Author Topic: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)  (Read 15572 times)

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Offline JamieH

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #320 on: January 25, 2022, 12:07:59 pm »
This is all fantastic news, Jamie!  I'm really proud of you for taking that next step.

How is this all playing out with the wife?  For me the 1-2 month lead-up to HRT was really tough, then got a lot better as soon as I started.  We've definitely had some ups and downs since then, but I'd say it's 80% good...

I think Spiro gets a bad rap... I don't have any of the side effects that people seem to be really worried about.  It seems to be working like a charm as well.  I think that you have to get your estrogen levels REALLY high consistently in order to make monotherapy work.  I'm pretty sure you have done your homework, but I believe you need to do injections every 4-5 days in order to avoid the troughs.  I'm definitely no expert...

~Sara

Thanks Sara.  Things seem ok with the wife.  This appointment was a combo of finding a new primary care doc and getting some info on medical transition.  I told my wife after the call that HRT was the majority of what we talked about and my wife didn't bat an eye.  I think she's seen it coming for a while. 

Regarding Spiro, I've been weary of it simply bc I know it's a diuretic and I already have some kidney stuff  going on so am a little worried about taking a drug that may overburden the kidneys.  The doctor said it can work with my lisinopril to protect the kidneys so we'll see.  As for the patch, not what I want but from what I see online most people don't start with injections anyway.  I guess she's worried bc I smoke cigars with the increased risk of blood clots/stroke/heart attack.    I'm fine starting with patches but will push pretty hard to intramuscular injections after a month or so. 

It's impossible to convince a doctor that a few un-inhaled cigars a week is not even remotely in the same ballpark as a pack of cigs a day in terms of consistent serum nicotine levels so I'm going to cut down, but will tell her when I go back that I quit altogether.  Doctor's all shut their brains off at the word "tobacco". 

They called yesterday to schedule my next appt which won't be until 3/23 unfortunately, but the silver lining is that gives me 7 weeks to work on cleaning up my #s in advance of the blood work and get rid of some holiday poundage.

Anyway feeling pretty good, but do have some anxiety creeping back in.  I think it's just starting to feel more "real" again now that I'm seeing actual doctors so I'm just trying to tell myself some pre HRT anxiety is probably totally normal and that it's ok to feel feelings leading up to things like this.


Offline Nora Kay

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #321 on: January 29, 2022, 01:23:31 pm »
Aren’t you in so cal? I drive about an hour to see my endo and is the best decision I ever made. She is a specialist. And in Buena Park right off the 91. I plan on moving out of state. And I would fly back to see her if I had to. Since i get my E every 3 months, if the state we move to is only a day or 2 drive I would do that. I am sorry but someone who just has interests or some experience in trans health is not good enough for me. If you are closer to L.A. I know a specialist up there too. But he is male and I am not comfortable with that. She started me in injections and moved me to pellets a month after. I don’t smoke cigars but I smoked heavily at the time I started. Still a little now. But trying to quit completely. If my wife would quit I’d be done. Also I am not on Spiro. There are other medications besides Spiro. If there are any other medical conditions ( no matter how slight ) I fully recommend a specialist who knows how to navigate them. When I restarted HRT about a month ago, my appointment was 3 months out. But I told her that if there were any cancellations to call me and I would be there. I was in in 2 weeks. It all depends on what you want. I wanted breast growth and in 2 years before I quit I hit a large B Cup. And now only being back on HRT for just over a month I am a fully filled C Cup. I would at least do a phone consultation with her. 100% worth it.


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Offline TXSara

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #322 on: January 29, 2022, 01:43:55 pm »
Regarding Spiro, I've been weary of it simply bc I know it's a diuretic and I already have some kidney stuff  going on so am a little worried about taking a drug that may overburden the kidneys.

Totally understand.  Safety first, my friend!  Just make sure you aren't trading one risk for another, you know?  I just worry that in order to make monotherapy work, it'll take a heck of a lot of estradiol with pretty frequent injections.

It's impossible to convince a doctor that a few un-inhaled cigars a week is not even remotely in the same ballpark as a pack of cigs a day in terms of consistent serum nicotine levels so I'm going to cut down, but will tell her when I go back that I quit altogether.  Doctor's all shut their brains off at the word "tobacco". 

LOL.  True, but you can't blame them...

They called yesterday to schedule my next appt which won't be until 3/23 unfortunately, but the silver lining is that gives me 7 weeks to work on cleaning up my #s in advance of the blood work and get rid of some holiday poundage.

It gives you time to get your head right, too.  I found that really making sure I was ready mentally has been a great advantage.  You're going to start feeling A LOT.

~Sara

Offline JamieH

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #323 on: February 09, 2022, 02:02:54 pm »
Been a bit since I've checked in.  Not a ton going on.  Still feeling pretty certain about starting HRT in March when I see the doc.  Need to get some of my numbers in a better spot so been exercising more and eating a bit cleaner.  Sadly, the scale this morning called me fat.  Turns out (and who knew?) that even if you exercise and eat healthy meals, eating ice cream and cookies at night right before bed totally negates your effort.  Ugh.  I have such a sweet tooth that I can ignore forever if sweets aren't around.  With 2 kids though, my wife is always buying cookies and stuff and I'm weak....So today I'm resolving to get it together and really clean it up.  I know going on E and losing muscle mass is going to make losing weight harder without getting the diet right so now's the time.

For Christmas my wife and I decided to just give ourselves a spa day so I finally got around to booking mine.  Taking Friday off as a mental health day and going to the Four Seasons to pamper myself with a French tip mani/pedi and 90 min massage.  Simply cannot wait for a day of self indulgence and relaxation.

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #324 on: February 15, 2022, 09:45:37 am »
Jamie, how are your work colleagues adapting to your new presentations?
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess

"When going through hell, best keep moving." -- Old & KIA

“Darling,” She said, “it doesn’t matter. You have only one choice. You can walk farther along the path or not. It is a narrow path. You may be scared about lifting your foot up to take your next step. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to step very far. It’s up to you.
"But all you get to do is choose. Your anxieties, your fears, your courage, your happiness, your rage: go ahead and feel them all you want. They don’t matter. What matters is what you choose.
“I can promise you a long and fascinating road. I’ll give you tools along the way. I’ll be with you every step.
“Now make your choice.” --  my beloved Battle Goddess

Offline JamieH

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #325 on: February 15, 2022, 01:21:27 pm »
Jamie, how are your work colleagues adapting to your new presentations?

still working from home so still closeted at work.

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #326 on: March 08, 2022, 11:48:57 am »
God, why can't I just be "normal"?  I hate this all, I really do.  I can't stand my body, the sight of it in the mirror, I can't imagine a satisfactory outcome on the other side of transition, can't even calculate the costs of all the stuff (hair removal, surgeries etc), I immensely dread the long androgynous transition phase while on HRT before I might even approach something like passing, worry about never passing...Ugh IDK, just venting.  I'd almost welcome nuclear WW3 if I'm in the vaporize zone.  Nice get out of life free card.

Yep. Been there, lived through that.

Keep smiling!  :D
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess

"When going through hell, best keep moving." -- Old & KIA

“Darling,” She said, “it doesn’t matter. You have only one choice. You can walk farther along the path or not. It is a narrow path. You may be scared about lifting your foot up to take your next step. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to step very far. It’s up to you.
"But all you get to do is choose. Your anxieties, your fears, your courage, your happiness, your rage: go ahead and feel them all you want. They don’t matter. What matters is what you choose.
“I can promise you a long and fascinating road. I’ll give you tools along the way. I’ll be with you every step.
“Now make your choice.” --  my beloved Battle Goddess

Offline JamieH

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #327 on: March 21, 2022, 01:19:21 pm »
I haven't posted here in a while.  Opened it a few times but closed before typing anything.  Been having a harder time than usual figuring out and communicating my feelings.  Anxiety and depression have been higher than normal but not off the charts.  Things on the homefront have been good overall.

I have my doctor appt on Wednesday where I assume I'll be prescribed HRT should I choose to do it.  I was pleasantly surprised with my recent bloodwork.  Recall I have some kidney concerns and my kidney function has apparently improved materially since my previous set of labs over 3 years ago.  Blood sugar and A1C prediabetic so not awesome there, but better than 3 years ago as well.  May be getting a second chance to reverse it before it turns to full blown diabetes.  Good wake up call to boost the workouts and diet a bit.  Cholesterol borderline high, but not significantly.  I'm assuming the doc will clear me for HRT and may try to push a statin on me.

Now that, as Jenn calls it "prescription day", is upon me I'm having a rush of feelings that are pretty mixed up.  Excitement, fear, uncertainty, certainty.  I can't even say in this moment if I'll slap a patch on or not.  Leaning toward yes, but then second guessing.  I was hoping to have more clarity by now, but it's remained a bit elusive.  I think I have identified that much of me fears are external, others' perceptions of me, social consequences etc rather than uncertainty about my womanhood, internally.  Still just kind of stuck in the thinking of 'well I've made it 41 years in this shell, maybe I can make it all the way', but there's a recognition that I'll never truly be happy in this body.

Oh well, lots to think about over the coming days.  I'll post an update after my appointment.

Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #328 on: March 21, 2022, 09:00:08 pm »
I haven't posted here in a while.  Opened it a few times but closed before typing anything.  Been having a harder time than usual figuring out and communicating my feelings.  Anxiety and depression have been higher than normal but not off the charts.  Things on the homefront have been good overall.

I have my doctor appt on Wednesday where I assume I'll be prescribed HRT should I choose to do it.  I was pleasantly surprised with my recent bloodwork.  Recall I have some kidney concerns and my kidney function has apparently improved materially since my previous set of labs over 3 years ago.  Blood sugar and A1C prediabetic so not awesome there, but better than 3 years ago as well.  May be getting a second chance to reverse it before it turns to full blown diabetes.  Good wake up call to boost the workouts and diet a bit.  Cholesterol borderline high, but not significantly.  I'm assuming the doc will clear me for HRT and may try to push a statin on me.

Now that, as Jenn calls it "prescription day", is upon me I'm having a rush of feelings that are pretty mixed up.  Excitement, fear, uncertainty, certainty.  I can't even say in this moment if I'll slap a patch on or not.  Leaning toward yes, but then second guessing.  I was hoping to have more clarity by now, but it's remained a bit elusive.  I think I have identified that much of me fears are external, others' perceptions of me, social consequences etc rather than uncertainty about my womanhood, internally.  Still just kind of stuck in the thinking of 'well I've made it 41 years in this shell, maybe I can make it all the way', but there's a recognition that I'll never truly be happy in this body.

Oh well, lots to think about over the coming days.  I'll post an update after my appointment.

Losing weight while on HRT will be hard.  Get a head start and go on the diet now.  :)

Offline TXSara

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #329 on: March 22, 2022, 07:25:57 pm »
Losing weight while on HRT will be hard.  Get a head start and go on the diet now.  :)

Too true!  I'm working my butt off, and that's just to maintain my current weight!  I can't imagine what kind of weight gains I'd be seeing if I didn't watch what I eat and practically live at the gym...

~Sara

Offline JamieH

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #330 on: March 24, 2022, 12:40:49 am »
Well....tonight I officially started HRT. 

Patch and spiro.  Labs in a few weeks to double check potassium levels.  My doc is fabulous.  Really liked her.  Will switch to injections after a few months if clean labs and we compromised on 1 cigar a week as I told her I'm not quitting.  It's not an addiction for me it's a pastime and she could appreciate that.  However she was pretty adamant that I need to keep it to a minimum and really wants me to quit altogether.

It felt good to be Jamie in a public setting without any weirdness or judgement.  All my forms and notes say Jamie/she etc and i really like seeing and hearing it.  I feel like this is a good step but I'm pretty emotionally charged tonight thinking about it all.  My wife says she proud of me.  But idk how the marriage will be as this progresses.  One day at a time. 

The office is right by Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills so I did a little window shopping after, people watching all the gazillionaires driving around in their rolls royces and lusting after the bags in the YSL window.  I realized wearing women's jeans that pockets are apparently purely decorative lol so this chick is gonna need a bag.  Maybe for Xmas one day lol. 

A bit weird filling the prescription.  At cvs the lady, after I said my name, looked at me and then the computer and then at me again and said loud enough for anyone within earshot to hear "are you expecting estradiol patch or is that an error?".  Once I said that yes in fact I was, she was professional and just had me wait a few mins for them to fill it. 

So I guess now we wait and see how things progress. 

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #331 on: March 24, 2022, 01:24:35 am »
@JamieH
Dear Jamie:
Wow Whee.... this is great news that you reported.   I am so very happy and excited for
you that you have officially started your HRT regimen. 

There is lots of information here on the forums that will help to answer many of your questions.
You might wish to check out the Hormone replacement therapy sub-forum and also a topic that will
give you a few likely answers of what and when you "might" expect.
                             Hormone replacement therapy
                           https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,42.0.html

                            MTF timeline for Hormone Replacement Therapy
               https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251312.msg2337372.html#msg2337372

I am wishing you success and happiness.  As you feel comfortable sharing I will be eagerly following
your updates and postings regarding your progress in your journey.

HUGS,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 42

Offline TXSara

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #332 on: March 24, 2022, 06:12:11 am »
It felt good to be Jamie in a public setting without any weirdness or judgement.  All my forms and notes say Jamie/she etc and i really like seeing and hearing it.  I feel like this is a good step but I'm pretty emotionally charged tonight thinking about it all.  My wife says she proud of me.  But idk how the marriage will be as this progresses.  One day at a time. 

That's fantastic, Jamie!  I'm proud of you as well!

I realized wearing women's jeans that pockets are apparently purely decorative lol so this chick is gonna need a bag.  Maybe for Xmas one day lol. 

Ain't THAT the truth.  My wife keeps saying, "Why don't you just switch over to women's jeans?  You wear skinny jeans anyway."  uhh, that's the reason.

~Sara

Offline jennifer7020

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #333 on: March 24, 2022, 06:57:00 am »
Great News Jamie!

wishing you happiness as you start the next step of transition. with a little work and luck I will be just a few months behind you.
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Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #334 on: March 24, 2022, 08:18:08 am »
Happy for you that you're finding yourself and have found yourself, Jamie! Proud of you, too, for how hard you've worked to be yourself. Truly is one fascinating road, ain't it?
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess

"When going through hell, best keep moving." -- Old & KIA

“Darling,” She said, “it doesn’t matter. You have only one choice. You can walk farther along the path or not. It is a narrow path. You may be scared about lifting your foot up to take your next step. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to step very far. It’s up to you.
"But all you get to do is choose. Your anxieties, your fears, your courage, your happiness, your rage: go ahead and feel them all you want. They don’t matter. What matters is what you choose.
“I can promise you a long and fascinating road. I’ll give you tools along the way. I’ll be with you every step.
“Now make your choice.” --  my beloved Battle Goddess

Offline JamieH

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #335 on: March 24, 2022, 04:59:53 pm »
Thanks for the responses and well wishes ladies.  Excited for the next phase of my journey (<- I'm thinking about banishing this word from my vocabulary lol.....The number of times I hear the words "journey" and "valid" in my therapy and couples therapy sessions has become too much :) )

Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #336 on: March 24, 2022, 05:26:20 pm »
Thanks for the responses and well wishes ladies.  Excited for the next phase of my journey (<- I'm thinking about banishing this word from my vocabulary lol.....The number of times I hear the words "journey" and "valid" in my therapy and couples therapy sessions has become too much :) )

I understand what you mean about the word “journey”.  I recoil a bit each time I see it or say it.  It’s sort cliché now.  But, words mean things.  And, synonyms never have exactly the same meaning.  It really is a descriptive word for what we experience.  So, I use it too (sparingly).  :)

Offline JamieH

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #337 on: March 28, 2022, 10:46:53 am »
Well, 5 days into riding the estrogen train.  I woke up today with a C cup, face of a super model, small waist and big hips.....oh wait no that was just my imagination.

It's hard to tell if I can feel anything or if it's placebo effect but I do feel like I have some sudden and hard to articulate mood changes.  Generally positive feeling but quite subtle.  I got a little teary eyed driving to work this morning listening to Taylor Swift and that's not normal at all for me.  Strangely also a slight increase in libido.  I'm only on a half dose of spiro til I get my potassium checked in a few weeks and then we'll go full dose so I think that will probably lower my libido. 

Wife has been cool, says she's proud of me and shared this development with her brother and friends who all seem supportive.....probably would have preferred if we kept it between us for a few weeks or a month but I'm not gonna give her any grief over using her support system. 

It was kind of funny, I put the patch on last wednesday before bed and when I talked to her first thing in the morning she's like "can you feel it?  Are you a girl now?"  then she added "jk I know you already are, but do you feel more like one"....I just laughed and said I don't think it works that fast unfortunately.

Next sources of major stress are telling my mom and brother that I've started.  My therapist asked when I planned to do that and I figure sooner rather than later but I need a few days maybe a few weeks to process it and settle with it before feeling obligated to tell anyone.  I'll see how I feel this weekend as I usually call them on Sat.

After that, the next real big worry is telling my wife's parents.  They have no idea and are coming to visit us in May for my son's birthday.  I really have no idea what my individual results/progress will be in 2 months, how noticeable anything will be etc so wife and I feel like we should get out ahead of it and get it over with.  I'm very much dreading it.


Online Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #338 on: March 28, 2022, 11:06:19 am »
It does take more than 5 days for some of us. Just yesterday, after five years of HRT, I finally realized that when I look in the mirror I only see Jessica. It took about three months of HRT for the voices in my head to begin fading away, and the sense of calmness slowly grew over time. Physical changes usually take a few months before they start becoming noticeable, but YMMV.

I lived nearly 1000 miles away from my extended family. I didn't tell them anything until a month or so after I went full-time. I didn't want to give them an opportunity to talk me out of it. I hope things continue to go well for you and your wife.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Offline Courtney G

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Re: Jamie's Leap of Faith (maybe?)
« Reply #339 on: March 28, 2022, 11:25:59 am »
Congratulations, Jamie, for taking the plunge. We'll be here with you, every step of the way!

I hope the patches work well for you. It took me a couple of days to figure out that the best place for mine was a spot that didn't stretch a lot while I was moving around. I chose the general area below my belly and they have all stayed put since the first couple.

I've read that the patches supposedly cause more rapid breast growth than other delivery methods but not necessarily *more* growth, so try not to be thrown off if you see some changes pretty quickly (in 3 months or less). Of course, we know that everyone responds differently.

I think it's wonderful that your wife was able to joke about the estrogen in your system. To me, that's a good sign. A sense of humor is a must, as we're in some weird territory by "conventional" standards. We (and the people we love) have to accept that what we're doing is going to seem crazy at times and to embrace the unusual.

The only suggestion I can make, since I'm new at this, too, is to give yourself a break from time to time. If you're like me, you're going to be watching, waiting and checking, wondering what's happening with your body and your mind, and you might be trying to stay one step ahead of things, analyzing, planning and problem-solving as a sort of preemptive strike. But it will be good for your spirit if you spend some time in the present, taking in the changes that occur and being mindful of them while trying not to worry too much about the future. I'm thinking that, like most of us, this is the puberty you've always dreamed of and it will pass by quicker than you think, so try to take time to enjoy it in all its manifestations. That's what I'm working on right now.

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