Community Conversation > Crossdresser talk

Plea for help to understand myself

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Hello everyone,
There is probably a million similar stories like mine, so I'll just give you a exec summary: started to wear mom's clothes and shoes around 7-8?, always playing with girls and never into sports. From 13 onwards at boarding school, boys and girls separately and in a lot on playful contract with my mates. Was never excessively popular among girls, though i fell in love many times. Have very female-like body shape, wide hips and rather narrow shoulders. Did irregularly wear women's clothes until my 30s, currently 39.

Last 10 years i feel pressure to just exist as a woman. Not just wear clothes, and make up at home.. but going shopping and enjoying time off. Just today i came back from a project and while at hotel, 90% of time was dressed up as woman while working (thankfully no video calls). When I do, i feel peace at heart and like what i see in the mirror.

Now the rub, I'm married with two little kids, that i adore above everything. At home I'm pretty much the housewife, though I'm the high earner, somehow i manage. I have the feeling that everyone around me looks up to me how great i am, but inside I'm just wishing to be someone else. No one knows of my struggles, my wife loves me but it's inattentive and wouldn't even notice if i had an affair. After these couple of days i decided to open up, and tell her about my struggles. I have the feeling that many of my decisions in last 10 years were made up artificially by me, just to avoid dealing with myself.

Of course, I'm scared to lose everything, but I'm on edge of emotional burn out and about to drag my family 800 km to the other side of the country. I don't even know if I'm "just" a CD or already having a form of dysphoria. How have you, people, dealt with this?

Northern Star Girl:
Dear Peeptoe
    Please know that I am not trying to hijack your post and your questions and concerns but first I wish to Officially Welcome YOU to Susan's Place.
    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first posting. 

As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you wrote about.
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
    I want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
Things that you should readSite Terms of Service & Rules to Live ByStandard Terms & DefinitionsPost Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)Cautionary NoteReputation rulesNews posting & quoting guidelinesPhoto, avatars, & signature images policyMembership Agreement

Northern Star Girl:
Dear Peeptoe:

If you feel so inclined please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself!
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.

Wishing your well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and your readers your thread back so you can get some answers from other members.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.

Lady Grey:

--- Quote from: Peeptoe on April 17, 2021, 05:24:34 pm --- How have you, people, dealt with this?

--- End quote ---

One day at a time.  That's the only way I know how.  Having a wife and kids definitely complicates things. Can't advise you there. But give it time.  You'll figure it out. 

Maid Marion:
Hi Peeptoe,

Everyone is different but if you would actually prefer to be a woman, that is way beyond cross dressing.
Most CDs only want to wear women't clothing.

Gender and sexuality are also separate.  Sexuality is who you are attracted to.

Like you, I have a very feminine figure.  A petite XS hourglass.

I also go way beyond cross dressing.  I have feminine mannerisms and pass as female on the phone.

It may help to talk with a professional to understand yourself better. 
Though I had an unusually understanding wife and had these discussions with her. 



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