Community Conversation > Transgender talk

Baby Steps

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Rakel:

--- Quote from: EmilyAlt on June 10, 2021, 01:21:54 am ---I have a don't ask don't tell arrangement with my GF.  I do my best to fly under the radar.  But it's not healthy.  I take trips to socialize with other girls fairly often.  It keeps me sane.  I don't ask for permission.  We're still together.  But who knows for how long.  Transitioning will eventually become impossible to hide.

To thine own self be true.

--- End quote ---

Don't Ask, Don't Tell works well in a professional environment, but for any personal relationship, I think that complete honesty is absolutely necessary.

Yes, we need to accept ourselves as we are. DADT to ourselves is a disaster in the making.  :'(

Squeaky99:
She told me last night that it had finally hit her that I was a woman, whether I transition or not, and she was having a hard time with it.  On one hand it was thrilling to hear those words...it's the first time someone has called me that. I hope it was a step towards acceptance.

On the other hand I hate what I'm doing to her.

Just trying not to be one of those horror shows you read about over on Straight Spouse Network.

Maid Marion:
We talked about everything, so she knew before we got married.
When I bought VS PJs and started wearing them, we had a talk to set boundaries.
She was OK with just about everything up to hormone therapy, then we needed to have another talk.

At work I wear obvious nail polish, women's clothes and 2 inch high heels. 
I think it helps as it shows I'm the one in the department with the work experience to do what I want and offer useful advice.  The heels are a great way of interrupting a conversation outside my office if I want to say something.

Marion

EmilyAlt:

--- Quote from: Rakel on June 11, 2021, 08:45:00 am ---Don't Ask, Don't Tell works well in a professional environment, but for any personal relationship, I think that complete honesty is absolutely necessary.

Yes, we need to accept ourselves as we are. DADT to ourselves is a disaster in the making.  :'(

--- End quote ---

I totally agree with you Rakel - DADT is unhealthy regardless of circumstances.  I wasn't very clear in my last post and omitted some important details.  The DADT arrangement I have with my GF is not by choice.  It affects my mental health every single day.

I came out to my GF about 6 years ago.  She took the news pretty well and acknowledged this is who I am.  However, she doesn't want to talk and doesn't want to see me.  When I try to have a discussion she shuts me down quickly.  She's restated her position several times.  Further, she doesn't want the neighbors to see me.  Being myself at home is limited to staying indoors when she's not there.  I needed a better outlet so I started socializing with some girls I met on another support forum.  Our gatherings are at a city about 2 hours away.  I won't ask for permission to do this.  It's something I need to do.  So far, my GF hasn't given any pushback, which surprises me.

About 2 years ago I began to realize I'm trans.  When I can't be myself, I'm agitated and distracted.  I think about the life I want every day.  With the help of my therapist and MD, I'm planning to start HRT later this year.  Eventually, the changes will become obvious.  Given the circumstances with my GF, our relationship probably won't survive.  I expect to have a place of my own at some point.

Anyone that's reading this, don't take my sitation as a template to blaze a trail of your own.  Take things slow with your SO and communicate often.  I believe most people have the capacity to adapt, given enough time. 

But sometimes it just doesn't work out.  If you're sacrificing your happiness and at an impasse, it's time to move on.

Angelaney:

--- Quote from: EmilyAlt on June 13, 2021, 02:51:15 am ---I totally agree with you Rakel - DADT is unhealthy regardless of circumstances.  I wasn't very clear in my last post and omitted some important details.  The DADT arrangement I have with my GF is not by choice.  It affects my mental health every single day.

I came out to my GF about 6 years ago.  She took the news pretty well and acknowledged this is who I am.  However, she doesn't want to talk and doesn't want to see me.  When I try to have a discussion she shuts me down quickly.  She's restated her position several times.  Further, she doesn't want the neighbors to see me.  Being myself at home is limited to staying indoors when she's not there.  I needed a better outlet so I started socializing with some girls I met on another support forum.  Our gatherings are at a city about 2 hours away.  I won't ask for permission to do this.  It's something I need to do.  So far, my GF hasn't given any pushback, which surprises me.

About 2 years ago I began to realize I'm trans.  When I can't be myself, I'm agitated and distracted.  I think about the life I want every day.  With the help of my therapist and MD, I'm planning to start HRT later this year.  Eventually, the changes will become obvious.  Given the circumstances with my GF, our relationship probably won't survive.  I expect to have a place of my own at some point.

Anyone that's reading this, don't take my sitation as a template to blaze a trail of your own.  Take things slow with your SO and communicate often.  I believe most people have the capacity to adapt, given enough time. 

But sometimes it just doesn't work out.  If you're sacrificing your happiness and at an impasse, it's time to move on.

--- End quote ---

I think looking at your partners friends and what their opinions are, is the best way to gauge how things are going go, but those opinions can change........

I have friends who have similar experiences to yours, they found that their partner "changed" over the last few years, went from being sort of ok with it, to being much less so, and I personally feel that it's not helped by all the bad attention we've seen caused by the media focus on radical trans activists.

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