Community Conversation > Transgender talk

Baby Steps

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Squeaky99:
I've recently come out to my GF.  She's not thrilled, but she hasn't kicked me out yet either.

I decided I was going to go very slowly to give her time to process.  We talk fairly often about this but I haven't been doing much physically towards transition.  I haven't totally decided that I'm going to transition but it's a high possibility.

I've started doing a few subtle things; exfoliating, moisturizing, cleaning up my brows and nails, some hair removal.  Nothing too obvious but they make me feel better.

The next hurdle is going to be gender-affirming clothes.  This is a huge hurdle for me.  I'm not talking about going all out, doing hair and makeup and all that, just being able to relax in a sports bra, tank and yoga pants or whatever.  I don't know how I'm ever going to be comfortable enough to wear my own clothes around her.  I  know communication is the first step, but she could come home today with a Victoria's Secret bag for me and I'd still be too self-conscious to wear it around her.

Those of you with partners, how did you get past that? How did you start expanding the boundaries in a way that was comfortable for both of you?

Battle Goddess:
There's no real cookbook because it all depends on you, your needs, your partner, and your relationship.

My partner kicks, screams, and tells me she'll divorce me when I announce I'm taking such-and-such a next step. So I wait awhile for her to cool off, and then I do it.

It's a pain, but that's how we do. We can't do anything in our relationship without arguing about it. Even buying a dishwasher is a long, drawn-out process. Research, debate, shopping, debate, more research... oy.

But I'm out, I'm happy, and she doesn't like it much, but there's not much she can do about it.

You guys will do you guys.

Good luck.

Peeptoe:
I came out a month ago to my sister and my wife. My sister came for a visit and brought me a beautiful dress size 38. I'm not pushing it, but i have a pair of women jeans, and two dresses that i wear at home, if the conditions are right. I could go out in the evening, when nobody would pay attention to me.. but honestly i enjoyed myself more spending evenings with her, watching TV, a glass of wine and having on a cosy dress. If my wife can accept me like this, then all is good.

SheShe:
I was honest with my soon to be X GF (for other reasons than gender stuff) and explained my position and my interest in fem and have been all my life since at a tender age.   I still do man things and act male but fall in to the fem clothes also.   She knows that I'm not gay or any of that, that can be associated with my interest and attraction to cross gender items.    I started out in baby steps with her on certain items and gradually worked up to where I'm at now and feeling wonderful.   When out in public I do some subtle fem dress.   Leggings  or hose under shorts,,, bra under a t shirt and or little makeup to enhance my face features but not look girly.   I even have a small breast enhancer that appears that I just have good pecs but feels great when I wear them.    Surprisingly she is game for me wearing a skirt that is styled like a kilt but not a kilt,, I would love that of course but do not have a skirt yet.

Her mindset is very liberal and open minded also and that helps big time I'm sure of.   Cis women who are carrying a strict man and woman mind set and refuse to bend to todays changes in society's acceptance can be a issue in a marriage,,, yes it takes the right women to understand and tolerate our style that is  carried in our heads,, some women just can not accept how we are programmed.    Women like to compete with each other in beauty and attraction for the male species,,,,  I once had a Long Ago GF that just freaked with my leggings in my closet let along on my legs.  She made a comment one time that she felt that I was trying to compete AGAINST her,,,   I think she was trying to make a point that she because she is a female she has the right to dress in a certain manner and I as a male must dress in drab boring clothes just because I'm a dude.   We did not last long because she was a chronic alcoholic to say the least. 

If you go baby steps it gives a non conforming cis woman time to get her head (mind) adjusted that men can look good in cross gender clothes also.    A cis S.O can even find a shopping buddy that loves to go girly shopping and be a hubby all rolled in one package.   Myself I love girly shopping with my soon to be X and hopefully I find another S.O. that enjoys the same and my happiness can last 4 a long time.   

I did suggest getting a small BA and she objected to that saying that it made her feel like she was with a female in bed,,,  I guess I can give up something LOL.

Toni1:
For me taking it slow was the way to go. I started with shoes which for me made sense as my size is 6 men so I was always lucky if I could find anything so women's shoes gave me more options. Then I went on to t shirts. Aeropostale has  (had) nice male jeans but certainly no different fit than girls so that's how I started that. Just kind of go for androgynous at first. I remember at first I would pick out a t shirt and my wife would say no it was to "girly". Now when we shop it's my wife who scouts out cute dresses she thinks would look good on me. So just take it slow step by step subtle changes.
Toni

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