Community Conversation > Coming out of the closet

Immediately after coming out

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transornot:
I'm curious how others approached this.
I started coming out to key important people in my life, so far so good with reactions. But now I'm wondering when should I actually start being "me" around them. Some background i have been In therapy for almost 2 years, on HRT for almost a year. I am nowhere near "passing" and I havent figured out a voice yet at all. But I love feeling like myself. I am just starting to get into bigger changes like laser hair removal and playing with my voice, growing my hair out etc.
I just want to see how others handled this.

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OctonionChaotica08:
Hi I feel like it just all falls into place and it's tough to not want people to think you weren't being real with them and some people take time to get used to being yourself around them I was actually seen by my dad and my grandmother for the first time after like 6 years but it finally felt great to get that recognition that he realized me and he's been awful as a human being to me since I started hrt forever ago so I think as long as your happy the you will show up when it feels right or one of the major things I gained from hrt was the ability to set boundaries and so for the first time in my life I learned how to say no even when I knew it was going to ruffle feathers anyways hope that helps good luck with everything!

Nadine Spirit:
When I changed my hormones I had no intention of transitioning, thus I didn't really feel the need to tell anybody.  As time passed, and my thoughts shifted, I eventually started wanting to tell people about me.  But I didn't really ever show myself to anybody but my wife and strangers. 

A year after I changed my hormones I decided to legally and socially transition.  When I did that I made kind of an ultimate decision which was I would never not show who I truly am again.  I had lots of anxiety at first as I was super afraid of everything, but I made myself that promise, I would always show who I am, so I forced myself to follow through with it.  Within a short period of time, it became easier and easier.  Now I can barely imagine how afraid I was in those early days. 

Good luck!

Jane.Shannon:
I came out to my family and close friends when I started transitioning.  Once enough people knew, I slowly started dressing around family.  For my spouse and children that meant some women's clothing like shorts OR a top, but not both for several months.  The clothing slowly got more feminine for them over time, and now I dress however I wish.  For my local family, we invited them over for dinner and let them know I would be presenting as Jane before they arrived.  For out of town family, I came out to them via letter or phone call when I was coming out to everyone else.  However, they don't get any warning they get to see me as Jane the next time they are in town.

Hopefully this helps.
Jane

Allie Jayne:
I realised I had all my life to accept who I am, so I wanted to give those around me a little time to soak it in before I socially transitioned. I told everybody that I would start living as me 6 months after I came out, and I feel that took away some pressure on my loved ones to accept me. People are all different, so some were eager to meet the real me, and I did start early for some. My daughter greeted me with “Wow, you just look normal, not at all like a drag queen!” Confirming my suspicions of what people were expecting. She was happy to go shopping with me and let me take her children to a play centre by myself.

Give people a little time to get used to the idea, then feel them out as to how comfortable they will be, but remember to tell them not to expect drag!

Hugs,

Allie

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