Community Conversation > Transsexual talk

Questions - views on transition and self

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Peeptoe:
hey gang,

I have two questions that may trigger some of you. I would like to hear your opinions as we all do try to figure out and accept the issue from different perspectives. you've been warned, also this is no trolling.  <moderator edit>

I, 39 born male, that has came to the terms of who I am after some 30 years of running away from the issue. I did find acceptance in everyone I opened myself to personally, my parents are struggling with the information, possibly because they don't understand it fully. I do plan to get to the hormonal treatment to get to the peace of mind, currently am booked for face hair removal.
After months of analyzing I came to a conclusion that I am a man with gender dysphoria, my brain gives me signals such of a woman. I tried a weekend when my wife talked to me using female pronouns, I have chosen a female name that i like, but somehow it doesn't completely click with me - or shall i say does not make much difference? I like when I hear my wife using female pronouns, but won't cry if it isn't used.

Now to them questions:
1) I would like to know who sees it similarly at the moment, eg. i'm a woman vs i'm a man with a dysphoria. maybe, some will say, it is just an advanced acceptance stage of the whole thing. i'm just trying to make sense out of this.

2) second question, related to the first one but not entirely hitting the same thing - I would like to know who chooses to accepts their transition as a way of a lesser of two evils vs a way of spiritual fulfillment (my apologies for the expression)

thanks for all answers.

Gertrude:
I don't think your questions cross the line. Too often here, someone gets cold and everyone has to put a coat on. It's a little much. If the questions are legit, lets talk.

1) I would like to know who sees it similarly at the moment, eg. i'm a woman vs i'm a man with a dysphoria. maybe, some will say, it is just an advanced acceptance stage of the whole thing. i'm just trying to make sense out of this.

I think it's as much a transition for us beyond the obvious as it is for everyone else. We have decades of male programming in this case and it takes time to transition and accept.

2) second question, related to the first one but not entirely hitting the same thing - I would like to know who chooses to accepts their transition as a way of a lesser of two evils vs a way of spiritual fulfillment (my apologies for the expression)

Interesting question. I have kind of thought of this in a way. I think it's because we are socialized as one gender and feel like another and that makes us a mix of sorts and in the world we live in now, it tends to be one or the other, BUT, I've seen folks that are gender fluid and do both exclusively, which is different for sure. I guess find what makes you happier(est) and go with that. None of this is a decision that is taken as an absolute. What I mean is, if I say today and I going to be a prototypical fem, maybe in a week or a month or a year I will moderate. I think most get comfortable in their own skin and become who they are eventually. It's kind of like, live like you don't have to think about it. Just be.


Rakel:

--- Quote from: Peeptoe on October 22, 2021, 12:21:28 pm ---hey gang,...

...Now to them questions:
1) I would like to know who sees it similarly at the moment, eg. i'm a woman vs i'm a man with a dysphoria. maybe, some will say, it is just an advanced acceptance stage of the whole thing. i'm just trying to make sense out of this.

2) second question, related to the first one but not entirely hitting the same thing - I would like to know who chooses to accepts their transition as a way of a lesser of two evils vs a way of spiritual fulfillment (my apologies for the expression)

thanks for all answers.

--- End quote ---

Dear Peeptoe,

I really do not know how to answer your questions. All I know is that for most of my adolesant and adult life, I was not comfortable being my physical self. My mental self image was some one else, but at the same time, it was me as I was.

In my early years, I did not know how to express my dysphoria. I tried cross dressing a few times and found that this did not relieve my dysphoria. Later on, I read medical texts that seemed to describe what I was. While the medical knowledge of the day could describe my condition, the proposed treatment was to just man up. Fifty years of manning up did not change anything.

Am I a woman or a man with dysphoria? My answer is both maybe. I started out a a man with dysphoria, but now I am as close to being a woman as medical science will allow. Physically you can describe me as a 72 year old woman who has no uterus or ovaries, similar to a post hysterectomy cis-female. I take Estradiol to prevent any symptoms of menopause.

I am not aware of any spiritual fulfillment. All I know is that the moment I woke from my GCS, my dysphoria was gone and it never returned. I do not call this a lesser of two evils. I found myself alone and without obligations late in life. The internet and conversations on this website exposed me to a possibility of relief from my dysphoria.

I did my research and made my decision. What has worked for me may not work for anyone else. We all must make our own decisions because we are the principle ones who will live with the consequences of that decision.

Questions regarding how we see ourselves are very complex and really cannot be answered in a binary, this or that format. We must know ourselves and accept ourselves in everything that we are and go on from there.

Peeptoe:
thank you all for your comments. i did not try to make anyone uncomfortable, apologies if i did.

as i wrote i'm pre HRT and though i did come to a conclusion what i have, i'm not where i wish i was. meaning, i have a dysphoria, but i don't feel "woman enough" (as if it was even quantifiable) to myself to justify the transition in my mind. i spoke with two therapists - one said i have to forgive and let myself be who i should be, whilst the old me is fearing of being discarded and forgotten. the second therapist was less conclusive and gave me no direction after first session, that i hoped for. am i seeking approval from outside? possibly.

it is a mental hump that i can't seem to overcome, though i came to terms of being dysphoric and see transitioning, as the only cure.

Chloe:

--- Quote from: Peeptoe on October 23, 2021, 01:09:18 am --- . . am i seeking approval from outside? possibly . . a mental hump that i can't seem to overcome . . being dysphoric and see transitioning, as the only cure
--- End quote ---

         @Peeptoe GREETINGS! After 40+ years of *struggling* I've come to the conclusion there is no real "cure" for gender dysphoria at all and the most that one can hope for I call:

"taking socially palliative measures"
 . . . based on "circumstances" that best fit you as it's only OUTCOMES that really matters! Med transition & HRT has always been considered a great "diagnostic tool" but tis' also best to be sure of oneself before ever asking or trying to convince "another".

lol "well THAT isn't very helpful at all," is it?
“Close your eyes and pretend it’s all a bad dream.

That’s how I get by.” - Jack Sparrow

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