Author Topic: Jenn's Journey  (Read 8515 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #120 on: November 01, 2021, 02:46:25 pm »
Homework. Part 1.

SO.....

one thing my therapist asked me to put some time thinking about goes something like 'so you get to the end of whatever your transition might be, and you don't look quite like you thought you would. you're less than perfect.. how would it feel'.

The quick in-appointment answer was easy. I am 5 11, 215 and dropping.. bald-ish. 57. and hey don't we all need to worry about how we look as we age? I am pretty realistic. I don't see "looks" as a show stopper.


Of course I am trying to be thoughtful. So I've put a fair amount of effort into the question, from a few angles. Quick answers can be bad answers. Yet the answer kept coming back as  yeah-looks-matter-but-no-they-don't. Then I realized something pretty good-- when I look at pics and avatars posted here pretty much everyone deep into transition or transitioned looks capital H Happy.

As I've said.. despite my wife's continued non-support/open hostility.. I am in a real good place. Patiently waiting for my next session..


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Pammie

Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #121 on: November 01, 2021, 03:03:38 pm »
Homework. Part 1.

SO.....

one thing my therapist asked me to put some time thinking about goes something like 'so you get to the end of whatever your transition might be, and you don't look quite like you thought you would. you're less than perfect.. how would it feel'.

The quick in-appointment answer was easy. I am 5 11, 215 and dropping.. bald-ish. 57. and hey don't we all need to worry about how we look as we age? I am pretty realistic. I don't see "looks" as a show stopper.


Of course I am trying to be thoughtful. So I've put a fair amount of effort into the question, from a few angles. Quick answers can be bad answers. Yet the answer kept coming back as  yeah-looks-matter-but-no-they-don't. Then I realized something pretty good-- when I look at pics and avatars posted here pretty much everyone deep into transition or transitioned looks capital H Happy.

As I've said.. despite my wife's continued non-support/open hostility.. I am in a real good place. Patiently waiting for my next session..
You really are doing so well and you have hit the nail on the head! H A P P Y as the song goes! Xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #122 on: November 02, 2021, 08:01:26 am »
Homework Part 2-

Second item on my therapist's list was to seriously think out my support network-- offline, real life.

Big Gulp.

As in reach out to a few more people, albeit discretely at this point. I am out to a few more people, even if they are far removed and outside my normal social circles. Think former co-workers.  My wife knows I am generally in contact with people from previous jobs, so I don't feel like I've broken a boundary. I have laid some groundwork for later on. A small start and nothing to really brag on. Just another step on the road.

Oh.. as an aside, I am surprised neither really was truly-madly-deeply surprised.

Have I mentioned I really like my therapist? I am really impressed she has asked me to think about this kind of thing.  I have a vague sort of plan for the next 5 or 6 months, and I plan on running it by her in our next session. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline Rachel Montgomery

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 932
  • Reputation: +16/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #123 on: November 02, 2021, 12:36:36 pm »
I was going to offer some advice, but ya' know what?  I haven't come out to 5 people, and I haven't transitioned at all.  I don't have any experience with what you are being asked to do.  Therefore, I will simply say that I appreciate your sharing here, and I wish you the best.



Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #124 on: November 03, 2021, 05:01:22 pm »
I was going to offer some advice, but ya' know what?  I haven't come out to 5 people, and I haven't transitioned at all.  I don't have any experience with what you are being asked to do.  Therefore, I will simply say that I appreciate your sharing here, and I wish you the best.

In fairness to my therapist.. I probably went farther than "just think about it". But feel comfortable and justified doing so.  For now, I just have shared something with friends. No more. No less.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #125 on: November 10, 2021, 08:47:06 pm »
I am celebrating my 100th post on site with wonderful news!

My therapist is recommending me for HRT!! She will be writing a letter.

Much Much more to come soon.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Online Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 40,808
  • Reputation: +88/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #126 on: November 10, 2021, 10:43:08 pm »
@jennifer7020
Dear Jenn:
Wow-Whee !!! 
Terrific news regarding being recommended by your Therapist for HRT.
Please keep me and the rest of your followers updated as things progress.

Again, this is great news, I am so very happy for you.
HUGS and best wishes in your journey.
Danielle

 
I am celebrating my 100th post on site with wonderful news!

My therapist is recommending me for HRT!! She will be writing a letter.

Much Much more to come soon.
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #127 on: November 11, 2021, 01:07:49 pm »
@jennifer7020
Dear Jenn:
Wow-Whee !!! 
Terrific news regarding being recommended by your Therapist for HRT.
Please keep me and the rest of your followers updated as things progress.

Again, this is great news, I am so very happy for you.
HUGS and best wishes in your journey.
Danielle


Thank You!

Wow-Whee about says it all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #128 on: November 11, 2021, 01:48:24 pm »
One day later I still feel great. I thought I'd spend a moment to walk through my thinking. In the few months I've been here I feel I've learned a lot from reading. Maybe someone will find my path helpful.

I've written about my wife's hostility since I came out to her two months ago. I've tried to work through what I hear with my therapist. I've been doing sessions  every third week, which for me worked out as a good time. It gave me enough space to work out thoughts without being overwhelmed.

Back up to the mid-October session a moment. I realize now it was the first time I'd said to my therapist "I am a woman". I'd used the words "I am trans" until then. Small change. Huge difference. To me anyway. I've blogged before about that session being wonderful and affirming. Maybe for the first time I realized and accepted who I am.

Between sessions, lots of -er- words with my wife. "D and R" is how phrased it to my therapist. My wife repeatedly told me of her disgust and revulsion. In anger from anxiety. In calm moments when I tried to open a dialogue.


When I pulled it apart in therapy I didn't feel hurt or angry. In some way I get it-- I am 57 and have known all my life. I think the word is 'free'. If I am 'D and R'.. then why am I spending so much energy trying to make it right? I went on.. I'd had no hope of acceptance from my wife. I had a little hope she'd tolerate. What I got was not even acknowledgment. My wife insists the marriage only works if how I am is ignored. Speaking to my wife about how I am or what is going on is impossible. I get an earful of "d and r".

My therapist and I walked through the calls we've had together. My therapist is surprised I live at home still. Not to mention she thinks I've offered a lot of compromises and received none back. I've tried giving up who I am for two months. Not working.

I told my therapist I am trying to do right. Make sure this is me. Do nothing from anger. Try hard. Ha! even try fake-it-until-you-make-it.  I asked her for my letter.  Its there for when I want it.


I want to be thoughtful. She approves me wanting to find a endocrinologist now and go in January. Give wife and kids (all in their 20s) a good holiday season. Give me time to work up the talk. get ready. "new year, new me" is the slogan.

I feel wonderful. Lots of work in the days, weeks, and months ahead. Yet I feel like I have a good emotional base in place.

thanks for the listen gentle reader.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #129 on: November 12, 2021, 09:51:38 am »

First round of emails sent to potential endocrinologists. I'd make calls but there are painters and chaos in my house.

Excitement level.. high.
Fear-factor.. just a little. nerves more than fear.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #130 on: November 17, 2021, 09:28:00 am »
Call Made.. part 1.

Made the call to register and get my first appointment with endocrinology.  Excitement and opportunity outweighed any nerves.

I am registered and waiting my call back to get a date. I hope for early January next year. While I want to start, I also want to get thru the holidays for a lot of reasons. From mundane navigating healthcare and medical records, to the more complicated it'll likely end my marriage.  There are a few more but that's the broad outline.

Regardless.. I await my call back with lots of anticipation and excitement.


Edited note-- I have had my doctor since the mid-80s. I am in the midst of registering and figuring out whom to elect as a primary care provider.. and making appointments. stay tuned but the process is slow and painful. At least I think I know who to call and ask for tomorrow. fail today.

« Last Edit: November 17, 2021, 02:59:55 pm by jennifer7020 »
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #131 on: November 18, 2021, 09:41:46 am »
Call Made.. Part 2!

A pair of calls to my insurance provider. A few calls to the place I am putting my care into.. a little more reading on their website..

and

I have appointment number 1 to begin the process of getting to HRT, from a clinical point of view. Early January! My schedule and their schedule were in sync. My therapist is already writing the letter.


and

I feel giddy like a child.


a few points I notice --
    -- If I had any hesitation about how I identify, its gone. A half-dozen calls of "Hi! I am trying to schedule my first appointment with  trans-care..." pretty much erased any hesitation or shyness. It felt really good to be saying that.

    -- My first mis-naming and correection. I am using a very very friendly clinic. Initial intake included my legal name and my preferred name. Plus an explanation of why they need to use legal at times. No big deal. Well.. on one call someone accidentally called me by my legal name, then profusely apologized for it. A good first for me. very very good

    -- notes to self.. all the health care paperwork is going to be worth the hassle. one step of a thousand.  don't let the little annoying stuff get me down..

anyway, I feel like a giddy kid. really happy and relieved its done.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Online Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 40,808
  • Reputation: +88/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #132 on: November 18, 2021, 10:04:25 am »
@jennifer7020
Dear Jenn:
Thank you for sharing your very good news update.
It seems that everything is coming together for you.
    Starting HRT will be one of the main items in your transition journey.

I especially like the last part of your update posting:
                        "I feel giddy like a child."
          ```````
          "a few points I notice -"


It is such a wonderful feeling to not have any hesitation about how you identify.

I like how the mis-naming and correction was handled at the clinic.
As you continue on in your journey this will be happening less and less.

Thank you for keeping me and the rest of your followers updated with your frequent
posts here on your Blog and around the various threads.

HUGS, and wishing you success and happiness.
Danielle


Call Made.. Part 2!

A pair of calls to my insurance provider. A few calls to the place I am putting my care into.. a little more reading on their website..

and

I have appointment number 1 to begin the process of getting to HRT, from a clinical point of view. Early January! My schedule and their schedule were in sync. My therapist is already writing the letter.


and

I feel giddy like a child.


a few points I notice --
    -- If I had any hesitation about how I identify, its gone. A half-dozen calls of "Hi! I am trying to schedule my first appointment with  trans-care..." pretty much erased any hesitation or shyness. It felt really good to be saying that.

    -- My first mis-naming and correection. I am using a very very friendly clinic. Initial intake included my legal name and my preferred name. Plus an explanation of why they need to use legal at times. No big deal. Well.. on one call someone accidentally called me by my legal name, then profusely apologized for it. A good first for me. very very good

    -- notes to self.. all the health care paperwork is going to be worth the hassle. one step of a thousand.  don't let the little annoying stuff get me down..

anyway, I feel like a giddy kid. really happy and relieved its done.
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #133 on: November 23, 2021, 12:22:43 pm »

I have mixed emotions about my first medical appointment towards HRT. It remains an incredible feeling and waiting until January is going to be tough. On the other side, I am rethinking if it really minimizes my non-supportive wife's pain to put off telling her until after the holidays. I am happy to have therapy next week to talk about my emotions. I'll probably write more about how I feel after thanksgiving.

Having said that...

As I ponder what I am thankful for this year (its an American kind of thanksgiving thing to do)... I am incredibly and profoundly grateful to have stumbled in here. I am thankful for all the shared stories and for those that read mine.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #134 on: November 30, 2021, 12:28:56 pm »
All things considered I am happy to have a therapy session tomorrow. I have a lot of conflict about the choices I've made. Talking things out and staying grounded are good things.

mmm

On the one hand, I remain happy and excited about my first medical appointment in January. I am amazed at how easy the calls were. I can't wait to get to endocrinology..

On the other hand, I decided to not tell my wife just yet. She is beyond non-supportive, she is openly hostile. Her hostility, ironically, led me to make appointments while continuing to try and break her shell of hostility. We have good moments punctuated by arguments ranging from derogatory to the inane. I find myself in daily discussions ranging from her disgust at the thought of me in a dress or with nails done to the inane "sit vs. stand to pee" talk. Yes, you read that correctly.

I wonder a lot about a clean break now. Or if my decision tree is right. Or if I am doing the right thing.  I find myself telling 1/2 truths, fibs, and outright lies to calm her at times. I dislike myself accordingly. I feel guilt about the choice to get thru the holidays. I am trying to sort through the mix love and resentment. I love my wife. I resent her lack of compromise. I wonder if she knows how dysphoria has really turned up a notch lately, to me its hard to not see it. I resent that any discussion of me turns into me being berated.

I'll be fair-- I was the one who kept me from my wife for 35+ years. I get her anxiety. I even know her well enough to realize her anxiety manifests as anger. Anger in turns the garbage that comes out of her mouth. I get it.. even if I don't like it. Yeah, when called on it she acknowledges it.

like I said.. therapy is a good thing to stay grounded for me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #135 on: December 02, 2021, 07:39:08 am »
Sure enough, a long chat with my therapist does wonders for my psyche and staying grounded.

I remain giddy about medical appointment number one in early January. No two ways about it. I reviewed my decision tree because I have the luxury of being able to pick where I get my care from. Ultimately I chose "Fenway Health", as much for it being a very very safe space with multiple support groups and systems as for the quality of care.  Or as I deadpanned to my therapist "not sure walking thru <big hospital> with a purse would feel as safe." She got a good laugh. I am pleased my therapist knows people at fenway health and is looking forward to writing a letter for me.

mmmm home life. Yeah. We spent a lot of time talking about choices, strategies. What I say and don't say.  Home life is not good. I've decided "not supportive" is the wrong description; my wife's hostile to me being a woman. Period. I am in survival mode, quietly making sure I have what I need in place if and when things blow up. I am working out what to say to my wife. How I will let the kids know. I've committed to letting my mother in on me early next year.  I am starting to understand things I have read in other blogs-- "she changed the locks and in hindsight it was a good thing." I feel good in a detached way--  I can say I've given my all for finding a compromise. or an outlet. Ultimately my wife refuses to acknowledge me, which I find painful to no end. Ultimately the disagreement my wife and I have is that she thinks I am broken and need to be fixed. Sorry, her words. I am not broken. I don't need to be fixed.  I like how I am.. and yeah, I feel really well grounded today.

off to work
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline Rachel Montgomery

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 932
  • Reputation: +16/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #136 on: December 02, 2021, 08:51:26 am »
[my wife] thinks I am broken and need to be fixed. Sorry, her words. I am not broken. I don't need to be fixed.  I like how I am.. and yeah, I feel really well grounded today.

If I have misunderstood you, I am sorry.

I believe that I get what you are saying. 

The truth (for me in my life) from my perspective is, I spent the vast majority of my life pretty broken, fairly messed up.   Being trans has played a major role in me feeling torn up, but more than anything it was my rejection of myself and my hate of myself that made me a very troubled person and too often an unhappy person. 

There is no known "fix" for being transgender, and I think you both recognize that as a fact and simultaneously don't see being trans as any sort of "broken".  I am not 100% of the way there, but I have made significant progress in learning to accept and love myself for who I am.  Who I am includes being trans, but I don't feel defined by it.  There is a lot more to me than that.  It just seems to effect everything else and it certainly seems that my coming out would have a big effect on my relations.  For the better?  Maybe.  I can't see a way that it would improve my marriage, but I suppose it might make me a more genuine and open person.  So much of my life is role playing.  It is exhausting.

Regardless, I was certainly broken and needing repair a few years ago.  And, the repair I needed was largely if not entirely internal (emotional, spiritual, and intellectual).  So, without knowing you (perhaps I am projecting too much), you may well have been broken and in need of repair for some time.  But, I believe she misapprehends what sort of repair you need.  The sort of help she wants you to get -- I don't think exists.  And, at this point, I doubt you would want it if it did.

I think you may have crossed the event horizon.  At this point, it seems that you are irresistibly drawn to transition.  You seem to have exhausted potential compromises, and none have worked.  For her part, your wife sounds to be unwilling to give at all. 

I don't know your situation, but that seems to be what you are describing.  Therefore, onward, Godspeed, and best wishes on your journey.  I think it is about to be a bumpy, but very interesting ride.  And, I am pulling for you to get to happiness on the other side of the trip.

<3
Rachel

Online JamieH

  • *
  • Posts: 238
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #137 on: December 02, 2021, 12:17:26 pm »
Oh Jenn, it looks like you have a very exciting end to the year, albeit with some sadness overshadowing things.  Our wives seem so different yet the outcome seems very similar.  Likely facing a choice between transition and staying in the marriage.  It's not a fun place to find oneself but I'm happy for you that you've nailed down your identity and are taking steps towards happiness.   


Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #138 on: December 03, 2021, 07:01:56 am »
If I have misunderstood you, I am sorry.

I believe that I get what you are saying. 

The truth (for me in my life) from my perspective is, I spent the vast majority of my life pretty broken, fairly messed up.   Being trans has played a major role in me feeling torn up, but more than anything it was my rejection of myself and my hate of myself that made me a very troubled person and too often an unhappy person. 

There is no known "fix" for being transgender, and I think you both recognize that as a fact and simultaneously don't see being trans as any sort of "broken".  I am not 100% of the way there, but I have made significant progress in learning to accept and love myself for who I am.  Who I am includes being trans, but I don't feel defined by it.  There is a lot more to me than that.  It just seems to effect everything else and it certainly seems that my coming out would have a big effect on my relations.  For the better?  Maybe.  I can't see a way that it would improve my marriage, but I suppose it might make me a more genuine and open person.  So much of my life is role playing.  It is exhausting.

Regardless, I was certainly broken and needing repair a few years ago.  And, the repair I needed was largely if not entirely internal (emotional, spiritual, and intellectual).  So, without knowing you (perhaps I am projecting too much), you may well have been broken and in need of repair for some time.  But, I believe she misapprehends what sort of repair you need.  The sort of help she wants you to get -- I don't think exists.  And, at this point, I doubt you would want it if it did.

I think you may have crossed the event horizon.  At this point, it seems that you are irresistibly drawn to transition.  You seem to have exhausted potential compromises, and none have worked.  For her part, your wife sounds to be unwilling to give at all. 

I don't know your situation, but that seems to be what you are describing.  Therefore, onward, Godspeed, and best wishes on your journey.  I think it is about to be a bumpy, but very interesting ride.  And, I am pulling for you to get to happiness on the other side of the trip.

<3
Rachel

Part of being trans is that words fail us or mean different things to us. There aren't really good words, in english anyway, to convey the sensations, emotions, feelings.

I deeply appreciate and support what you are saying Rachel. Broke is a funny word I s'pose. In the context my wife uses it, admitting I am a transwoman is shameful, something to be 'cured'.  I don't feel broken in that use of the word. I keep asking my wife not to use phrases like that-- that I am broken, I need to be fixed or cured, that I am disgusting or revolting.  Like you, there have been times I have felt broken. I know this isn't one of them. Same as I know I am a pretty good person who is increasingly a peace with my choices.

I don't quite think I am at 'inevitable' for transition. I promised myself to evaluate my feelings at every step. So far so good.. we'll see in January.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Offline jennifer7020

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 185
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jenn's Journey
« Reply #139 on: December 03, 2021, 07:10:38 am »
Oh Jenn, it looks like you have a very exciting end to the year, albeit with some sadness overshadowing things.  Our wives seem so different yet the outcome seems very similar.  Likely facing a choice between transition and staying in the marriage.  It's not a fun place to find oneself but I'm happy for you that you've nailed down your identity and are taking steps towards happiness.

Jamie! it is good to see you online and posting. I am a part of your fan club (which you know)!

I am starting to think marriage and transition are decoupled. Sigh. Scroll up and note the best I get is silence, the worst is cap-H Hostile. I'll say no more for now then it is hard to live with and I am spending some therapy time working it out. My own parents were divorced when I was 8 or so; they botched everything they could about raising me n my sibs. I am a divorce-phobe...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes
And I knew, without askin', she was into the blues
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls

Tags: