Author Topic: Challenging event occurred  (Read 1523 times)

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Offline Lady Sarah

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Challenging event occurred
« on: May 19, 2021, 11:36:37 pm »
On Sunday, when my husband and I were not home, my mother (whom lives with us) fell and broke her wrist. The neighbors called for an ambulance. That was not the worst of it.

She had not seen a doctor in over 5 years, so nobody knew how bad her health had gotten. She has a heart condition now, and requires oxygen after smoking for 50 years, even tho I got her to switch to vaping 5 years ago.

It is now my full time job to take care of her, and take her to every doctor appointment. It won't be easy, especially since my back is messed up. I already had lumbar surgery. I am getting her to be more comfortable using a quad cane. Changing her diapers is a big challenge. She outweighs me by about 60 pounds, even though she is 6 inches shorter than I am.

My brother said he will come put in a wheelchair ramp. Right now, I just have a 6 foot ramp made for moving appliances. My sister shows up looking to collect brownie points by shoving her nose in and trying to take over and telling me what I need to do. Thank goodness my migraines are finally under control. Even so, I can only take so much yelling and hollering before I go out the door and find something outside to do.

With my mother's advanced age, it will likely take months for her wrist to heal. She will still have the other health problems. I am glad she trusts me and feels she can depend on me. Several have told her I have the aura of a healer. She calls me her angel. What will suck... is finding somebody to sit with her every time I need to go shopping for anything, or even to go pick up prescriptions.

She may have to cope with adjusting to life with her own new limitations she just learned about, but I have to cope with adjusting to a whole new way of life as well. My husband won't need to adjust nearly as much. Eat, sleep, work, watch YouTube.  That's all he does. One thing for him that will change... he won't be dragging me with every time he decides to go someplace.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
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Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2021, 11:45:50 pm »
@Lady Sarah
Dear Sarah:
I a so sorry to read of your mother's accident.  Falling down almost never goes well for our older parents.
Bones are more brittle, impaired balance, and longer healing times.

I commend you for stepping up and taking care of your mother.  Continue to do your best to take care of her.
There are many elderly parents that are ignored by their kids.... kudos to you for caring!!!

HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle



On Sunday, when my husband and I were not home, my mother (whom lives with us) fell and broke her wrist. The neighbors called for an ambulance. That was not the worst of it.

She had not seen a doctor in over 5 years, so nobody knew how bad her health had gotten. She has a heart condition now, and requires oxygen after smoking for 50 years, even tho I got her to switch to vaping 5 years ago.

It is now my full time job to take care of her, and take her to every doctor appointment. It won't be easy, especially since my back is messed up. I already had lumbar surgery. I am getting her to be more comfortable using a quad cane. Changing her diapers is a big challenge. She outweighs me by about 60 pounds, even though she is 6 inches shorter than I am.

My brother said he will come put in a wheelchair ramp. Right now, I just have a 6 foot ramp made for moving appliances. My sister shows up looking to collect brownie points by shoving her nose in and trying to take over and telling me what I need to do. Thank goodness my migraines are finally under control. Even so, I can only take so much yelling and hollering before I go out the door and find something outside to do.

With my mother's advanced age, it will likely take months for her wrist to heal. She will still have the other health problems. I am glad she trusts me and feels she can depend on me. Several have told her I have the aura of a healer. She calls me her angel. What will suck... is finding somebody to sit with her every time I need to go shopping for anything, or even to go pick up prescriptions.

She may have to cope with adjusting to life with her own new limitations she just learned about, but I have to cope with adjusting to a whole new way of life as well. My husband won't need to adjust nearly as much. Eat, sleep, work, watch YouTube.  That's all he does. One thing for him that will change... he won't be dragging me with every time he decides to go someplace.
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Started HRT:   March 2015
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Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2021, 12:34:43 am »
Hats off to you, Sarah. That's a very big job.

Are there local support resources for folks in this new role of yours? I can think as how I'd find your situation more than a little daunting.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2021, 01:39:21 am by Battle Goddess »
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

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Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2021, 06:20:48 pm »
The staff at the hospital strongly suggested she live in a nursing home. Knowing such places are just a place where people go to die, she yelled "NO" at them. As for resources to help me take care of her, there is no such thing. I would never put her in a nursing home as long as her mental faculties are strong. She is showing good improvement since getting out of the hospital and off the morphine.

I have the feeling that by the time I get really good at taking care of her, she won't really need to be taken care of nearly as much. Only time will tell.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016


I don't have wrinkles. I have wise cracks.

Offline Julie H

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2021, 09:37:53 pm »
My great grandmother used to live in an assisted living facility, that sounds like something you might want to look into. It isn't a nursing home and allows a fair amount of personal freedom.
Julie

Offline EllenW

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2021, 10:02:06 pm »
The staff at the hospital strongly suggested she live in a nursing home. Knowing such places are just a place where people go to die, she yelled "NO" at them. As for resources to help me take care of her, there is no such thing. I would never put her in a nursing home as long as her mental faculties are strong. She is showing good improvement since getting out of the hospital and off the morphine.

I have the feeling that by the time I get really good at taking care of her, she won't really need to be taken care of nearly as much. Only time will tell.

Sarah,

From experience I know how hard it is to take care of some one. When my late wife and I took care of her mother and later when I was taking care, I found several groups to that help the care giver. I really urge you to look for groups in your area.

Take care
Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2021, 06:13:26 am »
Caregiving is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

Offline Maddie

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2021, 07:24:35 am »
Hi Sarah,
What about having your sister (the one wanting brownie points)sit with your mom when you have to leave?

Or would that make things worse?

Hope your mom continue to show good improvement!

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2021, 06:28:24 pm »
Hi Sarah,
What about having your sister (the one wanting brownie points)sit with your mom when you have to leave?

Or would that make things worse?

Hope your mom continue to show good improvement!


My sister came by today to have my mom do face time over the phone with one of my cousins. When my mom needed to pee, my sister got in her car and left.

There is no assisted living in my area, not unless we take her to the big city, let them sell our home, and my husband and I become homeless. The costs of such a place are that ridiculous. And if she gets well enough to go home, there would be no home to go back to.

We are not wealthy white collar folks. We are rural blue collar all the way. We are still looking into whether or not her insurance can cover some in home health care.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016


I don't have wrinkles. I have wise cracks.

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2021, 05:56:19 pm »
@Lady Sarah
Dear Sarah:
Now, for some really good news......
I heard from the grapevine that you have a Birthday
to celebrate tomorrow on June 11th.
 
All of us here on the Forums are hoping and wishing that you are having a wonderful birthday.

Hopefully your birthday will be filled with happiness, cake with candles,
and with friends and family to help you to celebrate your special day.

On your June 11th birthday please be certain to look at your profile
and find a special gift.


Best wishes to you.
Danielle

 
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
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A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline davina61

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #10 on: June 11, 2021, 02:03:30 am »
Happy birthday from me, hope you have got things sorted.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


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Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #11 on: June 11, 2021, 10:16:54 am »
She got surgery on her wrist, with plates, screws, and all. The cast came off Monday, and she is wearing a wrist brace. However, I am still having to take care of her every need, no matter how bad it sucks. The details are too graphic for this website.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016


I don't have wrinkles. I have wise cracks.

Offline amandam

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #12 on: June 11, 2021, 12:57:21 pm »
This is going to sound a bit bad, but it works. This is a last resort.

A friend of mine was in the same situation with someone that could not take care of himself and they had no money. A nurse friend told him to do this to get her into a home. Go to the hospital for <insert problem>. Don't sign anything. Leave. Then, refuse to pick her up. They will be forced to put her somewhere.

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #13 on: June 11, 2021, 05:17:48 pm »
This is going to sound a bit bad, but it works. This is a last resort.

A friend of mine was in the same situation with someone that could not take care of himself and they had no money. A nurse friend told him to do this to get her into a home. Go to the hospital for <insert problem>. Don't sign anything. Leave. Then, refuse to pick her up. They will be forced to put her somewhere.

Would you do this to your mother?
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016


I don't have wrinkles. I have wise cracks.

Offline amandam

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2021, 05:53:31 pm »
The friend did it to her dad. He was real bad, no bowel control, couldn't walk, needed 24/7 care. She was going to  lose her job. Like I said,  last resort.

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2021, 06:37:58 pm »
The friend did it to her dad. He was real bad, no bowel control, couldn't walk, needed 24/7 care. She was going to  lose her job. Like I said,  last resort.

My mother can still walk with the aid of a cane, which I provided. She can still control her bladder and bowels, but needs help going to the bathroom. She cannot use her left hand yet, and is a big woman. Fortunately, I don't have to to pick her up or anything.  She outweighs me by at least 60 pounds.

If it ever came time to discuss putting her in a home, my brother and sister would need to come over and help her understand that she needs more care than I would be physically capable of. We have not reached that point.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016


I don't have wrinkles. I have wise cracks.

Offline Rachel

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2021, 08:28:50 pm »
I am sorry for your mother. I know how hard it is to care for family.

I was 28 when my Mom and I took care of my dad for 6 weeks at home. It was a three month time period but 6 weeks at home for the end. 20 years later my Mom was at Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania for 3 months in the heart and vascular lab. She had gotten an infection from the quadruple bypass surgery. There was no way she could leave there and three months later she died there. I visited her twice a day during the week and Saturdays and Sundays.

Caring for my father was extremely difficult. There was emotions for someone you love and now cared for them and knowing he would die. I can never change what happened. Nor how my brother and sister behaved and lack of support.

When my Mom got sick I knew she would never leave the ICU. I wish she had chosen hospice but she chose another path. Again a difficult time.

I can look back and know how I behaved and how others behaved. I guess in the end when things pass I know I can look back and live with myself and actions and behaviors.

I hope things improve for your mother.

Rachel
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Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #17 on: September 07, 2021, 09:06:32 pm »
Today marks the one month anniversary of my mother's untimely death. She passed away while my husband and I had gone to pick up a few things she said she needed. It looked like she passed away while taking a nap. The coroner said she was gone probably 30 minutes after we left the house. It was ruled as natural causes, at the age of only 74.

While the last 4 months of her life meant my life was limited to taking care of her, I am grateful I was actually able to.  I did not have to pick her up or anything like that. There was no physical strain.

The funeral was a small one, graveside... where she is buried next to her latest husband.

After losing her, I am trying to just stay busy to keep my mind off things. We were very close, no matter how much she drove me up the wall at times. I am still trying to get used to the fact that I am now the elder of the family, not counting aunts and my remaining uncle.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016


I don't have wrinkles. I have wise cracks.

Offline Julie H

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #18 on: September 07, 2021, 11:05:27 pm »
Sorry for your loss
Julie

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Challenging event occurred
« Reply #19 on: September 08, 2021, 06:17:56 am »
Hi Lady Sarah,

Sorry to hear of your loss.  It was good that she was able to spend her last few months with family.

Marion

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