Author Topic: Do you tell someone upfront your trans? When they give you that awkward look??  (Read 718 times)

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Offline Rebecca28

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Ladies,

When you meet some one for the first time and introduce yourself to someone. When they look at you like there’s no way your Rebecca.

Do you come out and say hey I am trans and am transitioning??

Just be upfront so it’s not uncomfortable?

OR just say <forget> it and be the amazing woman you are and let them figure it out?  Or find that oooh so uncomfortable way to ask??

I have run into this a couple of times recently. I realize people don’t need a history lesson or to know as far as I am concerned. But the couple of times I was just upfront after things got awkward.

Any advice is appreciated.
 
Hugs Rebecca

« Last Edit: July 03, 2021, 08:20:12 pm by Rakel »

Online Pammie

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Ladies,

When you meet some one for the first time and introduce yourself to someone. When they look at you like there’s no way your Rebecca.

Do you come out and say hey I am trans and am transitioning??

Just be upfront so it’s not uncomfortable?

OR just say <forget> it and be the amazing woman you are and let them figure it out?  Or find that oooh so uncomfortable way to ask??

I have run into this a couple of times recently. I realize people don’t need a history lesson or to know as far as I am concerned. But the couple of times I was just upfront after things got awkward.

Any advice is appreciated.
 
Hugs Rebecca
That’s such a tough one isn’t it! I tend to favour F.K. it and let them ask or live without.
I have to say at this stage (4 years in) I don’t anticipate this occurring any more.


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« Last Edit: July 03, 2021, 08:35:45 pm by Rakel »

Offline Nadine Spirit

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It depends.  If I am meeting someone that I really have no intentions of becoming friends with or hanging out with all that much then I say nothing and let them think whatever they want to think.  If I am interested in getting to know someone better I will generally offer up my status as a transgender human.  Typically I prefer if I initiate that conversation.

Offline KateR

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I never address it unless I’m in a situation where some type of legal signature is going to be involved.

I’m Kate!  Period!


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Kate

Offline Lady Sarah

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If I am meeting someone and need to tell them my name, no problem. I never discuss gender issues with anybody unless it is their business to know., and that is a rarity.
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Offline Maid Marion

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No, the topic is too complicated to explain.  I just let them guess.

It used to be common when I presented male and looked female.

Now that I've grown out my hair and wear nicely fitting female clothes I rarely have issues.

A long time co-worker who retired a few months ago recently commented that he liked my hair, which is now reaches the the middle of my back.  He is no longer phased by my painted pink nails.

Marion

Offline Sephirah

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Ladies,

When you meet some one for the first time and introduce yourself to someone. When they look at you like there’s no way your Rebecca.

Do you come out and say hey I am trans and am transitioning??

Just be upfront so it’s not uncomfortable?

OR just say <forget> it and be the amazing woman you are and let them figure it out?  Or find that oooh so uncomfortable way to ask??

I have run into this a couple of times recently. I realize people don’t need a history lesson or to know as far as I am concerned. But the couple of times I was just upfront after things got awkward.

Any advice is appreciated.
 
Hugs Rebecca

It depends wholly on the person. Who they are, their circumstances, their personality, and the people they're interacting with, hon. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. It's something you really have to play by ear and judge for yourself based on the situation you find yourself in.

I can't transition, so if I have any hope of anyone ever gendering me correctly I have to go out of my way to explain the whole thing to them (or they see me from behind, lol). And usually watch their eyes glass over in boredom, ignorance, or a lovely little cocktail of the two. A lot of folks are like "Okay, stop talking now, I don't care. I'm going to... go over there now. Bye!" But some people are cool with it.

Doesn't stop me from doing it though, lol. Because... well... sometimes you have to take every chance you can to be yourself. When you can. If people don't want to get me, they're not people I need in my life. It's that simple.

But that's just me. And I don't recommend, or advocate that other people be like me. Be like YOU. Do what feels right to you in the situation. Try to get a feel for conversations and the kind of people you're talking to. That will make it easier. Use your intuition, sweetie. It's what we are famous for. ;D

One thing I will say is this: telling someone you're trans doesn't mean telling them you aren't your realised gender. It's giving them context to understand. One doesn't negate the other. If the need arises to tell someone that you're transitioning then the important thing to understand is that you're going through a process to come out the other side as YOU. It's change, it's not a static thing. At the end of this process you will be who you see inside you. It's just a journey you take, like any other in your life. It's like telling someone you're between jobs, or moving house. It's a state of transition, literally. And I think most, if not all people, are transitioning in some form or other in their lives. Most just aren't as... a part of the conversation.

Anyway, that's my two pence (cents?).

*hugs*
« Last Edit: July 03, 2021, 08:36:50 pm by Rakel »

Offline Evienne

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See this is a problem I've just avoided for a long time by simply not meeting new people. It has 100% effective success rate. :p

I mean in reality though I'd judge it by a case by case setting. I don't think I'm in a position where someone wouldn't know if we started to get to know each other. I don't think I need to explain it, but I'm definitely willing. Why let the person live in ignorance? But like I said, case by case. If it's just a random person I'm speaking to, I don't say anything. If the person is like flirting with me, I'm gonna say something right there, but that requires meeting people to happen and I don't do that :p
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Offline Angelaney

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I quite often feel the need to explain myself, I don't like doing it, but I don't want people to associate me with the stuff they see plastered all over the TV and social media.

Offline borntrans

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I've told some people I see almost every week but for people I don't know too well I would rather get to know them more before telling them. When I start dating I will tell them on the first date so I don't get my time wasted or start falling for someone who will reject me lol
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Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

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