Author Topic: The Dream  (Read 591 times)

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Offline BritneyX

  • Formerly Known As The Closeted Bronie
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The Dream
« on: November 10, 2021, 11:43:21 pm »
OK, so last night I had the most amazingly intense dream.   So intense that my Brother said that I yelled out someone's name, but he could not understand.  I will explain later what name I yelled out from my sleep.  I am curious if any you other Ladies have ever had such a dream before?  Was this Estrogen induced of something else?

I am every bit a hopeless romantic.  Have been since my youngest days.  Not often do I actually dream, as I remember me dreams.  In my dream state, I can distinguish between a recurring dream and one that is new.  Throughout my life, I have often had different dreams of unrequited Love.  They have always left me emotionally distraught for days.  I recently made some big moves in my life that have allowed me to more openly explore myself.  Lately, I have been listening to a lot of female Country Music, especially my fellow Texas Gal, Miranda Lambert.  She was lucky enough to be born in the town next to where I was born along the Sabine (river). ha ha.  Of course, that got me reflecting on past loves, relationships, what I long for, and what the future holds in the 'Lurv Dept'.  Something that has been derailed and offline for the past 11 years.  This dream, however, was mega intense, like none I had ever experienced before.  I anguished throughout the dream at the unrequited Love that always escapes me.  There was something different in how it played out.  Near the end, a facet became resolved, crystal clear, that just blew me away with such overwhelming joy.  I woke up crying in that joy. 

And now, the Dream, as best I can translate it.  I was at some building with a huge room that looked like the viewing room for Astronaut Families during NASA launches back in the 60s. Next this building was some sort of industrial type building that would later be reveal as modern launch tower. Still don't know the significance it was for the main part of the dream.  The room was more like a party atmosphere.  Beyond the other people, who were unremarkable, there was myself.  I was my old male self.  A close friend that resembled a pal in real Life who passed away in his early 30s.  He told me that he considered me like his Brother.  In the dream, he is a bit more ambiguous, a close friend but not really him.  The third person was a guy who was super cool, compassionate and fun-loving.   Just the kind of person that the gals would fall in love with.  The cool guy was like my best friend, though I don't believe that we were.  Just someone that I really wanted to be around as he made me feel good about myself.  A lot of vague interaction goes on between myself and these two people.  Then, without noticing, the two friends depart, leaving me in conversation with the some of the other people about the facility next door.  At that time, no knew what its purpose was for or what the people in lab coats were doing on top of it. There seemed to be some facility that was part of the roof that they were focused on.  My really close friend shows back up, but he is now with a gorgeous woman.  The other friend was no where to be seen.  My friend introduces me to this striking woman.  We immediately hit it off.  After just a slight amount of conversation, I can sense that she is really smitten with me.  I soon realize  that I too am smitten with her. She has an such an engaging personality and compassionate heart.  I feel so comfortable and at complete ease with her.  She brightens my face like no one has ever done.  She feels like my  best friend that has known me my whole Life.  She feels so much like that friend who disappeared.   Something gives way to the fact that she is, indeed that missing friend.  It as a bit of a shock.  How could this be this other friend that I had known for so long?  My response was rather uncouth, as I completely misunderstood the friend's reason for transitioning to a female.  Went right over my head.  I questioned that friend as to why they would do it.  She runs offs in tears.  I try to follow but my pal grabs me to set me straight.  She was in Love with me.  She felt the transition was the only way that I would accept her Love.  Realizing this, I feel to my knees sobbing.  "What have I done?" I lamented allowed.  I began yelling out her name "Samantha! Samantha!  Come back to me, my Love!  I need you!  I Love you!"   

**I believe it was at this point my Brother heard me yelling out to Samantha.  Samantha, of course, being me!!!  In my dream I was in such anguish.  It was unbearable.  Nothing like I had ever faced before, even in my dreams.  I was frightened so by the sorrow and regret. It was in this deep angst that I looked out the large viewing window of this room.  In the sky, riding a brilliant blue flame, was a silver advanced spacecraft.  It was coming into landing atop of the structure next door, which was a launch/recovery tower.  I exclaimed aloud, "Hey, that is the new replacement for the old Space Shuttle!"  It as strikingly beautiful. as well.  With that came the remarkable epiphany.  The friend who transitioned, that I came to Love so deeply, who completed me...a Love that I thought was lost forever...was in fact...wait for it....ME!!!!  That friend had ALWAYS been me!!!  An immense, all encompassing warm feeling enveloped me.  I was gushing with such wondrous Joy that I burst into tears.  I felt so at Peace.     

**It was at this moment that I awoke into the real world, still crying, still smiling with wondrous joy!  The entire experience feels so surreal, yet clear as day.  I have been beaming all day, feeling so at ease.  I was able to talk the LGBT+ Coordinator at the VA today.  I put in the request to have my name changed at the VA to Britney Samantha and be addressed as "she".  This will not be a records change, but it is a start.  I went to my new VA Hospital, which is a more personal sized hospital.  All the VA employees and medical staff were wonderful.  When they asked my name, I have to give them my old Thomas name.  For the first time, it did not feel right.  I felt like I was lying to them.  As person that puts Honesty at the top of the attribute list, it was quite an unpleasant feeling.  Y'all read into my dream and let me know what you think it was about.  One thing I do know for sure, it is that I no longer have any anxiety of being unsure if I was going to fully transition, or not.  Those fears have been assuaged.
"Out of all the attributes of humanity, the only one that matters most, is the one that cannot fail you.  That is Honesty. Without it, nothing else about your person will hold up." :angel: