Author Topic: "First Time" Fears - Advice?  (Read 1123 times)

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Offline thelittlemermaid

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"First Time" Fears - Advice?
« on: July 18, 2021, 06:26:26 pm »
Hey all,

I will be 2 years post-op vaginoplasty in late September and have been in a serious relationship a bit longer than that. While my boyfriend and I regularly have other forms of sex, we only had slight vaginal intercourse once (six months post-op) due to the fact that I am afraid of being too tight for him (he's on the large side, basically the orange dilator in girth but around 7-8 inches) and even stopped dilating for quite a long time due to the pressure I put on myself (trust me, I feel guilty and take full responsibility for both of these things). I am back to dilating and thankfully have not lost depth - however I am still always having to start off with either the purple or blue one. I'm so thankful he's been so patient with me and we very much want to conquer this soon.

Since the first time was so long ago, it feels like this will be our actual first time. Besides dilating beforehand, if anyone has any advice on relaxing the canal/muscles, pain prevention/calming my nerves that I'm too tight for him, I would heavily appreciate it!

Offline warlockmaker

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2021, 07:37:20 am »
I remember the first time I had vaginal sex. I was worried I was too tight and before sex I went to the bathroom with my dilator and a big vibrating dildo. I was in the bathroom for 15 minutes and he kept knocking on the door. I came up with some lame excuse. We had sex, he came but I didnt. Guess too much preparation spoiled my mood.

Now 6 years later I have my solution. Guys love watching us masturbate so use your big vibrating dildo and have him play with it. It worked for me, maybe try this approach. BTW I also use 3 fingers in my vagina to widen the entrance if its a big penis. Good luck.
When we first start our journey the perception and moral values all dramatically change in wonderment. As we evolve further it all becomes normal again but the journey has changed us forever.

SRS January 21st,  2558 (Buddhist calander), 2015

Offline big kim

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2021, 04:00:27 pm »
I waited 5&1/2 years!

Offline Rachel

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2021, 09:07:38 pm »
Hi, I have been with some large and wide guys. I really like them because it really puts pressure on my G spot. I would recommend a good amount of lube. I have used a 2 inch toy. I take it slow and after warm up. Orange is 1.5 inches in diameter so if you have depth and 1.5 inches then you should be fine. The penis will alter in shape a bit.

Have him lube (you too). I use Surge Lube. All woman at play arties use lube. Have him go slow. Have him enter very slowly. 

Rachel
MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas FemLar 10/13/2020
Dr. Thomas laser vocal procedure 2/17/2021

Offline big kim

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2021, 02:22:39 am »
I can recommend reverse cowgirl for the well endowed!

Offline Rachel

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2021, 02:44:11 pm »
Why reverse cowgirl? I love cowgirl but never did reverse cowgirl.
MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas FemLar 10/13/2020
Dr. Thomas laser vocal procedure 2/17/2021

Offline big kim

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2021, 03:41:56 pm »
It fitted better reverse cowgirl!

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2021, 07:59:12 pm »
Perhaps most positions, with the right person, are good!   :)
Some may be more comfortable than others.

I wish you the best of results.

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

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Offline pretty pauline

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2021, 06:15:01 pm »

 I'm so thankful he's been so patient with me and we very much want to conquer this soon.

Since the first time was so long ago, it feels like this will be our actual first time. Besides dilating beforehand, if anyone has any advice on relaxing the canal/muscles, pain prevention/calming my nerves that I'm too tight for him, I would heavily appreciate it!
I think you've have the battle won, a bonus having an understanding boyfriend and having the right partner.
It was 14 months after my SRS I had vaginal intercourse with my boyfriend for the first time, I was so nervous and anxious he'd do damage, all penises are big when erect, I asked him to be slow and gentle and he was, it hurt a little the first few times, after the first time,  he kissed me and whispered in my ear ''well worth the wait sweetie'' that was nice to hear.
Now married 11 years, I still get anxious before sex with my husband, we take it slowly, he spreads lube on his hand and fingers, then inserts his fingers into my vagina, then his penis when I'm ready to receive, he actually loves the tightness of my vagina, he relaxes me when I'm feeling anxious, he's very patient with me, it will work out for you, sounds like you have a patient boyfriend, don't worry about your vagina being tight, some guys love a tight vagina, in fact cis women are getting surgery to tighten the vagina particular after child birth and our (neovagina) is naturally tight.
If your going thru hell, just keep going.

Offline noleen111

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2021, 03:14:34 pm »
I think its normal to be nervous the first time, it a big moment in a woman's life.

I remember I was nervous as well that first time having vaginal sex, i was about 7 months post op. The guy never knew I was trans (It was suppose to a one night stand), so I just told him I had surgery down there, a few months back so he must be gentle. He was very gentle, and it was a very nice experience, I did have a small orgasm and he obviously had one. he actually mentioned afterward he loved how tight I was.

But I also found out that night, I am not good at one night stands, as I ended up marrying that guy. He now knows my past, he told me that he would never had guessed and he would love to meet the doctor that gave me the best vagina he had ever experienced.
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was

Offline Karen_A

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Re: "First Time" Fears - Advice?
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2021, 10:31:43 am »
I have no advice, just wistfulness...

I very much wanted to be desired as woman by  man who saw me only as a woman and and be made love to passionately that way... Because I stayed married from "before" ( and even if I had not there are looks and passibility issues), though this month I will be 22 years post-op, I never had that experience and likely never will.

Life is all about priorities, compromises, responsibilities and dealing with realities... which means some things one wants a lot just don't fit in.

-Karen

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