9 on: April 27, 2021, 10:10:43 pm »
I completely understand the secrecy issue, I was never caught by my siblings.
I started when I was in elementary school.  My mom caught me twice, did not say much, never my dad.  I can truly understand the level of secrecy that you must keep.  I was caught by my wife once, and she . . . well we almost got divorced about it.  I do not CD much any more because my disabled non-binary daughter lives with me 24/7 because he cannot get around very well.  He is quite liberal, and probably would be accepting.  I am just not sure because for me it is more about stress relief than it is about being female.  I suppose my first chance to try to pass will be at Halloween.  I have to wear medical support hose so that part has no effect on me. 
I am 6' 180, what size dress and bra would I be looking for?
@JamieSmiths1701
Dear JamieSmiths1701
    Please know that I am not trying to hijack your post and your questions and concerns but first I wish to Officially Welcome YOU to Susan's Place.

    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first posting. 

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you wrote about.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
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Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

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Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2021, 10:11:17 pm »
@JamieSmiths1701
Dear JamieSmiths1701
One more thing......
If you feel so inclined please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself!
 
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.
Wishing your well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and other readers the thread back so that the conversation can continue on.
 
Again, I am glad to see that you have joined Susan's Place.  I will be eagerly looking for your future postings around the Forums.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline RandiL

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Re: level of secrecy
« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2021, 10:53:33 pm »


... I do not CD much any more because my disabled non-binary daughter lives with me 24/7 because he cannot get around very well.  He is quite liberal, and probably would be accepting.  I am just not sure because for me it is more about stress relief than it is about being female.  I suppose my first chance to try to pass will be at Halloween.  I have to wear medical support hose so that part has no effect on me. 
I am 6' 180, what size dress and bra would I be looking for?

You ask about sizes. We all have unique dimensions so it's pretty hard to offer advice. Measure your chest around the rib cage below whatever breasts you have. That will get you started on a bra.

I am 6'2" 175 pounds, and I often wear size 14 or Large on my top half. Bottom half I'm a size 8 or 10, or Medium. Dresses won't usually fit me unless they're stretchy.

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