Community Conversation > Transgender talk

Passing, even though I am the dirtiest.

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Oldandcreaky:
I see the pics of smiling women in cute togs posted here and I never post any pics, partly because I wear paint-stained olive green shorts everyday and a sweat-stained baseball cap and paint-stained tank tops. Even my skin is stained, as the bottoms of my feet never come clean in the summer. I do sit in the shower and wash them repeatedly each evening and the water runs black, but not black enough. The soil from gardening has penetrated the soles of my feet and they won't look clean again until late fall. Yeah, I'm a mess, but I shrug because when I take my evening walk, men smile at me and women chat with me and I wonder why I pass, since I don't use clothing to pass and I'm six feet, which invites scrutiny. Heck, in the winter, I wear a man's coat and hat because I like the sturdiness of men's outerwear.

My makeup eyes help. I call them "makeup eyes" because it looks like I'm wearing makeup, even though I don't. Being thin helps. Posture and movement are huge. I have always sat and moved like a woman. My hair helps. I've got a heap of it and it's still shiny, even though I'm old and creaky. I also have 35 years of experience of moving through the world as a female, so I know what to do and say; I've been socialized.

But, lawdy, I'm a dirty mess. My garden, on the other hand, wows. I'm in the process of laying a fieldstone path with a couple lovely curves in it. That's literal tons of soil to dig and literal tons of sand to shovel. Then I'll line it with blue green hostas. I've also been working on the soil of my coming big garden. I have its boundaries mostly built and I moved a ton and a half of manure to it yesterday, all by hand. See why I'm so damn dirty? I'm glad no one seems to care.

Karen_A:

--- Quote from: Oldandcreaky on June 26, 2021, 07:50:17 am ---I see the pics of smiling women in cute togs posted here and I never post any pics, partly because I wear paint-stained olive green shorts everyday and a sweat-stained baseball cap and paint-stained tank tops.

--- End quote ---

I don't post pics of me on the open web because of privacy concerns (Though it was years ago, I have actually been attacked on line by some TSes who tried to harm my 3D life), but also because of how I look. Facially I can pass because of FFS. But below the neck is another story.


--- Quote --- Even my skin is stained, as the bottoms of my feet never come clean in the summer.

--- End quote ---
I don't think many people see the soles of your feet! ;)


--- Quote ---Yeah, I'm a mess, but I shrug because when I take my evening walk, men smile at me and women chat with me and I wonder why I pass, since I don't use clothing to pass and I'm six feet, which invites scrutiny.

--- End quote ---

First I have aways said that (for someone who wants life a life were they blend in) if you need to dress a certain way to "pass" you don't. No one can be put together all the time and one certainly can't just relax and just "be" if you have to worry about how you dress to "pass".

That said I think most feminine clothes are designed to attract attention which makes people notice any "discrepancies" more. There was time during transition (after a year of HRT, having electro done and has style that worked OK either way) when when I dressed casual male when I attracted little or no attention BUT some took me as female and some as male and i was never harassed on the street ...

But when I dressed unambiguously female (and yes it was appropriately so both is style and situation) I did get some harassment on the street... IMO that was because it caused people to notice the physical incongruities with respect to those expected for the sexes.


--- Quote ---Being thin helps.

--- End quote ---

In general yes. but when thin one's underlying frame/build/bone structure becomes a bigger deal. Height (within reason) is not a problem with the right (or at least not to far from the expected) proportions/body types for women...

For some being heavier can work better *IF* HRT puts the extra weight in the right places.

However neither is the case with me... I used to be very heavy but the weight never went to the right places. When I lost a lot of weight (at one time I was down 200lbs) my frame/proportions were too far into the male expectation range to not have some people at least "wonder" in this T aware age.

No hips nor backside but with a very big ribcage (as well as big feet and hands) when thin is not a good combination.


--- Quote --- Posture and movement are huge.

--- End quote ---

They can be. Posture for me is an issue because of spinal issues. I grew up poor so my scoliosis was not dealt with when young when it was correctable. And even by high school I also had significant kyphosis , and being heavy for many  years, even over 20 years ago when I had an MRI done, I was told my vertebra had significant deteriorated. Standing or sitting completely straight is not possible, and trying is painful.... Physical therapy did not make much difference.

 
--- Quote ---My hair helps. I've got a heap of it and it's still shiny, even though I'm old and creaky.

--- End quote ---

My hair is very fine with no body... and my hairdresser always said I should never try and have my hair long because of it. It's also a bit sparse at the crown.


--- Quote --- I also have 35 years of experience of moving through the world as a female, so I know what to do and say; I've been socialized.

--- End quote ---

I have been full time for 24 and post-op 23 years, but things never quite came together for me. Some of it from the above, some of it likely from staying married from "before".
 
-Karen

sandrauk:
O&C
If you want to make it so the dirt doesn't penetrate, try some barrier cream. Only takes a minute and it does work.

Oldandcreaky:

--- Quote ---That said I think most feminine clothes are designed to attract attention which makes people notice any "discrepancies" more.
--- End quote ---

Karen, that sounds right. I'm in the Invisible Age, as Marion calls it, where I've disappeared due to age. A smear of dirt makes me doubly disappeared.

big kim:
I don't pass. I'm 63, 6'1 & 1/2", 260 pounds with a voice like Lemmy. But somehow I blend in & am accepted, even in the most unlikely places I attend open nights for non members at my nearest Hells Angels clubhouse. They hold doors open for me & pull up chairs for me!. I don't wear makeup & dress like an outdoor/birdwatching woman most of the time in comfy walking shoes & pants, t shirt & fleece jacket. I have long grey hair I often wear in a braid or ponytail as it's often windy near the coast where I live & walk with a stick.

https://scontent.fman2-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/202188706_1492715147746337_6303039471902926361_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=e3f864&_nc_ohc=4TshhrSUw4sAX9V483C&_nc_ht=scontent.fman2-2.fna&oh=be196245b2adb8c05a503595042a038f&oe=60DD3230

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