Author Topic: Unsure if I'm passing and unattractive or failing to pass.  (Read 410 times)

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Offline JustKate

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Unsure if I'm passing and unattractive or failing to pass.
« on: November 10, 2021, 08:15:43 am »
Hi, long story short, I'm approaching 40 now and I've been on HRT for three years.
I've had mild to moderate success is most aspects except my face

My face has changed subtly, but it's still very clearly a very male looking face. FFS is well out of my price range for the foreseeable future and whilst I'm very rarely openly gendered female, I haven't been gendered male in over 18 months (and that was me deliberately making myself feel sad by going out with no makeup and my hair deliberately back).

But I do wonder. Online I've posted some of my very best photos and recieved either no or negative feedback and other trans women I know get "hiii" messages hourly and find partners who find them attractive with relative ease.

I'm well aware that I've never been traditionally attractive, I'm probably a 5/10 on my best days and 3-4 on an average one, but I've still noticed that some other less traditionally attractive women get plenty of attention based on their looks.

Perhaps I am just jealous.

I just feel the lack of attention and lack of gendered terms, that perhaps I'm not actually passing enough and that people are just being nice to the "trans person who is trying".

I know passing shouldn't be everything but we live in a world that is seemingly becoming more and more hostile towards trans people and I just want an easy life.

What's brought this on is that a month ago I received my first female passport. I'm officially diagnosed and this has given me the chance for a change and start to look for another job and I don't know if I've got the mental energy to go to a new job and be called "mate" or "buddy"





Pammie

Re: Unsure if I'm passing and unattractive or failing to pass.
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2021, 09:27:18 am »
Hi, long story short, I'm approaching 40 now and I've been on HRT for three years.
I've had mild to moderate success is most aspects except my face

My face has changed subtly, but it's still very clearly a very male looking face. FFS is well out of my price range for the foreseeable future and whilst I'm very rarely openly gendered female, I haven't been gendered male in over 18 months (and that was me deliberately making myself feel sad by going out with no makeup and my hair deliberately back).

But I do wonder. Online I've posted some of my very best photos and recieved either no or negative feedback and other trans women I know get "hiii" messages hourly and find partners who find them attractive with relative ease.

I'm well aware that I've never been traditionally attractive, I'm probably a 5/10 on my best days and 3-4 on an average one, but I've still noticed that some other less traditionally attractive women get plenty of attention based on their looks.

Perhaps I am just jealous.

I just feel the lack of attention and lack of gendered terms, that perhaps I'm not actually passing enough and that people are just being nice to the "trans person who is trying".

I know passing shouldn't be everything but we live in a world that is seemingly becoming more and more hostile towards trans people and I just want an easy life.

What's brought this on is that a month ago I received my first female passport. I'm officially diagnosed and this has given me the chance for a change and start to look for another job and I don't know if I've got the mental energy to go to a new job and be called "mate" or "buddy"
Well you said you haven’t been gendered make in 18 months! That’s amazing! Fantastic. After 4 years I still get 1 or 2 fails every few months
Sounds like you definitely pass!


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Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Unsure if I'm passing and unattractive or failing to pass.
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2021, 09:39:44 am »
@JustKate
Dear Kate
    Thank you for coming to the Forums.
    I am most pleased that you had decided to join the Susan's Place site.

    Know that I am not trying to sidetrack your questions and thoughts.... but first please allow me to officially welcome you here and then other members here can address your questions and concerns that you expressed.
    Thank you for writing your first posting.... as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be offering their thoughts and comments in response to any of your future questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say regarding their own experiences.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Online Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
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Re: Unsure if I'm passing and unattractive or failing to pass.
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2021, 09:41:35 am »
@JustKate   
Dear Kate:

If you wish, please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to briefly tell more members about yourself!

Wishing you well as you get more involved in the forums and meet more members here.

Danielle

NOTE:  Now that all of this necessary greeting stuff is over, I will hand your thread back to you and those that may want to respond to your original posting.
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

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