Community Conversation > Coming out of the closet

Came out to my wife only to backtrack

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Oliviassecret1994:
Hey everyone,

My name is Olivia, i'm a pre hrt amab transwoman.
So i've come out to my wife a few times throughout our relationship and marriage. We have been together for 5 and a half years, married for 2, and parents for 1. I told her early on that i wanted to be a girl. I have told her multiple times since whenever i can muster up the courage to talk to her about it. She has always said that if i transition it will be the end of us. She maintains that i'm not transgender and that i'm a man, that i'd be making a mistake. A few nights ago i told her that i needed to transition, she broke down. We had previously been talking about seperating so i decided that i should talk to her about it. She got mad, she got sad, and everything in between. She cried, she yelled, she swore, and i collapsed to the ground. She told me that I was choosing this over her, to which i replied that she was the one who would be leaving. I comforted her and told her that i would try and work it out, shove it down. I told her that i loved her and that i was sorry. Why did i backtrack? Why can't i stick with it? My god i don't even think that i am attracted to women. I used to think that i was but as i've been embracing and accepting the fact that i'm a woman i think that i started to really discover who i am. I've been dreaming of being with a man, i'm imagining it while i'm with my wife. Why can't i just commit to this and be happy? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Northern Star Girl:
@Oliviassecret1994
Dear Olivia:
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt posting.
I wish that I had words of experience and wisdom to give to you...

I know that we have members here on the Forums that have expressed
similar situations with their partner as you did.
I trust that other members will be along soon to share with you regarding
any thoughts and comments that they can offer to you regarding your situation.

HUGS and more HUGS and wishing you well... 
Danielle

tgirlamg:
Hi Olivia….

You are in… what can be… one of the most difficult and… potentially messy parts of the process… We, of course do not want to hurt those we are close to… but, many times… others find our need to transition as very hurtful… to their security… to their sense of self… and on and on… you backtracked because you do not wish to hurt her… her perspective of what all this means may change if you continue to show that you are determined… or it may always be close to the one you saw her demonstrate if she feels that reaction delivers her desired result… none of this stuff is easy or without emotional price

Announcing that we need to transition is a bit like telling people in our life that we are going to climb Mt Everest… some will think us to be crazy for even wanting to or resentful because they feel we abandoned them to go on this journey

Others will want to go with us… they may go all the way to the top with us or find along the way that their path lies elsewhere… along the climb you will also meet new faces to love and be loved by… they did not know the person at the bottom of the mountain but, know only the brave climber before them

When you arrive at the top… you will be a different person than the one taking the first few steps with far more knowledge of who you truly are… you will look out at the view from the mountaintop through new eyes and see the truth… that this mountain was just a stepping stone to all the amazing things yet to come… Have a good climb!!!

BTW… I posted in your older thread as well

All good things to you sister

Ashley 🙋‍♀️🌻💕

Oliviassecret1994:

--- Quote from: tgirlamg on October 05, 2021, 12:52:00 am ---Hi Olivia….

You are in… what can be… one of the most difficult and… potentially messy parts of the process… We, of course do not want to hurt those we are close to… but, many times… others find our need to transition as very hurtful… to their security… to their sense of self… and on and on… you backtracked because you do not wish to hurt her… her perspective of what all this means may change if you continue to show that you are determined… or it may always be close to the one you saw her demonstrate if she feels that reaction delivers her desired result… none of this stuff is easy or without emotional price

Announcing that we need to transition is a bit like telling people in our life that we are going to climb Mt Everest… some will think us to be crazy for even wanting to or resentful because they feel we abandoned them to go on this journey

Others will want to go with us… they may go all the way to the top with us or find along the way that their path lies elsewhere… along the climb you will also meet new faces to love and be loved by… they did not know the person at the bottom of the mountain but, know only the brave climber before them

When you arrive at the top… you will be a different person than the one taking the first few steps with far more knowledge of who you truly are… you will look out at the view from the mountaintop through new eyes and see the truth… that this mountain was just a stepping stone to all the amazing things yet to come… Have a good climb!!!

BTW… I posted in your older thread as well

All good things to you sister

Ashley 🙋‍♀️🌻💕

--- End quote ---

Thanks for you reply! I saw that and responded to that one before reading this hahaha.
I'm just so lost. I feel like I'm dropping a nuclear bomb on my life and my family. What do I do? I feel like I just want someone to handle all the hard stuff for me haha

tgirlamg:

--- Quote from: Oliviassecret1994 on October 05, 2021, 01:09:32 am ---Thanks for you reply! I saw that and responded to that one before reading this hahaha.
I'm just so lost. I feel like I'm dropping a nuclear bomb on my life and my family. What do I do? I feel like I just want someone to handle all the hard stuff for me haha

--- End quote ---

Hey Little Sister!

I can’t tell you what to do… The steering wheel to your life is in your hands… never let anyone take the wheel from you… especially your fears… as we imagine what may come of transitioning… our deepest fears will often seek to be the loudest voice in our head… listen to fear but listen equally to hope and heart…

I have seen a lot of girls where you are over the years… they all find their way and you will find your way too!!!

Onward we go brave sister!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️🌻💕

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