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Jan's little corner of the world

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Jan Bourne:
In my intro, I said that I love to write so I am starting my blog and will add to it hopefully often.

I was on some other sites before. Often people would say that they were comfortable being a man and just liked wearing women's clothes. I have respect for everyone, but that is just not me. My feelings are that I was female before I was born. I recently read that if your mother did not secrete certain hormones, the fetus would feel like the opposite gender. I believe that this happened to me. I have always been sensitive, emotional and feminine but did a very good job hiding it.

I had a rough time growing up. My parents had a lot of their own problems and it was projected onto us kids. Not only my gender issues, which I hid but it resulted in a lot of emotional trauma. This has affected me during my whole life. I have spend over 12 years in therapy. I took a break for a while and did a lot of online reading and self reflecting which resulted in more healing. I just returned to therapy again, I have just had one session - last week. I see her again next Friday. As I peel away the layers of dysfunction and false beliefs, I no longer have to hide my real self. I still have a long way to go but I feel like my future is bright.

My dysphoria is not terrible. I know a few people who transitioned and in their previous life, they tried to hurt themselves. I don't feel that, but I know in my heart who I am. I am a transgender woman.

I mentioned my slow transition. My hair is below my shoulders in back and covering my ears on the sides. I have no plan to cut my hair for a long time. I have pierced my ears and I epilate most of my body hair. My toenails are always polished. I pluck my eyebrows but have trouble keeping up with them! I have been losing weight. My breast are a full A cup. I cannot present as a woman at work or around certain family members right now. Yes, I am afraid of losing them and losing my job. I cannot go without my job benefits right now. Things will change for me in the future, I know it will.

I am a simple person as I am at home in blue jeans, a sports bra and t-shirt. I love the outdoors, hiking and getting in touch with nature.

Pammie:

--- Quote from: Jan Bourne on September 26, 2021, 03:56:41 pm ---In my intro, I said that I love to write so I am starting my blog and will add to it hopefully often.

I was on some other sites before. Often people would say that they were comfortable being a man and just liked wearing women's clothes. I have respect for everyone, but that is just not me. My feelings are that I was female before I was born. I recently read that if your mother did not secrete certain hormones, the fetus would feel like the opposite gender. I believe that this happened to me. I have always been sensitive, emotional and feminine but did a very good job hiding it.

I had a rough time growing up. My parents had a lot of their own problems and it was projected onto us kids. Not only my gender issues, which I hid but it resulted in a lot of emotional trauma. This has affected me during my whole life. I have spend over 12 years in therapy. I took a break for a while and did a lot of online reading and self reflecting which resulted in more healing. I just returned to therapy again, I have just had one session - last week. I see her again next Friday. As I peel away the layers of dysfunction and false beliefs, I no longer have to hide my real self. I still have a long way to go but I feel like my future is bright.

My dysphoria is not terrible. I know a few people who transitioned and in their previous life, they tried to hurt themselves. I don't feel that, but I know in my heart who I am. I am a transgender woman.

I mentioned my slow transition. My hair is below my shoulders in back and covering my ears on the sides. I have no plan to cut my hair for a long time. I have pierced my ears and I epilate most of my body hair. My toenails are always polished. I pluck my eyebrows but have trouble keeping up with them! I have been losing weight. My breast are a full A cup. I cannot present as a woman at work or around certain family members right now. Yes, I am afraid of losing them and losing my job. I cannot go without my job benefits right now. Things will change for me in the future, I know it will.

I am a simple person as I am at home in blue jeans, a sports bra and t-shirt. I love the outdoors, hiking and getting in touch with nature.

--- End quote ---
Hi Jan!
How long have you been on hormones? Im guessing then ur not currently in a relationship ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Jan Bourne:
My doctor has me on a micro dose of estrogen for 19 months. I am married and have grown children.

Northern Star Girl:
@Jan Bourne
Dear Jan:
I am so looking forward to keeping up with what you write and share in your Journal/Blog/Thread here on the Forums.
You stated that you "love to write" .... so please do what you love right here in your new thread.

I also am very glad to see that you have now started your own personal blog/thread that you can consider to be your journal here on the forums.  As you post your thoughts, ideas and questions you can expect that you will have "followers" that will keep abreast of what you post about going on in your transition life.... and you can then expect comments from like-minded members here that will be pertinent to what you are posting.

I keep a personal thread journal here on the Forums, in fact I have a couple of them listed at the bottom of my profile on my page after any comment that I post.  You might find them informative and will want to take a look at them if you have the time.
Very importantly I also keep a more personal (for my eyes only) old school pen&paper journal at home complete with colorful doodling and a snapshot picture every so often.   On a cold rainy night, I can be found in my comfortable chair in front of my fireplace reading my journal for hours, sometimes with tears in my eyes, tears of joy and sometime tears of disappointments.

The good thing regarding keeping personal journals is that you can write about your successes and good moments and when you have not-so-good moments you can write out your frustrations, discouragements and failures... in other words you can use your journals to "vent"... which can then allow you to ponder and think about your life situation and then try to formulate positive actions that will bring improvements...  this is all very good therapy for sure.

Here on the forums we are ALL wishing you well and rooting for you success... we will rejoice with you when you report good things and when you report not-so-good things we will lend you our ear to listen and will offer our shoulder for you to lean on.

I will be eagerly looking for your future postings as you feel so led to share them.

HUGS and best wishes to you as you continue in your journey.
Danielle

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