Author Topic: Questioning, and seeking similar stories  (Read 648 times)

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Offline KatrinaLazuli

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Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« on: June 09, 2021, 05:19:29 pm »
Hello everyone. I just made this account in hopes of... well figuring things out. Or at least taking another step on my journey.

So, I'm in my late 30's. Spent my life as male and never really thought about if I might be Trans for most of that time. Then again, I don't think I really knew and understood what a transgender person was until maybe 5'ish years ago. Now, I can look back and see possible signs I might have been trans when I was younger but there has never been a time before maybe a few years ago I ever really thought I might be a woman.

Now the thought is stuck in my head. I've started talking to a therapist, trying to figure things out. But I over think everything. Seeking a perfect answer to a question that won't have one.

To that end, I've tried looking over other peoples stories. See what others have gone though and their thoughts. My problem is I basically never see a story that matches up. It always seems like in the stories I hear there were several signs they had that the person ignored or suppressed.

So I ask, are there other people who only realized they were trans later in life, but who didn't have obvious signs earlier in life?

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2021, 05:39:08 pm »
Hello everyone. I just made this account in hopes of... well figuring things out. Or at least taking another step on my journey.

So, I'm in my late 30's. Spent my life as male and never really thought about if I might be Trans for most of that time. Then again, I don't think I really knew and understood what a transgender person was until maybe 5'ish years ago. Now, I can look back and see possible signs I might have been trans when I was younger but there has never been a time before maybe a few years ago I ever really thought I might be a woman.

Now the thought is stuck in my head. I've started talking to a therapist, trying to figure things out. But I over think everything. Seeking a perfect answer to a question that won't have one.

To that end, I've tried looking over other peoples stories. See what others have gone though and their thoughts. My problem is I basically never see a story that matches up. It always seems like in the stories I hear there were several signs they had that the person ignored or suppressed.

So I ask, are there other people who only realized they were trans later in life, but who didn't have obvious signs earlier in life?
@KatrinaLazuli
Dear KatrinaLazuli:
    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first posting.

You have shared some things that most of us here had been or have been going through.
I know that you stated that you are looking for personal stories from out members here that match up with your story.  Since all of us and our transition stories are unique to each person, I am thinking that instead of finding a story that matches up, rather you will look at and read a lot of various stories of our members here and you will probable be able to put the pieces together and get some of the answers that you are seeking.


    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same or similar things that you wrote about.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2021, 05:42:18 pm »
@KatrinaLazuli
Dear KatrinaLazuli :
     One More Thing .....
Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to very briefly tell more members about your arrival !!!
 
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.

Wishing your well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and your readers your thread back so you can get some answers from other members.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2021, 06:20:19 pm »
Welcome, KL

Sounds to me like you're on the right path for figuring things out. Give yourself as much time as it takes. Such answers aren't simple, they come in many forms, and it's okay to change your mind as your understanding develops.

One more thing - your story is your own, and nobody else's. Can't be expecting theirs to line up with yours! 

"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess


Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline RandiL

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2021, 08:53:19 pm »
I agree with Battle Goddess, no one else's story will match your own.

That said, I didn't really have any clues, not even in retrospect, until some time in my 50's.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2021, 05:30:47 am »
Welcome!

It may help to separate sexuality from gender.  One doesn't imply the other.  Especially for a sample size of one.

There are three big boxes, but you may not fit in any of them.

The first is those who would like to be women.  Everything changed to a female version of themselves.
The second is those who just like to dress in women's clothes.  Not interested in a sex change.
Those who are attracted to men, but have issues accepting that fact.  Usually lives in communities where homosexuality is an issue.  Those in power seek to control others' sexual preferences or options.

Marion

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #6 on: June 14, 2021, 05:40:43 pm »
Hi, Katrina.  Welcome!

It always seems like in the stories I hear there were several signs they had that the person ignored or suppressed.

So I ask, are there other people who only realized they were trans later in life, but who didn't have obvious signs earlier in life?

To be honest, I am not sure there is a difference between ignoring/suppressing the signs and not having obvious signs.  The human mind is skilled and devious.  When it suppresses something, that thing will be totally un-obvious at the time.

I realized I was trans at age 62.  There were no signs that were obvious at earlier times in my life.  In hindsight, there were plenty of signs that should have been obvious, but none that were! 

I am constantly discovering a new light on old events that I had dismissed years ago.  For example, back when I was around 17, my parents gave me an electric shaver for Christmas.  Totally logical, of course, and useful.  But I felt betrayed by the idea that I would ever need to shave.  Which made no sense at all, so I put it at the back of my mind and told myself that I was being silly.  Of course, I would need to shave sometime soon, and the shaver was a thoughtful, practical gift.

I didn't give it another thought until a few months ago, it came back to me.  And, in the light of knowing that I am trans, I suddenly made sense of the feeling.  It turned out to be my first experience of identifiable gender dysphoria!  I was upset at being labelled "HE-who-needs-to-shave".

It certainly wasn't an obvious sign.  At least it wasn't obvious to me at the time.  Now, of course, it's like, "Duh!!!"
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate; 2021-03-10 consultation for ongoing pain




Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2021, 09:09:00 am »
Hi, Katrina.  Welcome!

To be honest, I am not sure there is a difference between ignoring/suppressing the signs and not having obvious signs.  The human mind is skilled and devious.  When it suppresses something, that thing will be totally un-obvious at the time.


Welcome!

It may help to separate sexuality from gender.  One doesn't imply the other.
The first is those who would like to be women.  Everything changed to a female version of themselves.
The second is those who just like to dress in women's clothes.  Not interested in a sex change.

Marion


Welcome KatrinaLazuli to this wonderful website and I'm sure you find some help here on Transgender Talk Board. Sending love and happiness to you.

Very wise words of advice from Kathy and Marion. Thank you.

Hugs

Pamela xx


Offline KatrinaLazuli

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #8 on: June 15, 2021, 07:57:56 pm »
Thank you all for your stories. And I do agree and know that everyone is different when it comes to figuring themself out. There is a definite ease to knowing that some other people have not known anything until later (even if there were signs in retrospect). The wonders of it being a spectrum and everyone living different lives.

And I am also sorry for not replying sooner. Had a very busy week that left me literally no time for anything. I know I can tend to be more of a lurker, so I hope I don't offend anyone for slow replies or having little activity. I can only try my best to look over things here when I can.

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #9 on: June 15, 2021, 08:07:10 pm »


The wonders of it being a spectrum and everyone living different lives.

You ask me, a spectrum requires two poles in contraposition. Anymore I think of gender as a constellation. You'll come to your own conclusions along the way! 
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess


Introductory Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242617.msg2196235.html

Whiny HRT and Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244163.msg2217618.html

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline Rachel

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #10 on: June 20, 2021, 04:48:35 pm »
I knew I was trans from an early age. However, I though I could control it. I go to the point when I had to transition. Not until after GCS in the hospital bed did I know how serious my dysphoria was.

So feeling you have may be associated with things you grew to get use to and numb to.

An example, I think I was 3 weeks on full HRT and the noise in my ears went away. It sounded like a waterfall. Then there was gradual silence and then no noise. Who would have known that is just one of many things HRT did for me. Another was I could think so much clearer. So dysphoria was reduced and finally eliminated along my journey. I am free for dysphoria.

Rachel
MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
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Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas FemLar 10/13/2020
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Offline EveVT

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2021, 01:14:00 pm »
Hello everyone. I just made this account in hopes of... well figuring things out. Or at least taking another step on my journey.

So, I'm in my late 30's. Spent my life as male and never really thought about if I might be Trans for most of that time. Then again, I don't think I really knew and understood what a transgender person was until maybe 5'ish years ago. Now, I can look back and see possible signs I might have been trans when I was younger but there has never been a time before maybe a few years ago I ever really thought I might be a woman.

Now the thought is stuck in my head. I've started talking to a therapist, trying to figure things out. But I over think everything. Seeking a perfect answer to a question that won't have one.

To that end, I've tried looking over other peoples stories. See what others have gone though and their thoughts. My problem is I basically never see a story that matches up. It always seems like in the stories I hear there were several signs they had that the person ignored or suppressed.

So I ask, are there other people who only realized they were trans later in life, but who didn't have obvious signs earlier in life?

I am in a similar situation, and it was the reasons I joined this forum a while ago.

I found out that I was somewhere under the trans umbrella about 10 years ago, then in my late twenties, without any prior signs of questioning, after I, let's say, "dreamed" that I was a woman, and it just clicked and felt right. Signs I could reach for are the fact that I always enjoyed hobbies that were not specifically seen as girly or boyish  that I disliked body hair, and was never comfortable with nudity in locker rooms or such.

I have not seen a therapist yet (covid not helping) and haven't changed the way I present, as I am not comfortable with in betweens although I  have dreamt that I presented as female without transitioning.

I read someone talking about 3 boxes, body, presentation, and sexual attraction, and I  am definitely only checking the body box. I wished I were physically a girl all the way, but as I just said  I am not comfortable with cross dressing. I am also exclusively attracted to women.

Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Questioning, and seeking similar stories
« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2021, 02:16:42 pm »
Welcome!

It may help to separate sexuality from gender.  One doesn't imply the other.  Especially for a sample size of one.

There are three big boxes, but you may not fit in any of them.

The first is those who would like to be women.  Everything changed to a female version of themselves.
The second is those who just like to dress in women's clothes.  Not interested in a sex change.

Marion

Hello Eve

Thank you for your post above and I just thought in response to your last point, that you might wish to see Marion's very wise advice above  which I wholeheartedly agree. I am a transwomen and am attracted to a small degree to women but never to men. I am mainly asexual as are many transwomen and many transwomen are attracted to women.

Wishing you resolution and happiness.

Hugs

Pamela xx








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