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Why does writing a post make me so anxious?

LOL well hello people, I'm a 46 year old beastly (male?) that has been hiding in the closet my whole life. My whole life has been traumatic. Sexually, physically and mentally abused as a child. My mother died when I was 5 and my first wife died when I was 23 with which I was given a beautiful daughter. I have not been the parent that she deserved and have not been in her life much. I say that to say she has absolutely no idea of any of this. I'm currently married 7 years now to an amazing women and we have 2 beautiful daughters 6 and 5 years old. Our 6 year old is autistic which while it has been a challenge it is also likely the vehicle that has allowed me to start viewing the world differently and has forced me to do a lot of introspection.

So yeah we have quite the stew going on in our house. After 7 years my wife and myself basically both came out to each other. She is trying to sort thru her identity and seems to be an "ACE" (please forgive any improper wording on my part). I basically don't know what label to put on myself, but opened up about my desire to explore my female side. I have a lot of confusion due to my childhood trauma. I virtually have no memory of my first 10 years. I can remember right around of before puberty stealing my sisters and aunts panties and nightgowns. I want to say I was caught wearing them by my at that time guardian grandmother which was an extremely angry and verbally abusive woman lol. My wife asked me last night, "if you where passible do you think would transition?" I said that I thought that I would. I assume she is rightly a little a confused and freaked out about it, but has been nothing but supportive. We also do live in a very conservative part of the country which has its obvious influences. But yeah I'm sure you can see how our "identities" are challenging to support each other with. I think on the up side it does give us the ability to better empathize with each other though. I think we are doing a fantastic job with it so far, but it's only been a few weeks. Deep down I'm pretty sure we have both known much longer than that though.

So yeah <transgender>? cross dresser? damaged by childhood abuse? I dunno......

I feel that I likely overshared. I'm not looking for a hug....although hugs are nice. I shared it basically because it's a big part of my confusion and thought maybe someone may have had similar experiences or insight.

Freaked out, lost and overwhelmed lol absolutely

Northern Star Girl:
Dear KaryKray
    Please know that I am not trying to hijack your post and what you have shared but first I wish to Officially Welcome YOU to Susan's Place.
    I noticed that you had signed up as a member of Susan's Place recently today and that you have submitted your first posting.

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you wrote about.
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
    There are informational and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
Things that you should readSite Terms of Service & Rules to Live ByStandard Terms & DefinitionsPost Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)Cautionary NoteReputation rulesNews posting & quoting guidelinesPhoto, avatars, & signature images policyMembership Agreement

Kary, welcome to Susan's Place!

What you say isn't as important as simply saying something. Life is a journey of discovery, and by saying something you have taken that first, most difficult step on your journey. Few of us know exactly where our journey will take us, and sometimes we must adjust our course, but we are at least moving somewhere. Don't be concerned about labels, don't try to fit into someone else's definition, just be yourself.

Even though you weren't asking for one, have a big (((((HUG)))))!!!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Maid Marion:
Hi Kary,


I wouldn't worry to much about finding the right "box" to fit in.  Some of us are sufficiently unique that none of the boxes fit.


Battle Goddess:
Hey, Kary. Welcome.

Have no fear, you've come nowhere near oversharing. Go ahead and read my introductory post if you like.


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