Community Conversation > Transsexual talk

I'm feeling lost

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noitsbecky:
I'm 35 I started transition at 23 ish.  I pass for the most part my voice is holding me back.  I developed a feminine  voice but still can't bring myself to use it.  I wish I was more feminine.   My job in Healthcare this last 2 years has been rough I got fired from one for absenteeism cause panic attacks and migraines.  Its the first time I ever got let go.  I found another job 2 days later but I have put undo stress on my wife.  Now I have lost all confidence in myself so much so that I just want to sleep all the time.  GCS is so far out of my reach with money and weightloss I'm just losing all hope and I quit wanting;but I still need it. Idk I'm crying all the time I am seeing a shrink who helps a bit.  My wife is stressed and I worry that all this will be to much and she will leave me after 11 years of marriage (she married me post starting transition) and I still think I'm not worth it.  I'm not suicidal  so no worries I just feel hopeless I don't have anyone else to talk to.  I just idk

Thank you for reading
Lilly

Devlyn:
Big hug.  :)

I'm not a doctor, but I suggest that you see yours and  tell them what you just told us.

Hugs, Devlyn

Nadine Spirit:

--- Quote from: noitsbecky on June 17, 2021, 11:24:49 pm --- I pass for the most part my voice is holding me back.  I developed a feminine  voice but still can't bring myself to use it.   

--- End quote ---

I did lots of voice therapy, developed a good voice, and couldn't bring myself to use it either.  However, I have tried to address that issue through working on my fears and anxieties with my therapist and a life coach/vocal coach.  As well I have pushed myself to use my best feminine voice as much as I could.  For me it was and is, fear of sounding fake.  The more that I use it and nothing bad happens, the more my confidence rises.  Every single time it helps.  I am still not to the point where I don't think about it, but it's getting better.  Most importantly how I hear and thus see myself is also shifting dramatically.  I often say that changing my voice was at least 1/3 of my total transition.  As in, shifting my brain is one, shifting my body is another, and shifting my voice is the 3rd. 

Rakel:

--- Quote from: noitsbecky on June 17, 2021, 11:24:49 pm ---... GCS is so far out of my reach with money and weight loss I'm just losing all hope and I quit wanting; but I still need it...

--- End quote ---

Lilly,

We have a number of us here who are 100+ pound losers. I am one of them. It was not easy. I lost my weight by recognizing that I was eating to relieve stress and not because I was hungry. Then I adopted a diet of primarily vegetables and limited proportions. I lost about 5 pounds a month and it took me about 2 years to get to a weight where a surgeon would do my GCS.

We have a Weight Loss sub forum and you can find many helpful stories there.

Best wishes and take care.  :-*

Maid Marion:
Hi Lilly,

It may  help to take smaller steps toward being feminine.

Maybe  you could start by using the female voice in the home, if your wife approves.
Or, if that is too hard, talking more about your issues with your wife may help.
If that is too hard it may be better to get the assistance of a therapist.

I bought a red skort and just wore it around the house last summer.
This summer I've been wearing it out in the  yard.

Marion

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