Community Conversation > Non-binary talk

dysphoria vs insecurity and some eating disorders

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steppenwolf:
hey,

so I've always identified as a cis girl, but recently I've learned the term demigirl and started to wonder. the thing is, I definitely am on the feminine side, but I would never want to be seen as a "woman". I prefer androgynous presentation and my body doesn't feel very comfortable. I wish I didn't have those female curves, hips and chest, but I'm ok with my genitalia. I've never felt like myself wearing a dress. but I have absolutely zero masculinity in me or desire to have any masculine features. it's like I have some sort of near-feminine but kind of genderless self-image in my head and it's a big deal for me to match it in reality. when I drift too far from it, I feel terrible, I don't want anyone to see me, it affects my social life etc.

so, if demigirl is something between a girl and a non-binary, then it sounds about right for me, but I'm not sure if I understand the term correctly. here comes the first question I'd be very greatful to hear your opinions on: does it seem to you like that identity is correct for me?

now, another thing. I had an eating disorder a few years ago and I never fully recovered from it. now it takes a form of binge eating/bulimia and I gained a bunch of weight within the last month following a period of restriction. I really want to recover but I can't start my recovery because I feel like I gotta lose weight first (which I can't because my binges are totally out of control) and become skinny again (the lowest weight on the healthy part of the scale, I've learned not to go below it the hard way), not because of public opinion or whatever people say bothers them about weight gain, but because when I am thinner, my hips and chest and love handles are smaller and I feel a LOT more comfortable and like myself, like my appearance matches my inner self as close as possible within my biology (ideally I'd like to have narrower bone structure in the hip area, but that's not possible). I feel like this could be some sort of dysphoria, but maybe I'm just too deeply affected by the skinny media ideal and simply insecure? I wouldn't want to call myself dysphoric if I'm not, so could you please share your opinions on how to tell gender dysphoria from severe insecurities?

also, if you have experienced something similar, please share your story!

Rakel:
Good evening steppenwolf,

I see that this is your first message posted here on Susan's Place. I would like to take a few moments and officially Welcome you to our little corner of the internet. We are a supportive website for everyone with any kind of gender related issue. We do have Terms of Service and I will post links to the Terms of Service and other important information below. We are moderated within the Terms of Service because we have many members here who are underage and we must keep Susan's Place Family Friendly for those members.

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Again, Welcome to Susan's Place and now back to your question.

I have had a serious weight problem for many years. My main issue was eating to relieve stress and not because I was hungry. This stress was from my mental self image not matching my physical body.

After I finally realized what I was doing to myself, I went on a serious diet of restricted calories and predominately vegetables. It took me about 2 years to lose 120 pounds, but first I had to accept myself as I was, then do what I needed to do to get where I needed to be. It is a long story and you can find many of my comments in the Health and Weight Loss forums.

Anyway, I made it work and transition was now a reality for me. Because of the Covid restrictions, I have since gained some weight back, but I am now going to renew my dietary efforts. More to come later.

steppenwolf:
hello Rakel,

thank you for the warm welcome. it's a pleasure to be here.

I haven't notices the health category first, so thank you for pointing it out for me, I'll make sure to check it. thank you for sharing your story!

RandiL:
There are a lot of categories and terminology in the non-binary realm and I don't pretend to understand many of them. But it sounds like you fit somewhere in there.

I'm not sure the category you attach to yourself is very important, except when trying to explain to others. Just be yourself and do what's comfortable for you. If you like it, then it's ok.

I hope you are able to see a good gender therapist. Somebody with experience may be able to provide some guidance.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

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