Author Topic: Happy ending! Mom told me she wants to call me Sarah - transition is complete!  (Read 462 times)

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Offline sarahc

  • Sarah
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So as you can tell from my signature below, I have gone through most of the major physical steps of transition (I'm still working on wrapping up electrolysis and I'm still in the first year of dilation). And I'm completely out socially with friends and family and almost everyone has been wonderfully accepting. I'm now four months post-op from GCS, and I'm physically back to full strength and doing athletic activities. Also, I'm out, I'm socializing with lots of people and about and not really thinking about passing. I'm just living.

But there was one big step in my transition that was still stuck...my mom really found it uncomfortably sad to think that she was losing the son she knew, and she really did not want to call me by my new name. Her side of the family is all very stubborn, and they're the type of people where the more you push, the more they dig in. My mom is like that, too. So I made an intentional decision not to force her to call me by my new name. I committed to just meeting her where she was mentally and making sure I continued to be a part of her life.

A couple of weeks ago, she mentioned that she was thinking about starting to calli me Sarah, so I knew it was coming. And tonight at our usual weekend dinner she told me that she was going to do it. As I was leaving after dinner, she reached out to me and gave me a big hug...this is VERY unusual. We have never been a touchy-feely family AT ALL!  I really cannot remember a time when she gave me a hug like this ever...

I honestly wasn't sure what to make of it. Part of it was that she had come to terms that <deadname> was gone, and so it was an emotional moment for her. But the other part of it is that she does love me very much, she appreciated that I was patient with her and that I had stayed involved in her life.

I was crying on the drive home afterwards. (Note to reader: I'm also crying now as I write this.)

Anyway, this is honestly the last big thing I was hoping to accomplish from transition. And while I still have weekly electrolysis and daily dilations for at least the rest of this year, I think I’m through what I think of as “transition.” And through all these steps, I never got emotional. But today, I cried.

I cried because I have reached the mountaintop. I have accomplished everything I could have hoped for. And so I am declaring my transition complete and now I am in post-transition.

I know that I have been very lucky in this process. Lucky to have good physical health, lucky not to have other mental health issues, lucky to get mostly good surgical results, lucky to have supportive friends, lucky to have the financial resources to do this process relatively quickly. Usually I minimize my accomplishments, racking most of them up to good fortune. I never bask in the glow of my accomplishments.

But even I have to admit to myself that in this case I made this transition success happen: I made the brave decision to transition, to come out to people little by little, to commit to losing 50 pounds at the beginning of transition, to go through three major surgeries, to overcome the disappointments associated with Covid, to launch a new business as a transgender woman founder, to risk it all to pursue a happier life. And I played the long game with my mom, hoping to eventually win her over. Every step required previously unknown courage and patience to let the process unfold. It was a brash plan, or a maybe a rash plan - it's hard to know the difference when you're doing something so bold like transition. But it has all...worked...out.

There will be new life challenges ahead. But right now, I'm just so happy. I've made it. I hope all of you also find happiness at the end of your crazy transition road.

Sarah
« Last Edit: May 16, 2021, 05:51:58 am by sarahc »
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48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
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@sarahc
Dear Sarah:
I have been following your threads and comments since you joined in on
the Forums 2+years ago on September 28, 2018. 
I clearly recall that Jessica and I responded to your very first posting in the
Introductions Forum with our Welcome Messages.

In some of your posts just a month after you first posted, you had submitted
various posts and updates regarding how you never thought that your mother
would ever accept you as Sarah, and your envisioned that she may not have
wanted to see you again.
Having acceptance now from your own mother is overwhelmingly a very affirming
hurdle that you have just jumped over.

What you stated in this most recent post of yours is the
most happy thing I have ever read....   
....you have been through the gauntlet of transition
ups and downs and now you are at the "finish line"

I am so very happy for you and wish you even more success and happiness
as you live your life as Sarah.
I will be eagerly following your postings as I have always done.

Thank you for sharing and posting your good news.

HUGS and more HUGS,   
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Dorit

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Sarah, this is a beautiful post.   There is much in what you wrote that I can identify with.   It is good to acknowledge ourselves as having been wise and courageous to chose a difficult path and to have succeeded even beyond our expectations. Thank you for sharing! 
I first told a psychiatrist that I wanted to be a girl in 1967 after a psychotic breakdown
Began therapy again with gender specialist 50 years later in September 2017
Began HRT November 2017
Name change with Israel Ministry of Interior March 2018
FFS September 2018
GCS December 2018
Gender change with Israel Ministry of Interior January 2019
BA July 2020
GCS Revision March 2021

Offline ChrissyRyan

  • Have a gentle manner ❤️
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  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
That sounds like a good result!  That is wonderful.   :)

This is really a beginning now for you.  I wish you the best.

Hugs,

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Online Maid Marion

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Hi Sarah,

That is great news!

Marion

Offline Toni1

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Hi Sarah,
I am so very happy for you! You are certainly living the Bible, "Love is patient love is kind..."
I wish you a joyful heart always.
Toni

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Sarah,
What a beautiful post.  I have very much enjoyed following your posting and your insights to others.  As someone about two years behind you in transition, I have found your perseverance throughout your journey inspiring.   I very much hope completing transition doesn't mean stopping your contribution to this community.
Congratulations,
Jane
June 2021: Orchiectomy
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline sarahc

  • Sarah
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Don't worry - I'll still be here for a while...just less news, because life is returning to a new normal.

Sarah
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Laura1951

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But even I have to admit to myself that in this case I made this transition success happen: I made the brave decision to transition, to come out to people little by little, to commit to losing 50 pounds at the beginning of transition, to go through three major surgeries, to overcome the disappointments associated with Covid, to launch a new business as a transgender woman founder, to risk it all to pursue a happier life. And I played the long game with my mom, hoping to eventually win her over. Every step required previously unknown courage and patience to let the process unfold. It was a brash plan, or a maybe a rash plan - it's hard to know the difference when you're doing something so bold like transition. But it has all...worked...out.

There will be new life challenges ahead. But right now, I'm just so happy. I've made it. I hope all of you also find happiness at the end of your crazy transition road.

Sarah
@SarahC,

You're a few surgeries ahead of me, but I'm soooo happy that your mom finally embraced you as Sarah. Transitioning is a long, hard journey, so I hope you're feeling proud that you stuck it out.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey 

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go

Full Time since 11/27/20



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