Community Conversation > Non-binary talk



Here is a thought, in our setting here I define binary as male or female. Non-Binary would have a continuum with male at one end and female at the other. I question why with as many of us as there are that do not ID as one end or the other why we are given the short end of stick when it comes to transition. Who says we have to live as one or other to transition? The old medical guides should be cast aside. I was born a male, since the age of six I have often wondered why can I not be female regardless (I’m 68) how I present to the world. I present as male, and will continue to do so for many reasons but not the least of which is at 6’4” 300 pounds do you really think there is a chance in hell I could pass? Come on now lets put on our thinking hats and use common sense. My wife and I have a happy stable 20+ year marriage why would I put her through MY transition just to full fill some litmus test to live as I choose. She stood by me when I had my Orchiotomy. As I get ready to retire I want to have a bit of house keeping done down there and have a labiaplasty. As for my penis I really don’t want to have it sliced from one end to the other have my tube cut out and repositioned. In its relaxed state it only projects an inch or less there has to be a simpler way to deal with it. It functions fine to sit or stand I really don’t have a preference. Sitting as they say takes a load off so I guess I lean that way. There is a term and I cannot think of it at the moment where the penis is basically retracted up into the abdomen If I could find a surgeon to do that I’d be thrilled. I need the head to stick out far enough to pee. When erect something for the wife to touch. We have not had intercourse in years so a 6” rock hard piece of manhood is not needed. And lets just she always gets up with a smile. If you agree or if you don’t lets chat about it. But if you don’t, remember two things I know I can not pass, and my life and my family are still in tact.

I know a few people who are non-op for various reasons. Some reasons are medical and others are family related. What you chose to do is your decision and we here at Susan's Place will try to be as supportive as we can.

I can think of two possible medical labels for the condition you describe. Micro penis and Retracted penis come to mind. A micro penis is just a small penis, mainly due to genetic or hormonal issues. A retracted penis is a penis of any size on an overweight man, where there is so much lower abdominal fat, that the penis is over laid and buried by the skin and fat.

Both of these conditions are naturally occurring in some men and are not a product of surgical intervention. There are  surgeries to reverse these issues.

I feel pretty much in the same boat as you, at about the same age I too discovered that being feminine / dressing just felt good and natural, and over the years embraced and denied who I am until close to 40 when I finally realized that I am just in-between. Since then I've dressed (definitely not passable by a long shot) and taken hormones though not enough to transition although I do have very slight breast development and for close to the last 20 years (I'm 58) though I can get erect, I can't get hard enough for penetrative sex sexually though that is not the case in the morning so it's not a physical issue, it's more how I am wired and who I am if that makes sense?
I also had a wife who accepted me and embraced all of who I am and we had a wonderful relationship sexually, but sadly that relationship had to end for other reasons (single parent, and she had childhood issues she could not - would not deal with to the detriment of my kids to the point that I had no choice but to end the relationship).
So much for background... To get more to the point I think it is unfair that Society for the most part cannot except those that defy traditional gender patterns, but then things are slowly changing in a positive direction. Gay and Lesbian  can now be out and in the open (at least in most parts of the US and many other nations), Transgender is moving in the same direction so really it's just a matter of time. That's not to say that there is not still hatred, prejudice and the unspoken bias that inhibits many people (myself included) from being Ok with being "Out".  But I try to not get upset about where society is at. I express my views to others respectfully and if they are open enough tell them who I am... So they can see that being Genderfluid or Transgender doesn't mean a person is a Pervert or Pedophile as the fear and hate mongers suggest and for the most part I've met with positive results... It's just a slow process that is emotionally hard when all you've wanted all your life it to just be accepted and loved for who you are, just like everyone else, so the changes in Society can never come fast enough.
I am also right there with the Idea of having non-traditional surgery down there. At some point I would like to lose my testicles, but worry about the sexual side of things in that I am happy with my sexuality and would hate to lose that, and in a perfect world I would have my penis retracted / reduced to not really be there but without loss of function from a sensual perpective as again I'm not willing to give up the ability to enjoy sex and feel just for appearance sake.
I'm very happy for you in having a partner who embraces and Loves you for who you are as that is truly a rare and special gift! Perhaps someday I will find another partner who embraces all of who I am but living in the middle of the rural "Bible Belt" greatly reduces my chance of that.  So at present my goal is to get my kids on their own (almost there ~ at home but in College) and move onto some acreage and retire to where I can just be me most of the time regardless of the rest of the world, something I've wanted to do for a Long Time (anyplace with more trees than people is a good thing!).


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