Community Conversation > Crossdresser talk

Plea for help to understand myself

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Hi Peeptoe,

I second Marion's suggestion to seek a therapist. If you have no starting point check the Psychology Today listing on their website. A high percentage of therapists list themselves there. You can select by competencies including gender issues. Plan to see several before you settle into someone with whom you feel a good fit.

I advocate for bringing your wife into the conversation sooner rather than later. The longer you wait the less she will trust you when you finally do.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Dear Peeptoe,

I'd first start with an experienced gender Therapist who can help you sort out the way you feel and the way you want to express yourself. Wearing women's clothes and socially/medically transitioning are two completely different things centered around a common theme: women's outward appearance and being a man or a woman physically.

The best thing you ever did was post your concerns on this forum. Here we talk openly about a variety of trans-related and gender related issues and offer our best insight.

I know I'm a minority with my views regarding transition, but I stick by my beliefs: Don't transition unless your life depends on it. No one, in their right mind, would EVER choose to do this. There are literally hundreds of variables to think about. Yes, you may lose X family member, friends, jobs, houses, social standing but you could also gain an entire lifetime in the process.

Personally I had 2 "choices" to make back in 2018. Transition or I'd not be here to tell you about my journey, period, end of story. I can't tell you WHY specifically, I just know what my path was either life or literal death.

Transition is very serious business. Many of my friends and family have mourned my previous likeness's death or passing, including me. I had to witness my own passing to live. No 2 journeys are the same or even have the same events, only similarities.

If your life doesn't depend on transition, I'd look for ANY other way to deal with your situation besides going down this very difficult road. Remember, transition IS an option, but never a choice.

Hope you find happiness in whatever direction you pursue my friend,


Maid Marion:
So far I have not seen a need for HRT or surgery.

But, I've come to realize that my social awkwardness was the result of being in the uncanny valley between male and female.  Now that I've transitioned to a female presentation that awkwardness is gone!
Even if they know or realize that I'm a guy because of say, the name on the Covid-19 prescription, it isn't really awkward because my presentation "looks good."

Many of the things I've done, like growing out my hair, has taken years. 


Thanks to everyone for your kind words.
Yes, there are a few things that have to happen: i need to open myself to my wife, and find a professional help. I'm at a crossroads where I'm questioning every major decision that drove me here. I always considered myself an unhappy type, never settled for little, always striving for perfection and attributed that to my personality. Now it feels like i was just putting everything and everyone else before myself just not to think about my issues.

Thank you for your support so far.

Sophie, please reread what Sophie wrote and work those words like cud. Then, when those words are ground down, bite into them again. She's warning you of the possible perils of transitioning. To be frank, "likely perils" is more apt than "probable perils."

As far as clothing, I'm the rare bird here who doesn't give half a hoot about togs. For example, right now, I'm wearing a paint-splattered, waffle-weave long underwear top and paint splattered, torn sweats, which is pretty much what I wear everyday. I transitioned 35 years ago and like many young women, I played with color and fabric then, but now my clothing is as tattered and splattered as me.

What matters to me is being received as female and that doesn't hinge on clothing for me, so you could take a whit and whittle it down to a bitsy bit of a whit and that's how much I care about clothes.

However, if it's life or death for you and you choose life, do enjoy clothing for a stretch of years, but if you turn your attention away from the clothing racks, you'll find it's a big, beautiful world out there, in my case full of friendships with women, where you can have, as Daddy Jack Kerouac wrote, "...real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious," as well as gardening and traveling and walking and whatever else tickles your fancy.


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