Topic: Help, my workplace found out I'm trans and now I don't feel comfortable

[Miss Kitty]

Hello everyone,

A while ago I made a thread asking for help because a pansexual female coworker was coming on to me and trying to get me to confess that I was trans, well I haven't spoken to her in over a year (I'm a cab driver so I rarely talk to co-workers). Well recently she has been telling regular customers and all the other workers that I am a transsexual and now my anxiety is through the roof. I have been performing very poorly at my job (I've even began drinking heavily and taking drugs in order to avoid getting in my taxi).

I know she has been telling people because some of regular customers literally told me straight out that they know I'm trans (lucky for me they have been super supportive) and even mentioned the other cab drivers name.

What's by far even worse for me is that my boss, who I've always had a good friendship with, is now treating me like garbage. Normally I sit down for a drink and a few laughs with him when I return my taxi, now he is super cold towards me and has even began flat out ignoring me when I talk to him.

The other day I almost quit on the spot when he flat out called me a "he" (typically we play flirt, in a friendly way, he has even told me to quit and pursue a job as an actress or a model). When he said goodbye last he even said "yeah, thank you SIR! Ooops, I should have said ma'am". I think he is super embarrassed to find out and now has now idea how to act towards me.

I suffer from Boderline Personality Disorder (was just diagnosed) and now I'm not just taking these things to heart but I have been thinking of suicidal thoughts and can only think to quit my job. My last bit of surgery is in 2 weeks and while my job was only supposed to be a temporary thing to help for surgery costs, I was still planning on doing it for another six months until I start university. However, that six months will be an impossible task if I am literally too scared to even get in my taxi.

Does any one have advice for me? Has something similar happened to any of you? I would really like some help and its super complicated because the only way I can complain about it is to admit that I am trans and explain my whole life story (and probably medical history too, some thing I cannot stand doing).

Please help, I appreciate any help I can get.

[Angelaney]

This is very confusing, i'm trying to get my head around it, i'm not 100% this morning and so I hope i'm not getting this completely wrong.

BUT if you're not out in the open, then people won't know where they stand, and it seems like the biggest problems are coming from that. People are poking you, trying to get at the truth.

I know it's a personal journey, and you shouldn't have to explain yourself, but unfortunately people are people.

[Oldandcreaky]

Quit. Work elsewhere.

[Nadine Spirit]

I'm sorry that is happening with you.  I suppose that anyone with any hidden past runs the risk of being discovered.  Sucks for sure.  I used to be afraid of people finding out about me, so I transitioned and just told everyone what it was that I was hiding.  Turns out that was the best thing I ever did. 

I guess you don't have many options?  Either be upfront about your past and own it, or go find a different job?  Either way, good luck.

[Haley Conner]

Your boss sounds like a jerk.  Maybe find a new one.  It confounds me why your co-worker would create this situation.  She's either just completely thoughtless, or perhaps spiteful.  Yep.  People are jerks.  Sorry you have to deal with that.

[Lady Grey]

This may sound harsh but I'm in my 60s and don't have time to mess around any more.  So my perspective is somewhat direct:

1. Just come out already.  Stop making it hard on yourself.  It's a simple equation.

2. Get to an AA meeting.  Drinking, drugs, driving and transition don't mix well.

[Rakel]

Hello everyone,

A while ago I made a thread asking for help because a pansexual female coworker was coming on to me and trying to get me to confess that I was trans, well I haven't spoken to her in over a year (I'm a cab driver so I rarely talk to co-workers). Well recently she has been telling regular customers and all the other workers that I am a transsexual ...

All medical records are protected information and may not be passed on without your permission. At this point, I can see two things that may help.

First is to take action to stop your coworker from their comments about your situation. You may talk to them directly or through a lawyer. Your choice. Some people prefer stealth or semi-stealth, while others just come out totally. Again, your choice.

The second and more important is control your drinking and drug use through AA or other support group as Lady Grey has already suggested. You will be glad you did.

[Battle Goddess]

I guess the one thing I'm pretty sure of is that you can't drink your boss or coworker into behaving better. I know far too well how alcohol can help a person cope, but it's a crummy refuge, and it doesn't fix what drove you to drink.

I'll jump on the AA train here, too. Remember that AA is expressly not for alcoholics (rather, it's simply for people who want to stop drinking), so don't think you won't be welcomed warmly.