Community Conversation > Coming out of the closet

advice on coming out

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err0r9:
i could use some advice,, my dad is transphobic and homophobic, but i still really love him and he's always been my hero throughout childhood, I don't want to lose him and if i did I don't know how I could cope without him in my life. I know he wants the best for me but he views it as "wanting the best life for his daughter". I'm deathly afraid to come out to him but I want to start transitioning medically in a year or 2,,, It's even harder because I was really girly in my childhood and occasionally in my teen years, so it confirms his views of who he thinks I am (a girl). what's the best way to make him understand I'm trans? whats the best way to come out to him?

Gertrude:
Have you gone to a therapist yet? Usually they can help work these things out. That said, IDK if there's a detailed right answer. Do you have an allies in your family? Some folks write a letter, some just sit the parent down and explain it, some do it over the phone and I suppose one could do a video too. No matter what it's a process for them as well as you.

err0r9:

--- Quote from: Gertrude on November 05, 2021, 11:10:45 pm ---Have you gone to a therapist yet? Usually they can help work these things out. That said, IDK if there's a detailed right answer. Do you have an allies in your family? Some folks write a letter, some just sit the parent down and explain it, some do it over the phone and I suppose one could do a video too. No matter what it's a process for them as well as you.

--- End quote ---

I have started going to a therapist, and didn't think to bring it up but next visit I'm going to. I have my mom and sister who know and are supportive but I feel like this should be a personal 1 on 1 conversation with my dad. But maybe it'd be better to have them in the room, I'm not sure. I don't want to make him feel defense if they are there.

Allie Jayne:

--- Quote from: err0r9 on November 05, 2021, 10:48:33 pm ---i could use some advice,, my dad is transphobic and homophobic, but i still really love him and he's always been my hero throughout childhood, I don't want to lose him and if i did I don't know how I could cope without him in my life. I know he wants the best for me but he views it as "wanting the best life for his daughter". I'm deathly afraid to come out to him but I want to start transitioning medically in a year or 2,,, It's even harder because I was really girly in my childhood and occasionally in my teen years, so it confirms his views of who he thinks I am (a girl). what's the best way to make him understand I'm trans? whats the best way to come out to him?

--- End quote ---

Explain to your Dad that you have possibly a medical condition which was likely caused during your fetal development by hormonal variations in your mother. The condition can cause you to have a different gender identity to your biological identity, the conflict, dysphoria, can cause you great stress, and this can lead to serious health conditions, or even death. The only successful cure currently is transition. Your Dad loves you, and should respond to a medical condition you likely have. This isn't something you chose in your life, it is something that happened to you, and you need to get treatment if it is affecting your life.

The common misconception is that we have a psychological disorder, but this is not the case. I February this year, the American Psychiatric Association, who are the recognised authority in this area, stated "incongruence between one’s sex and gender is neither pathological nor a mental health disorder ". So don't tell your Dad this is something you want, but let him know you are experiencing significant conflict, and you need treatment.

I really hope your Dad can see you need medical treatment.

Hugs,

Allie

Rakel:

--- Quote from: Allie Jayne on November 06, 2021, 03:46:23 am ---Explain to your Dad that ...

... This isn't something you chose in your life, it is something that happened to you, and you need to get treatment if it is affecting your life. ...

...So don't tell your Dad this is something you want, but let him know you are experiencing significant conflict, and you need treatment...

--- End quote ---

I could not have explained this better. We have a condition that needs proper treatment.

Thank you, Allie.

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