Community Conversation > Transitioning

Confused and need advice, I guess

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--- Quote from: steven1965 on September 08, 2021, 07:11:57 pm ---Sorry for the rambling. I'm male, 56, currently identifying as gay but really bisexual, I guess. Do these labels even matter, anymore? So, my problem is that I've spent my life wondering what it would be like to be a woman...

--- End quote ---

Good morning steven1965,

Getting back to your first concern, which is gender identity, you really must ask your self "How do I want to live the rest of my life?" This is a simple question, but it is not easy to answer for those of us who have a gender issue of any type.

There are many answers to this question and the best way to explore the possibilities are with professional counseling. Internet forums are useful for support and a sense of community, but there is no substitute for good quality conversations with a counslor trained in gender issues. This would be my first thing I would do before any physical changes are made.

Many of the other respondents are focusing on weight loss and this is important for many reasons, but you must resolve your primary issue first. How do you wish to live the rest of your life?

I am a 100+ pound loser. Before my transition, I was way overweight. I was eating for comfort, not because I was hungry. I prefer to go on a balanced diet of predominately vegetables, with some fresh fruit and small amounts of grains and meat. This has worked for me and no Dietician will ever find fault with my eating preferences.

With this being said, I noticed that this is your first post here on Susan's Place and we traditionally give our new members a Big Welcome.

We are a website for support and discussion of all types of gender related issues. We have many members here who are underage and we strive hard to keep Susan's Place Family Friendly. We have rules on what we can talk about and these rules are listed in the Terms of Service. I will post links below to the Terms of Service and other important information.
Things that you should readSite Terms of Service & Rules to Live ByStandard Terms & DefinitionsPost Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)Cautionary NoteReputation rulesNews posting & quoting guidelinesPhoto, avatars, & signature images policyMembership Agreement

There is an old saying -- 'Where there is a will, there is a way.'

I started my journey at 6' 1", 195lbs, and 55 years old. I stopped between meal snacks, stopped eating chips, stopped drinking soda. I exercised at least three times a week, one hour on a elliptical machine. In less than a year I dropped down to 150lbs. My doctor said I should gain some weight! I started light snacks again, occasional chips with lunch, maybe one soda a day, and now I'm around 168lbs.

I bought women's clothes for decades. Buying them made me feel sane. Once at home I would try them on, then put them in storage because I was too afraid to wear them. Back then I was a size 16-18. Now I am a size 8-10. In my younger years I weighed as much as 220lbs. When I started my journey I told myself I would be 'one ugly woman', but I knew I had to try. I really don't like seeing old photos of myself, but here is a comparison of me when I was around 20 years old vs a more recent photo.

What you decide to do is up to you, but if i had listened to my brain instead of my heart I probably wouldn't be alive today.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Maid Marion:
My wife had weight and dieting issues, so she carefully compared what we ate.
She concluded that over time, I ate less.  I'd eat a lot occasionally, say at a party, but on average I ate significantly less than she did.

We'd go to a fast food place and I'd have a plain hamburger and small fries.  Or the salad and chocolate milkshake.
If I didn't like something, I didn't eat it.  I just left it on the plate.

With women's clothes, the smaller the size the more choices you get. 
In my size I see tons of stuff on the discount racks.


Welcome Steven.
I'm not a size 2 either.  But I can still be inspired by Marion's example. (Jessica Rose too, wow, what a change in her photos!)

Healthy diet and exercise are important for all of us. 
And we can practice our posture, movement, and fashion choices towards a way that we can present more authentically to the world, and even be seen truly sometimes.  How wonderful that is, compared to being confused, blind, or trapped by fear and denial.

My primary care doctor is a post-op late transitioning mtf.  She told me that we are beautiful people, and she meant it.  It felt so supportive.
You are beautiful Steven.

And I'm envious of your nipples ;)

Steven, as is often the case with Rakel, her reply is worth ruminating and especially this:

--- Quote must resolve your primary issue first. How do you wish to live the rest of your life?
--- End quote ---

Being female is a role. Do you want access to the elements of that role? Are you okay with losing the prerogatives and privileges of the male role? For me, and I know that I'm an outlier here at Susan's, clothing and makeup are frivolities. I don't bother with makeup and my clothing is pretty much the same that I wore in the male role*, but I do love my female friendships and crafting and gardening and so on.

*I even buy some men's clothing still. I just bought a new winter's coat off the men's rack at a Fat Face shop and the clerk at the checkout counter said, "A lot of women have been buying this coat," so I know I'm not the only one who enjoys some men's clothing.


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