Author Topic: When being trans is no longer an issue  (Read 752 times)

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Offline Asche

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When being trans is no longer an issue
« on: May 08, 2021, 11:13:54 am »
Someone here was mentioning that there aren't a lot of posts any more.  I can think of a number of reasons, but I won't bore you with my (fallible) opinions.

But I've realized one reason I seldom post here: being trans is no longer an issue for me.  I just live my life, and while being trans is still a part of me, it's just a fact, like my shoe size.  Not that I don't have issues, I have plenty, but they aren't connected with my being trans.

So I don't really have much to say any more, at least not much about the experience of being trans.  (I have a lot to say about the recent transphobic efforts of certain overly influential political groups, but that wouldn't belong here, and I think I'd feel the same thing even if I were cis.)

I realize that this is in part (maybe large part) because I have a lot of privilege compared with most trans people out there, especially those in less trans-friendly parts of the USA (and the world) than where I live.  I have never gotten any grief for presenting as a woman, my job was never in danger due to my being trans (of course, I'm retired now, so it's not an issue any more anyway), and I'm comfortably well-off.  Would that many of my trans siblings were doing even half as well as I.

P.S.: I have to tell a funny story.  I always assume people can tell, but last May, I got a mammogram, and the X-ray tech was asking me various questions, and then she asked: "when was your first period?"   My jaw dropped -- she evidently had not twigged that I am not a cis woman.  So maybe not all people can tell?
"...  I think I'm great just the way I am, and so are you." -- Jazz Jennings



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Offline Sephirah

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Re: When being trans is no longer an issue
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2021, 03:27:55 pm »
This is probably true for a lot of people. The site is here when people need it. When they don't, they move on. I've been here, on and off, for close to 13 years now. I've seen probably thousands of people come, stay a while then leave. There's nothing wrong with that.

I'm not really here because I'm trans. Not anymore. I stick around because people will always need help. At the start it was about me. But now it isn't. Hasn't been for a long time. It's because I can offer something to those in need, to help them need a little less. Which makes me happy. So I stay.

Other people have different motivations. That's how it will always be. There are those who use the site as a resource, to help them on their journey, and there are those who choose to help others on their journey, regardless. I'm more the latter.

The site has a special place in my heart. Most of my best friends, I've met here. So I think I'll likely be here until they cart me out in a box, lol.

Offline RandiL

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Re: When being trans is no longer an issue
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2021, 04:14:42 pm »
I think there are more resources available at other places, even in the few years since I started in 2017. My local groups tend to be on Facebook, and of my voice group cohort, one person is on Twitter, one on Instagram and another just relies on in person meetings.

For me, Susan's seems to foster closer connections. Those of us who regularly post here get known and I trust them.

I remember in my early times I met a woman here who was a prolific poster on the site and who was beginning a cross country tour of trans friends. She's one of those people who have since moved on. i invited her to spend the night, which she did and it was a nice experience. My wife was irate, "You can't trust people you've only met online!" which is true, but I felt like I knew her much better than just that. And I was right. I don't think a bad person could effectively hide their true nature while posting a lot on Susan's. Many of us reveal a lot about our inner worlds while interacting here, much more than on those other sites I mentioned above. I like that aspect of Susan's and I am sorry others miss out on this level of support. This site really does fill a certain niche and I appreciate it.

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Offline Pammie

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Re: When being trans is no longer an issue
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2021, 04:18:51 pm »
This is probably true for a lot of people. The site is here when people need it. When they don't, they move on. I've been here, on and off, for close to 13 years now. I've seen probably thousands of people come, stay a while then leave. There's nothing wrong with that.

I'm not really here because I'm trans. Not anymore. I stick around because people will always need help. At the start it was about me. But now it isn't. Hasn't been for a long time. It's because I can offer something to those in need, to help them need a little less. Which makes me happy. So I stay.

Other people have different motivations. That's how it will always be. There are those who use the site as a resource, to help them on their journey, and there are those who choose to help others on their journey, regardless. I'm more the latter.

The site has a special place in my heart. Most of my best friends, I've met here. So I think I'll likely be here until they cart me out in a box, lol.
I for one am so grateful you are here Sephirah! Your support is so appreciated! Xxx


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Offline Asche

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Re: When being trans is no longer an issue
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2021, 07:49:24 pm »
I stick around because people will always need help.

I like the idea of helping people.  But I'm not sure I can help much, and I fear I would make things worse.  My way of looking at things is so different from how most posters seem to see them that I don't know that I can do more than just try to empathize.  A lot of the stuff people worry about are things that aren't an issue for me, and the stuff that I'm wrestling with doesn't seem to be stuff that bothers anyone else.

Most of my best friends, I've met here.

I envy you.  I have even more trouble making real connections on-line than in real life.  I've gotten one lasting friend out of my years here, and AFAIK she doesn't come here any more.
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Offline RandiL

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Re: When being trans is no longer an issue
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2021, 08:17:16 pm »
I like the idea of helping people.  But I'm not sure I can help much, and I fear I would make things worse.  My way of looking at things is so different from how most posters seem to see them that I don't know that I can do more than just try to empathize.  A lot of the stuff people worry about are things that aren't an issue for me, and the stuff that I'm wrestling with doesn't seem to be stuff that bothers anyone else.

I envy you.  I have even more trouble making real connections on-line than in real life.  I've gotten one lasting friend out of my years here, and AFAIK she doesn't come here any more.
Asche,

You help others simply by being here, telling your own stories and offering empathy. We don't always, or even maybe often, have good suggestions for others. Simple encouragement is often all I can offer.

Hugs,
Randi

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Offline Sephirah

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Re: When being trans is no longer an issue
« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2021, 02:17:00 pm »
My way of looking at things is so different from how most posters seem to see them that I don't know that I can do more than just try to empathize.

Sometimes this is what people need, sweetie. A view of things that is outside their own. That's why people come here, often. To get fresh eyes on something they can't figure out. You have things to contribute even if you don't think you do. And empathy is always appreciated, just so someone doesn't feel quite so alone.

Just knowing that someone else cares about what they think can be enough, in a world where people can feel crushing isolation just because of who they are.

Offline Sno

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Re: When being trans is no longer an issue
« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2021, 06:56:35 am »
Asche,

We are always here. We may not hear too well, but, well, here we are :)

Why we do not post much - not because of the folk we know (knew) here, or the challenge of getting to help those just exploring - but our journey was taken inward in therapy, when we started to accept who we are, and that more than one of us, was posting - and when I becomes We the world becomes complicated.

We are. And we are not man. Still that statement stands proud for us - and from that pride, we stand by you all :)

Much love

Rowan

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